minnie

I've noticed that there have been loads of guests viewing this forum over the past few days and I would hazard a guess that not all are seach engine spiders.

So, I just want to welcome you all and encourage you to sign up and dip your toe in the water. I hope you can see that we are a friendly bunch here and that even the straight-talkers have a heart of gold.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Minnie
xxx

Gabe

Hey y'all, drop on in and say hello.
Glad you're here.

cwohio

me too - altho i don't post and reply here as often as i used to i would love to hear from all you newbies out there!

equus

posting gives forums life!! Please come and join us, you'll be able to help us more than you know and we'll all do our best to return the favour!

minnie

Seems the guests were all spiders after all.

DesertEyes

awww minnie (((( hugs )))) They weren't all spiders. Some folks are _really_ scared and take a long time to post. I took three weeks of driving by and chickening out before I walked into my first ACoA meeting. It was kind and caring people like you reached out and made me feel welcomed.

Mike :-)

pmaslan

I used to post on another recovery message board before I decided that
SR was the place for me. I too would come by and ready posts before I
became a member. Mike is right sometimes we have to just "lurk" for awhile
before we get enough courage to just "do it."
So to all of you out there still in limbo, come on it the waters fine.

fiver05

Hi All,

I am one of the lurkers, been reading the posts here for a couple months - very eye-opening! Started reading to try to understand a guy that I dated for a few months and am still in contact with and care about. We knew each other many years (20+) ago, and both drank back then - young & living in a college town! Since that time, we grew apart, each got married, had kids, etc. Found each other after we both were divorced and started dating again. However, didn't take long for me to see that he drank WAY too much beer for my taste (approximately 20-24 per day). He admits to being a "raging" alcoholic, but tells me that he didn't drink for 7 years during his marriage, but back at it when he got divorced.

I guess what I don't understand is that he is totally open about his alcoholism, admits that it controls his life, has cost him jobs, 2 dui's, money, relationships, on & on...but he is taking no steps to help himself. I just hate watching him do this to himself, especially after having seven years sober - he KNOWS what a sober life is like. Even though we are no longer dating, we do talk from time to time and remain on a friendly basis. I know this is out of my hands, just so sad...he has so much potential. But, as I told him, I refuse to bring this chaos into my life and the life of my two teenage boys. From reading the posts here, I can say that I don't regret breaking off this relationship before I got too lost in it.

LaTeeDa

Welcome fiver! Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one. Many of us here wish we would have been able to see so clearly sooner.

L

minnie

Hi there fiver05!!! I knew that there must be some lurkers out there.

Welcome, hon. I am so impressed with the healthy decision you have made for you and your boys. That kind of thinking will stand you in really good stead.

As to your question? It seems such a no-brainer to us, doesn't it? But what I have learnt is that the pain of drinking has to be greater than the pain of not drinking for any real recovery to take place. Many active alcoholics just haven't gathered the tools needed to live life in a healthy way, so not drinking is very distressing for them. Add in physical addiction and I can understand why it is easier to keep drinking, despite all pointers to the contrary.

I'm glad you've dipped your toe in - looking forward to getting to know you.

Jazzman

I lurked for about 3 days then I was just gonna BUST if I didn't type my guts out

Welcome fiver05!

Ya'll come on in! Like Patty says, the waters fine!

fiver05

Thanks for the "welcome" posts! When I first started reading the posts here, my objective was to get some ideas of what I could do to help this person get & stay sober...but now I see that there's nothing I can do and it's not my decision to make. Even though he was sober for 7 years, I cannot & will not take the chance that if he DOES get into a recovery program there won't be another relapse in a few years. I just can't live thinking that a relapse could be around the corner. Selfish of me - yes it is - but that's OK! I am thankful that I found this board, has really opened my eyes to the tragedy of alcoholism and what it can do to everyone who loves an A. Some of the stories here just break my heart...

sunshine003

all of that's true fiver and on another note, how do you KNOW he was sober for seven years? my AH told me he could quit at anytime and one time even stopped for two years. guess what? that was a lie. he NEVER did that.

denny57

I'm going out on a limb here (not!) and guessing there were no sober 7 years. I would imagine it is why the marriage ended. Just an opinion.

fiver05

Hi Sunshine,

You're right - I have no way of knowing for sure if he was sober or not, just me believing what he said. Another instance of having to learn to adjust my thinking, I guess.

gelfling

To any newbies that are reading this. Please know that we all were newbies and scared. Please don't feel you can't join us. Spilling your guts feels so gooooodddddd!!! And the love and support we share is what gets a lot of us through lousy days.

Hiya 5er...welcome to SR

Blessings

Cynay

Welcome to SR fiver.... we are so glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you.

Yeppers, it takes alot of "adjusted thinking" when dealing with an Alcoholic...

For the lurkers .... come on down, we are not such a bad group or Codies *grins* and besides there is nothing like having the support of people who REALLY understand.