Why?
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
OT...
How is it that Judy and Minnie don't show up as being online with the green dot, don't show up as "Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread," and still manage to pop in regularly and make comments. I very rarely see Minnie or ASpouse listed on a thread I'm on, and BOOM, a post shows up when I refresh! You two are so elusive!
How is it that Judy and Minnie don't show up as being online with the green dot, don't show up as "Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread," and still manage to pop in regularly and make comments. I very rarely see Minnie or ASpouse listed on a thread I'm on, and BOOM, a post shows up when I refresh! You two are so elusive!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
don't get me wrong, mine says all his stuff in a cute way and it's quite funny. when you type it it doesn't sound funny but i assure you, it is. he can be the jack a-- kind when he's drinking but not so much sober. judy, he is always "on" and thinking on his toes. he knows exactly what someone wants to hear and when they want to hear it. he knows how to turn on the charm like no other. when backed into a corner, he knows exactly how to get out of it whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. should have been a big read flag when he let me in on this tid bit...which of course was said as a joke and out of humor (but he lives it)...he'll never admit when he's wrong or if he's lied...his mottow he told me was "lie, deny demand proof..." I said, "what if someone had a picture as proof," he said, "that isn't proof." I said what if someone saw you doing something with their own eyes, he said, "how far away were they standing...." it's endless....he can/will talk his way out of anything....if he can't then it's because someone is choosing to not believe him because their crazy, not because he's lying. yes, i am talking about our relationship. it's frustrating.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Spoken like a well trained sales person ...... only problem is, he believes his own hype. Sad that he handles his relationships that same way. I bet he's really smoothe too! People like him (and I've known a few) can actually make someone think they are going crazy, doubt their own sanity and their own thought process. Is he a Scorpio by any chance? or a Leo?
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Judy, just like my ex too. He underestimated me, though.
TG, I'm invisible too. My ex used to post on this site and I'd rather he didn't know when I am on-line if he ever decided to pop back in, although the chances of that are fairly remote. I'm not bothered about him reading my posts anymore, because I have nothing to hide, except I feel a bit safer when it is not obvious I'm here.
Sunshine - how can you ever believe a word he says? He sounds as fake as my ex and that's saying something. The things I could tell you........
TG, I'm invisible too. My ex used to post on this site and I'd rather he didn't know when I am on-line if he ever decided to pop back in, although the chances of that are fairly remote. I'm not bothered about him reading my posts anymore, because I have nothing to hide, except I feel a bit safer when it is not obvious I'm here.
Sunshine - how can you ever believe a word he says? He sounds as fake as my ex and that's saying something. The things I could tell you........
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
I'm starting to wonder that same thing minnie. This thread has done wonders, it comes out little by little doesn't it? My trust in him is gone but my self doubt of that creeps in. I think maybe it's me and I just don't know how to believe in someone, blah blah blah. Truth is, he's probably done all the things I suspect and more. Where is my backbone and self respect? After typing his "lie, deny,demand proof" joke, so much flooded up for me. All the excuses he'd have for my suspicions here and there, all his talk, just hit me like a ton of bricks and I thought, "How can I ever doubt for a second that I shoudn't leave?" My backbone is growing faster and faster. Hopefully it strengthens and doesn't snap!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
my ex is not/was not in sales. he worked for the federal government at the
national weather service, had a job where you never had to be right, yet
still get paid for it. if you doubt that, watch your local weather and you'll
see what i mean and he is an aries.....
national weather service, had a job where you never had to be right, yet
still get paid for it. if you doubt that, watch your local weather and you'll
see what i mean and he is an aries.....
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Sunshine - here are some highlights since we split up in December 04. Within 6 weeks he was on-line dating, within 3 months he was on holiday at "our" place with someone and by last summer they were engaged. And all the while, he was trying to get me back - to be met by a brick wall, of course.
- he was "begging for sex" from other women on-line a month after he got engaged to this new woman.
- he denied to her that we were ever engaged and also denied that he was previously married to anyone but the mother of his son. (he was married to someone else after that)
- he is back to denying that he's an alcoholic, despite the fact that she has found empty wine bottles in his overnight bag.
- he sent me a video clip of a cat (identical to mine) that he said was a stray and that he'd had to go out and buy stuff for it and was thinking of a name. Turns out is was hers that was at the house whilst she (and her daughter) stayed for a week.
- he was planning to buy a house with her, saying that he would rent out his current place to pay the mortgage. Of course, he didn't tell her that he didn't own the house and was only renting it himself. He even showed someone round!
- he bought her the exact same presents, down to the same lingerie and jewelry.
- he took her away to the same resort in Jamaica that we had been for the previous 3 years. Within 3 weeks of meeting her.
- when I went down on business in May, all (our) photos were still up and his "recovery" books were all around the place. It seems they were simply put up for my benefit as she had never seen them before.
