OT----Problems with daughter
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
OT----Problems with daughter
Man, I should of come on here last night. I cried so hard I couldn't stop.
Long story as short as possible: I have a 26yr old son, Luke, and a 24 yr old, Brooke. The father, B, is my ex husband. We were married when I was 16-24. He was not an A, he smoked pot, but was actually nicer on pot than not...(hey, that rhymed
He was verbally, physically abusive to me 24/7/365. The "Sleeping with the Enemy" kind of abusive. Bought me clothes to where, wouldn't let me out of the house and if he did, it was for 25 minutes and if I was 2 minutes late, he'd beat me and acuse me of sleeping with the grocery boy. When he'd leave (he always worked out of our home), he'd take the plugs off of my truck, so that I couldn't go anywhere. He degraded me in public, beat me up in front of my boss and co-workers........he was insane.
I FINALLY escaped one day when he messed up and left the house in a hurry and forgot to dismantle my truck. I had planned for that day for years and grabbed my babies (3 and 5 yrs) all their things, beds, toys, clothes and the clothes on my back and left. We had no place to go, but we made it.
Okay............jump ahead 21 years. Brooke has always been "Daddy's Girl". She and I were close when she was young, I taught her how to sing, singing goes way back in my family. Put her in a pageant....didn't have the entry fee so I sold my diamond necklace to pay for it.
She got an invitation to go to Nashville (we live in CO) at age 16. Her dad was moving there and there were music teachers wanting to work with her. That was her dream. I didn't want to let her leave, but after she begged me for a couple of months......I let her go.
She was trained by excellent musicians. She got on an independant record label at age 18 for 3 years and then moved to NYC. (B moved back here) Now, she's signing on with a HUGE major record label this month and will be on a reality TV show to market her this summer when her CD comes out.
She's been working with the same manager for 8 years. B has always taken over the business part of Brooke's career. Talking with the manager, producers, labels...etc. She hasn't made a penny, yet. The $ up front will go to studio time and production, producer. She'll see some money when she goes on a national tour this fall.
Since she finally made it into the "business", I wanted to finally meet her manager and thank him for working so hard with her. They've kept me out of it all this time. I asked both B and Brooke if that would be okay if I called her manager and did so.........they both grew quiet. Didn't answer me back. Brooke didn't return my phone call to give me an answer to my question.
A week went by and so I said "it's no big deal. I just want the manager to know that I'm her Mom and I'm thankful for his work with her". I called and left a message with him saying just that.
Brooke calls me up last night, leaves me a message saying "Mom, I don't appreciate you getting into my business and calling my manager., It's MY career and I've worked with R for 8 years." ALL I SAID TO THE MANAGER WAS 'HI, I'M BROOKE"S MOM, I'VE NEVER MET YOU AND WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORKING WITH HER".
Her Dad and she are paranoid that I'm gonna wanna stick my nose into her career and ........I dunno...prolly want $ or something or to tell him what to do. Which is SOOOO wrong cuz I've been saving for both Luke and Brooke from my trust account for their future to give to them and if I wanted to tell the manager what to do, I would've done that YEARS ago.
It's another control thing that my ex has. He calls her every day. He never remarried, he's 49, he pays her $3k a month rent in Manhattan and has for two years ...I send her $ and food every month. The only time she talks to me is when she needs that $ and then she's really sweet.
I feel like they want me to completely stay out of her life. Her head is getting so big and she's changing already and being "Hollywoodized" and B is encouraging her all the way even if it means letting her wear seductive clothes that barely cover her.....cuz "sex appeal sells". That's NOT who my daughter is. This all makes me sick and kinda wishes that she doesn't sign on with the label. She's a singer/songwriter with alot of talent, but if anybody knows or has heard how some Hollywood parents are (ie: Joe Simpson, Jessica and Ashlee's ex Baptist pastor father that tells them what to do all the time)........that's what my ex is doing. AND, if I express my concerns or hurts, they tell ME that I'm outta line.
What to do here? I'm totally torn between not wanting my daughter to become something she's not and seeing her pushed out there by her Dad to do just that cuz it "sells".
