Cynay

I know its hard....

That is what happens when we get sucked back into it. Kinda like the A who has been dry for a long time then has that "one" drink.... right back where they were before and worse.

Its just our addiction, and even though you got sucked in a little bit... you caught yourself and stoped... This too will pass

pmaslan

Christie...
Work .....I am finding it very pesky today.
John will most likely be here for at least another week or so.
He can not take an earlier flight because there is a charge to
change the departure date. He did get $400 from the ex but
I am sure he has gone through some of it and of course now that
he has some money I don't think he will want to waste it on a fee.
So when he is released he will have no where to go until his
departure date.
This is the part that is the most scary for me.
He has already said he would go to a shelter.....

pmaslan

Cynay, I hope you are right.
This feels worse than before, had I just done a
really good con on myself into thinking I was
getting over him. I am as sick as he is I'm afraid.
The fake it til you make it thing really hasn't worked for me.

Cynay

No contact works for me.

You know what I just thought of too.... sometimes when I get to comfortable in my recovery... Think Im over it or healthy... God has a way of making me humble again.

pmaslan

there you have it....I think I am getting a dose of that myself

Minx1969

Patty,

STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!!!!

Ok..right now I want you to do a gratitude list and an acknowledgement list..You are letting that evil little voice that exists in our brain rule the roost at the moment and
IT'S NOT TRUE!!!

I want you to acknowledge the recovery you do have and what a wonderful person you are..

Patty, you are human..I am human..I went through lots of pain when I ran into my ex after 6 months..you know the whole "I'm in love with someone else" song and dance he tried to sell me...

I went to an Alanon meeting and an AA meeting and cried for over 3 hours straight..sobbed really..

I guess it's what my HP thought I needed to truly let go and start healing..and I think it worked..I finally had a lightbulb moment that he was really sick and not coming back..so I chose to move forward with my life..I haven't talked to him in over a year..

I hear things about him every once in a while..he's not engaged (it was a farce)..

but me..I'm doing ok..and you will too...

Sometimes Patty it's just one minute at a time..

((((Patty)))))

pmaslan

Minx,
Today the minutes are moving so slowly, I know it's wrong to wish my life away,
but I just feel if I can get through this day tomorrow may be a little better.
There are many wonderful things in my life but right now I can't think of any
that would make me feel better at the moment. My kids are probably the only
thing that I can focus on right now that makes any sense to me.

susane1408

Find yourself again Patty, I understand your lost hopes and dreams. Make new ones.
((((((Patty)))))

elizabeth1979

Geez Louise, I am out of the office for a few hours and look at all I miss.
Oh Patty.
Bless your broken heart.
I am so sorry.
Please put the skillet down.
You are allright.

Tomorrow will be a little better, and every day after that as well. Your boys must be so happy to have their mom all to themselves again.

We are here for you, I dont expect you to be happy about this, or feel good.

Cynay

Here let me help you

How about that you have a home that is Chaos free...

How about that you can look at your recovery and see how far you have come

How about that your children dont have to go through it because of your strength

How about the cheesecake you will buy on your way home *grins*

pmaslan

Cynay....I have to admit you did make me smile a bit.
I think it was the cheesecake that got to me....
I will be ok, I've been through this before, I'll get through it again.
It's just so fresh right now, it really hurts.

equus

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I hope you come through the other side as quickly as you can.

Take care of you!

elizabeth1979

Lasagna and cheesecake. Holy Christmas, I could make a life out of those two things right there.

pmaslan

Susane, Sarah & Equus,
Thank you all for being here for me. I really don't know how I would
get through any of this without you guys and SR.
It is very gloomy and rainy here today so it is not helping.

Cynay

Ohhhh can you send some of that rain this way????

We are on 121 days of sunshine.... yea before you say it, no it does not suck but we need rain toooooo

Gloomy and rainy sounds like the perfect time for a fire, cheesecake, hot spiced cider and a good book.

Just a lesson we have to learn, you will get though this soon

cwohio

*knock knock* - special delivery for patty!!!!

Jazzman

I bet they went through a scare as well. I never said this on this board before... But by Xmas of 2004 M had been gone for a few months. A few days after Christmas I asked my youngest son how was his Christmas? He said it was the best Christmas ever! I couldn't think of why he would say that, what he got for presents was nothing out of the ordinary. I asked him why this one was so great. He said, because M is gone.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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One of the best parenting decisions I ever made was to remove M from my boys lives. <o:p></o:p>

splendra

(((Patty)))

I think you did really good. I know that feeling of the trap being opened the wound from the teeth on the trap still hurts. You will get your legs back just give yourself time to heal.

It seems like everything with an A is all or nothing most of the time so sorry darling...feel better okay...

ASpouse

Patty, as hard as this is, somewhere in this mess and chaos is the answer! I wish for you I knew where and what it was.

Cry it out, get some rest and coddle yourself! You've been through a lot the past few weeks.

Thinking of you always!

pmaslan

Jazz, the boys really don't know how far I took this. All they knew was
that he was in town and that I talked to him on the phone. They had no
idea I was contemplating seeing him or later cryingfor him to stay. Just the
thought of him being in the same state was enough for them. They are
my whole life....... Thanks for sharing that with us Jazz