- he owes me $50,000 including interest and has sworn in court papers that he doesn't. Shame for him that I have evidence from him many times over that he does.
- he "diverted" 2 cheques that were meant for the business, a total of about $25,000.
and that's not even starting on the stuff that happened when we were together. The strange thing is that most of this stuff would have been found out in time.
- he was "begging for sex" from other women on-line a month after he got engaged to this new woman.
- he denied to her that we were ever engaged and also denied that he was previously married to anyone but the mother of his son. (he was married to someone else after that)
- he is back to denying that he's an alcoholic, despite the fact that she has found empty wine bottles in his overnight bag.
- he sent me a video clip of a cat (identical to mine) that he said was a stray and that he'd had to go out and buy stuff for it and was thinking of a name. Turns out is was hers that was at the house whilst she (and her daughter) stayed for a week.
- he was planning to buy a house with her, saying that he would rent out his current place to pay the mortgage. Of course, he didn't tell her that he didn't own the house and was only renting it himself. He even showed someone round!
- he bought her the exact same presents, down to the same lingerie and jewelry.
- he took her away to the same resort in Jamaica that we had been for the previous 3 years. Within 3 weeks of meeting her.
- when I went down on business in May, all (our) photos were still up and his "recovery" books were all around the place. It seems they were simply put up for my benefit as she had never seen them before.
- he owes me $50,000 including interest and has sworn in court papers that he doesn't. Shame for him that I have evidence from him many times over that he does.
- he "diverted" 2 cheques that were meant for the business, a total of about $25,000.
and that's not even starting on the stuff that happened when we were together. The strange thing is that most of this stuff would have been found out in time.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Faithful? I think now that he was seeing his ex wife behind my back in the beginning. The rest of the time he didn't have a chance to be as he isolated the two of to such an extent that we were rarely apart. (we ran a business together from home.) I do believe that in time he would have been unfaithful, but that's just projection.
I don't think he ever did admit to his lies. Very deft at changing the subject, usually onto something I had done or how much he was "suffering". Very clever. And when he knew that I was really on to him, he found someone who was as gullible as I was in the beginning. All the info I have listed above came to light after email conversations with his fiancee, who contacted me after she found an email from him to me in which he was trying to get me to give things another go. Only a couple of months after thet got engaged. She is still with him as far as I know and their wedding was being planned for next month. Bets on for it being in Jamaica?
I don't think he ever did admit to his lies. Very deft at changing the subject, usually onto something I had done or how much he was "suffering". Very clever. And when he knew that I was really on to him, he found someone who was as gullible as I was in the beginning. All the info I have listed above came to light after email conversations with his fiancee, who contacted me after she found an email from him to me in which he was trying to get me to give things another go. Only a couple of months after thet got engaged. She is still with him as far as I know and their wedding was being planned for next month. Bets on for it being in Jamaica?
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Oh, and the best one of all is from when was posting on here. In his last post he declared his undying love for me and his most fervent desire that we work things out and that he stay on the joyous recovery road...................after having registered with an on-line dating agency a few hours before.
Word of warning - never introduce your OH to this site. It's YOUR space. And don't mess with someone who has more IT knowledge than you.
Word of warning - never introduce your OH to this site. It's YOUR space. And don't mess with someone who has more IT knowledge than you.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
I see. My AH hasn't done the types of things you list. His lies to me deal with him being unfaithful while out drinking but his turn around is like your ex's was....he changes the subject onto things I've done (if there isn't anything he'll make something up), he is vague and has told me of his "suffering" due to how I don't trust him, it is clever. When he feels the heat is turned up too high his turn around is at it's best. Hook line and sinker, it has always worked and I end up doubting my reality of it. But after things settle and I look at it again, I see all the inconsistanties and gaps in what took place. IF I revisit a subject then it's me "not letting go" of something he thought we were passed, why do I do this, blah blahblah. His turn around works because well, obviously I let it. I don't feel good about that and it makes me uncomfortable in my own skin for so many reasons. His series of one night stands grosses me out.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
The thing is, Sunshine, I didn't think he was capable of lies on this scale. I thought it was solely related to his drinking. It was only when I let go, detached and allowed him to show me his true colours that I realised the depths this man will go to.
One night stands? Tell me again why you're still there?
(Judy, I know this may seem OT, but I do think it is linked into your OP. Perhaps by gossamer thin thread....
)
One night stands? Tell me again why you're still there?
(Judy, I know this may seem OT, but I do think it is linked into your OP. Perhaps by gossamer thin thread....
)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
I think Sunshine you put too much emphasis on "HIS" lying ..... perhaps that is what you need to do to stay strong. I hope once you are moved and settled, that you will think about getting some counselling and learn to trust again and stay away from good looking smarmy men, LOL
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