Brother
Binge poster
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Brother
Hi
I spent some time with my brother this weekend, which is unusual. We have maybe seen each other 4 times in the last 6 or 7 years.
We phoned him about 7 the night before we all went out, he could barely speak he was so drunk. He and his girlfriend turned up with funny stories about something being smashed in the hallway but not sure why until she found a big scratch and a bruise up her leg the next morning. When it was closing time we all left and you could tell, just tell, that he was aching to have another drink. "Are we going on somewhere else? We could find a club open, or go to a resturant?" His gf had to lure him away with promises of two bottles of wine in the house.
When I hugged him as we left all I could feel were his bones. He's not that much older than me - 7 years - but he looks absolutely dreadful; shrivelled, shrunken, dirty and dishevelled.
Actually, thinking about it now, I've never seen him anywhere without booze, and not either drunk or getting that way, for nearly 10 years!
Now, I can see he has a problem with drinking, I know he has and I know he's slowly killing himself, but I just don't seem to be as worried about him as (I think) I should be.
What on earth is up with me? I'm worrying about not worrying!
Duh?!"
Jane
xxx
I spent some time with my brother this weekend, which is unusual. We have maybe seen each other 4 times in the last 6 or 7 years.
We phoned him about 7 the night before we all went out, he could barely speak he was so drunk. He and his girlfriend turned up with funny stories about something being smashed in the hallway but not sure why until she found a big scratch and a bruise up her leg the next morning. When it was closing time we all left and you could tell, just tell, that he was aching to have another drink. "Are we going on somewhere else? We could find a club open, or go to a resturant?" His gf had to lure him away with promises of two bottles of wine in the house.
When I hugged him as we left all I could feel were his bones. He's not that much older than me - 7 years - but he looks absolutely dreadful; shrivelled, shrunken, dirty and dishevelled.
Actually, thinking about it now, I've never seen him anywhere without booze, and not either drunk or getting that way, for nearly 10 years!
Now, I can see he has a problem with drinking, I know he has and I know he's slowly killing himself, but I just don't seem to be as worried about him as (I think) I should be.
What on earth is up with me? I'm worrying about not worrying!
Duh?!"
Jane
xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I'm not sure worry has ver served much if any purpose - so don't worry about not having it!
I don't know if this will help but D was just bone years ago, he's still had problems at times keeping weight on but nothing to the extent it was. It is a shocking thing to realise when someone is seriously underweight but I guess I learned it doesn't always mean they're doomed!
Don't know if that helps at all?
I don't know if this will help but D was just bone years ago, he's still had problems at times keeping weight on but nothing to the extent it was. It is a shocking thing to realise when someone is seriously underweight but I guess I learned it doesn't always mean they're doomed!
Don't know if that helps at all?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 115
Dear Jane
sorry you saw your brother like that. My brother is an alcoholic/addict and I don't see him very much at all, actually at the moment we're not talking.
Don't analyse yourself too much. What you feel right now is what it is. The fact that you don't worry as much doesn't mean you don't care. Maybe you're at peace in accepting your powerlessness over someone else's actions; maybe you're a bit numb about seeing him like that. Whatever it is, just go with the feeling you are feeling right now. There isn't always an answer or necessarily something wrong.
Love Jo
sorry you saw your brother like that. My brother is an alcoholic/addict and I don't see him very much at all, actually at the moment we're not talking.
Don't analyse yourself too much. What you feel right now is what it is. The fact that you don't worry as much doesn't mean you don't care. Maybe you're at peace in accepting your powerlessness over someone else's actions; maybe you're a bit numb about seeing him like that. Whatever it is, just go with the feeling you are feeling right now. There isn't always an answer or necessarily something wrong.
Love Jo
Binge poster
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Thanks both of you
Yes, E, it does help. I know that if he ever does get his act together he could blossom again. My sister brought lots of old photos with her and the change in him was absolutely shocking. He looks by far the eldest of the three of us.
G, I'm not sure what it is I feel. I think maybe I've had to detach in the past for other reasons, but now I'm thinking - if the gf (she's half his age) grows up a bit, gets fed up with the lifestyle and moves on, who will look after him? He has noone else apart from myself and my sister.
I think maybe I am worried but too scared to let it come properly into my head.
does that make sense?
Jane
xxx
Yes, E, it does help. I know that if he ever does get his act together he could blossom again. My sister brought lots of old photos with her and the change in him was absolutely shocking. He looks by far the eldest of the three of us.
G, I'm not sure what it is I feel. I think maybe I've had to detach in the past for other reasons, but now I'm thinking - if the gf (she's half his age) grows up a bit, gets fed up with the lifestyle and moves on, who will look after him? He has noone else apart from myself and my sister.
I think maybe I am worried but too scared to let it come properly into my head.
does that make sense?
Jane
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Only guessing here....Yes i think that you are worried.If you were not you wouldnt have posted about your brother looking dreadful.,dirty,etc,etc.
Who will look after him?.This is a question only a worried person would ask.
2 kinds of worrying.1,is my old type of worry.its where i cant function myself.im bitting my nails up to my elbows.Always thinking,obbessing over another.Cant eat,dont sleep well,worrying about another.My mind is saying,What if,this happens,what if,that happenes,my body is tense.I take no time to look after myself,because im so worried.The 2nd ,type of worry is to acknowledge the worry,and let it go.Knowing that i cant change another.This worry,is a,passing.Flows in flows out.Im not stuck in it.I know another is in Gods hands.I let go,let God..What i believed so trully,was the end for another,turned out to be new beginnings for another..
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care,
prayers for your brother,and you.
Who will look after him?.This is a question only a worried person would ask.
2 kinds of worrying.1,is my old type of worry.its where i cant function myself.im bitting my nails up to my elbows.Always thinking,obbessing over another.Cant eat,dont sleep well,worrying about another.My mind is saying,What if,this happens,what if,that happenes,my body is tense.I take no time to look after myself,because im so worried.The 2nd ,type of worry is to acknowledge the worry,and let it go.Knowing that i cant change another.This worry,is a,passing.Flows in flows out.Im not stuck in it.I know another is in Gods hands.I let go,let God..What i believed so trully,was the end for another,turned out to be new beginnings for another..
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care,
prayers for your brother,and you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 115
Yeah it makes sense.
To worry about something that has not happened yet and nobody knows if it will, it's a waste of energy. If she does leave him, maybe he'll touch his rock bottom, who knows?
Hopefully he'll look after himself. I've learnt in alanon to care about someone, not to take care of someone.
Love Jo
To worry about something that has not happened yet and nobody knows if it will, it's a waste of energy. If she does leave him, maybe he'll touch his rock bottom, who knows?
Hopefully he'll look after himself. I've learnt in alanon to care about someone, not to take care of someone.
Love Jo
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