Long story as short as possible: I have a 26yr old son, Luke, and a 24 yr old, Brooke. The father, B, is my ex husband. We were married when I was 16-24. He was not an A, he smoked pot, but was actually nicer on pot than not...(hey, that rhymed
He was verbally, physically abusive to me 24/7/365. The "Sleeping with the Enemy" kind of abusive. Bought me clothes to where, wouldn't let me out of the house and if he did, it was for 25 minutes and if I was 2 minutes late, he'd beat me and acuse me of sleeping with the grocery boy. When he'd leave (he always worked out of our home), he'd take the plugs off of my truck, so that I couldn't go anywhere. He degraded me in public, beat me up in front of my boss and co-workers........he was insane.
I FINALLY escaped one day when he messed up and left the house in a hurry and forgot to dismantle my truck. I had planned for that day for years and grabbed my babies (3 and 5 yrs) all their things, beds, toys, clothes and the clothes on my back and left. We had no place to go, but we made it.
Okay............jump ahead 21 years. Brooke has always been "Daddy's Girl". She and I were close when she was young, I taught her how to sing, singing goes way back in my family. Put her in a pageant....didn't have the entry fee so I sold my diamond necklace to pay for it.
She got an invitation to go to Nashville (we live in CO) at age 16. Her dad was moving there and there were music teachers wanting to work with her. That was her dream. I didn't want to let her leave, but after she begged me for a couple of months......I let her go.
She was trained by excellent musicians. She got on an independant record label at age 18 for 3 years and then moved to NYC. (B moved back here) Now, she's signing on with a HUGE major record label this month and will be on a reality TV show to market her this summer when her CD comes out.
She's been working with the same manager for 8 years. B has always taken over the business part of Brooke's career. Talking with the manager, producers, labels...etc. She hasn't made a penny, yet. The $ up front will go to studio time and production, producer. She'll see some money when she goes on a national tour this fall.
Since she finally made it into the "business", I wanted to finally meet her manager and thank him for working so hard with her. They've kept me out of it all this time. I asked both B and Brooke if that would be okay if I called her manager and did so.........they both grew quiet. Didn't answer me back. Brooke didn't return my phone call to give me an answer to my question.
A week went by and so I said "it's no big deal. I just want the manager to know that I'm her Mom and I'm thankful for his work with her". I called and left a message with him saying just that.
Brooke calls me up last night, leaves me a message saying "Mom, I don't appreciate you getting into my business and calling my manager., It's MY career and I've worked with R for 8 years." ALL I SAID TO THE MANAGER WAS 'HI, I'M BROOKE"S MOM, I'VE NEVER MET YOU AND WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORKING WITH HER".
Her Dad and she are paranoid that I'm gonna wanna stick my nose into her career and ........I dunno...prolly want $ or something or to tell him what to do. Which is SOOOO wrong cuz I've been saving for both Luke and Brooke from my trust account for their future to give to them and if I wanted to tell the manager what to do, I would've done that YEARS ago.
It's another control thing that my ex has. He calls her every day. He never remarried, he's 49, he pays her $3k a month rent in Manhattan and has for two years ...I send her $ and food every month. The only time she talks to me is when she needs that $ and then she's really sweet.
I feel like they want me to completely stay out of her life. Her head is getting so big and she's changing already and being "Hollywoodized" and B is encouraging her all the way even if it means letting her wear seductive clothes that barely cover her.....cuz "sex appeal sells". That's NOT who my daughter is. This all makes me sick and kinda wishes that she doesn't sign on with the label. She's a singer/songwriter with alot of talent, but if anybody knows or has heard how some Hollywood parents are (ie: Joe Simpson, Jessica and Ashlee's ex Baptist pastor father that tells them what to do all the time)........that's what my ex is doing. AND, if I express my concerns or hurts, they tell ME that I'm outta line.
What to do here? I'm totally torn between not wanting my daughter to become something she's not and seeing her pushed out there by her Dad to do just that cuz it "sells".
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
You're entitled to be in her business because she wouldn't be able to do what she does without you stumping up cash every month. Sounds like she doesn't appreciate that support any longer. Time for her to be a 24 year old adult rather than a 24 year old kid?
Does she understand what you went through when you were with her Dad? What kind of guy he is? All you can do is let her make her own mistakes and be there if she needs you.
Does she understand what you went through when you were with her Dad? What kind of guy he is? All you can do is let her make her own mistakes and be there if she needs you.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi Minnie,
She was 3 when we finally got away from him. My son was 5. He remembers watching his Dad spit in my face or push me up against the wall by my shirt, but he doesn't talk about it because he starts getting emotional.
