Charmed3

This gave me strength at the end of a very tough day.

Thank you!

thislonelygirl

I just posted today. I really needed to read this. Im going to try to keep all 10 in mind and not stray. One healthy step at a time

msgalizia

I know what I have to do but I guess it is just as hard form me to take that step as it is for him. great post, love and strength to all

Kat60

Great post nytepassion! Thanks!!

hopeful4

Thanks so much!!

Stung

Fail. I've done the opposite of most of those.

Kat60

But you don't anymore Stung!! :-)

Stung

Ugh…I still extract promises, I'm still mostly angry at him and I lecture him like a mofo. :/ Maybe I need to communicate with him even less than I already am.

Kat60

Ahhh, you're getting there... Don't beat yourself up...

Practice, practice, practice :-)

I'm not always so good at it either. I see how these things work though, 'cause I'm an A too... Along with ACOAA and a Codie.

Boy, I've got it all goin' on, huh!!! I've got to practice these things just to talk to myself!!! LOL!!

Stung

LOL Kat! My hubs has the trifecta too.

Kat60

It's just tons of fun isn't it!! LOL :-)

Wish I could at least put some of it on a resume... Make me feel a little better!!

jarp

Excellent article.

But gee I find this challenging. How do you do some of this stuff? On a practical level? I'm a beginner so be kind please....

For example....

don't financially support - how does this look when you are married/ long term relationship living together? My ah is working, but if he was to lose his job....I'd pay the mortgage, buy groceries, pay the bills ( we pool money - he earns more than me). How would I stop doing that? And if he didn't have equal access to our accounts...as he does now...well taking that away...not giving him spending money...wouldn't that be labelled financial abuse? I'm sure if I lost my job (if I did, being drunk wouldn't be the reason) he wouldn't restrict me...but then again I'd not prioritise alcohol over paying bills, and I think he would.

dont look for the reason... my ah has just started back with a psychiatrist who treated him many years ago. His approach is that the alcoholism is the symptom...not the problem. Is he just plain wrong? Or is it for the doc to work out...not me - is that what it means? Doc doesn't focus on drinking at all and AA or abstinence or anything like it has never been discussed...doc is talking on practical level about what makes ah unhappy and therefore drink (I posted before that apparently I AM the Cause - ah doesn't like coming home to me, isn't happy with me etc so 'has' to hang out at the bar to avoid me)...

avoid anger - I can see how that benefits myself and the ah....but how do you NOT feel anger. Only this week my ah did something (disappeared from our family holiday that we've looked forward to and spent thousands on - to attend to some urgent work - only to not show at work and go on a massive bender instead, and then of course lied to me...is in bed with a 'migraine' AKA 'hangover' or 'withdrawal'. How do you NOT feel anger in this situation...and disappointment? It's a genuine question....what do you do? Should I have expected it, which i sort of did and just think "oh well...just what I expected"? I suppress so much emotion anyway...is this really the best thing to do?

This stuff resonates for me....and then my head goes "yeah but" and I want to know how people DO this stuff....

dandylion

Bump

phuddy25

Thanks for the post,will try to learn by it

Enabler1

Thanks for posting this. Cognitively, I know this, but my actions don't.

SierraRose

Good sound advice. Can only imagine learning those lessons is long and difficult for the loved ones of an alcoholic...but effective.

biskitmama

Thank you for this post.