Personality changes

Old 02-22-2006, 06:24 AM
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Personality changes

Are the personality changes that alcholics undergo when they are drinking permanent? My husband stopped drinking three months ago, but his personlity has completely changed. He is still acting insane, making decisions that seem totally out-of-character. He does not seem like the same person.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:31 AM
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When a person works a recovery program, the program helps us see where we need to change what needs be changed.
Permanent? No way.
What he puts into his recovery is what will come out. No program or self evaluation/looking inside at self, no change is most likly the result.
AA, Bible studies, or various other kinds of recovery/growth programs will bring change if the program is put into action by him.
Worked for me.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:40 AM
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It took my husband over 9 months to make the changes. His personality after 3 months was very much like it was when he was drinking, but gradually I saw a change and now he is more like a "normal" person. Once in a great while I will see a few seconds of the drinker come out, but he always catches himself and adjusts his sail and moves right back to where he is suppose to be. And, I must say I am the same way, working my program, sometimes I slide back into the old me, but I catch it and move forward.

It takes time. At three months he is just starting and has a long way to go, but he has got a good start.

Is he attending AA on a regular basis? Did he do 90 meetings in 90 days to start? If he went to treatment, is he doing the aftercare? If he is working on these things, the changes will come, gradually. It took years for them to get the way they were and I have been told it will take years of sobriety for them to get where they want to be. Be patient, it should get better.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:40 AM
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He does go to AA meetings, but does not really believe in the 12 steps or a higher power. He also does not have a sponsor. So my impression is that he is not working a recovery program, just going through the motions. But he will not talk to me anymore (part of that personality change I was talking about), so that is just my guess.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:45 AM
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Hi HG,

The real problem is that he has moved in with a woman he met in the treatment program. They have been involved since the third week of their treatment program (mid-Nov.), although I knew nothing about it until three weeks ago. It seems like he just wants to forget his family and start over. The kids and I are just responsibilities he cannot handle. He continues to lie to me, neglect the kids, and has also stopped talking to his parents and brother. This is from a person who was completely devoted to his family for most of out 16 year marriage.

As I said earlier, he seems to have changed completely. I am simply trying to make sense of this and am putting plans into place to move on.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:45 AM
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Sounds like a dry drunk to me. I know people who have been sober for years and attend meetings but like your husband isn't working the steps and doesn't have a sponsor. They are sober but their thoughts are just as crazy as before because they are doing nothing to address the causes of why they drank.

It is still early for your husband though. Hopefully he will watch others with similar sobriety dates who ARE working a program and notice the ways in which they are growing and decide that he wants that too.

In the meantime, have you tried Al-Anon for YOU?

Good luck!
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:49 AM
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Is he still acting like an alcoholic who is not drinking? They refer to that as dry drunk. Is he in any type of recvoery program like AA?
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:50 AM
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A lot of times with us guys...Not talking means we are thinking.
We internalize everything where women tend to share and get it out.
Pissed off at self, the world, or just trying to put all the pieces together.
Same as a road trip. We won't stop for directions till it becomes an absolute must. It is a pride issue. I can do it without help...I am a Man.
You are seeing outward signs of inward struggles, most likely.

When he is ready, he will look for a sponsor and start working on his recovery.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:51 AM
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Personality changes, and even mental health issues are common when alcoholics stop drinking. When they no longer have alcohol to use as a crutch, sometimes underlying issues come out.

Are you attending Al-anon meetings? The shock of losing your husband to another woman must be terrible. You need some emotional support for you. Al-anon can help.
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Old 02-22-2006, 06:59 AM
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I am going to Al-anon and my older son is going to alateen meetings. I also see two counselors, one who specializes in alcholism and the other is my personal counselor. So I am trying to set appropriate boundaries into place and put my needs and the needs of my boys first.

Funny that you mentioned mental health issues. My H has been diagnosed with panic disorder and post tramatic stress disorder. He had quite a traumatic childhood.

Thanks for the suppport.
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Old 02-22-2006, 07:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Irondoorknob
I am going to Al-anon and my older son is going to alateen meetings. ..... So I am trying to set appropriate boundaries into place and put my needs and the needs of my boys first.
That is the best thing you can do. Good for you.

Till he is ready, he won't change. Hold your boundaries so your space stays in peace.
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