Today my son is thee most NON-violent person there is. He's got a huge heart, but some scars inside from the past.
Brooke doesn't remember and when she was younger, I'd try to tell her a little bit about it and she refused to listen to me. My x always denied it. He said that I was a "lying psycho B****". Up until two years ago. He finally admitted that he abused me and apologized. I forgave him, but I told him that I'd never forget.
The thing is......behind his back, both my kids call him by his first name instead of "Dad". Because he's such a control freak, I was kinda floored by that and said to them "does he know you call him that?" and they said "yeah".
I asked "what does he think of it?" and they said "at first, he hated it, but now he doesn't care". I asked them "do you call me by my first name behind my back?" and they said "No. You've always have been 'Mom" " and I've never heard anything said differently about that, so I believe them.
Luke's told me "Mom,, I wish that B would back out of my life. He tries to be in it so much", plus it hurts Luke that B doesn't like Luke's gf because she's not a "Christian"......HA!
Brooke is manipulated by her Dad. She needs his $ and he knows that. That's why he does it. There is a thing called "financial abuse", too, where some one controls another with $. BUT, she ends up treating me JUST like he did.
It's sad because she has this amazing opportunity now and if she keeps that "it's all about me" attitude, she's gonna fail. And, yeah.....I'll be here for her when she does.
((hugs))
She was 3 when we finally got away from him. My son was 5. He remembers watching his Dad spit in my face or push me up against the wall by my shirt, but he doesn't talk about it because he starts getting emotional.
Today my son is thee most NON-violent person there is. He's got a huge heart, but some scars inside from the past.
Brooke doesn't remember and when she was younger, I'd try to tell her a little bit about it and she refused to listen to me. My x always denied it. He said that I was a "lying psycho B****". Up until two years ago. He finally admitted that he abused me and apologized. I forgave him, but I told him that I'd never forget.
The thing is......behind his back, both my kids call him by his first name instead of "Dad". Because he's such a control freak, I was kinda floored by that and said to them "does he know you call him that?" and they said "yeah".
I asked "what does he think of it?" and they said "at first, he hated it, but now he doesn't care". I asked them "do you call me by my first name behind my back?" and they said "No. You've always have been 'Mom" " and I've never heard anything said differently about that, so I believe them.
Luke's told me "Mom,, I wish that B would back out of my life. He tries to be in it so much", plus it hurts Luke that B doesn't like Luke's gf because she's not a "Christian"......HA!
Brooke is manipulated by her Dad. She needs his $ and he knows that. That's why he does it. There is a thing called "financial abuse", too, where some one controls another with $. BUT, she ends up treating me JUST like he did.
It's sad because she has this amazing opportunity now and if she keeps that "it's all about me" attitude, she's gonna fail. And, yeah.....I'll be here for her when she does.
((hugs))
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
After Brooke "scolding" me for getting in her business and me telling her that she ignores her fans, only gets in touch with me when she needs money and she needs to think of others because God got her to where she is now....He can take it away, too, that getting an inflated ego is gonna be her downfall....it's been quiet for a few days.
So, she texted me this morning and said "I love you, Mommy (always calls me "Mommy" even though she's 24.) and I hope you have a great day!"
I'm gonna wait to reply to that for a bit. First, because I'm not sure if it's something that her Dad told her to do, so that I'll still keep sending her $ , secondly...I just don't know what to say to that (except that, of course, "I love you, too, Brooke")
Any suggestions?
So, she texted me this morning and said "I love you, Mommy (always calls me "Mommy" even though she's 24.) and I hope you have a great day!"
I'm gonna wait to reply to that for a bit. First, because I'm not sure if it's something that her Dad told her to do, so that I'll still keep sending her $ , secondly...I just don't know what to say to that (except that, of course, "I love you, too, Brooke")
Any suggestions?
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
"I love you, too, Brooke"
I agree with Minnie. As much as it may hurt, you have to let her go and live her life and learn her lessons on her own.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
You sound like an incredible mom. I'm sure Brooke knows that. But I also agree with Minnie....time to let her grow up. I'm sure you know the best thing you can do for her is be there when she will need you most....just like you've always been.
Hang in there...everything will be okay.
Hang in there...everything will be okay.
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