progress!
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
progress!
Hi Everyone:
Haven't been around for quite a while now, but today I wanted to let everyone know, especially Distraught Mom, the progress I've made. The good news is I've finally learned how to say "and what part of this problem do you feel is my responsibility" although my Son hates me when I say this, I have finally learned, and ocassionally, feel good about learning to say "NO." I still have guilt when he wants me to agree with him and I tell him like it is. I have no problem telling him that his life is in his hands and it is his responsiblity to get back on his feet. I tell him he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start getting the help he needs. He doesn't call and insult me much anymore because I've learned to hang up! I don't know that his behavior is any better now, but at least one of us is learning! I feel pretty well most of the time, but of course, there are the nights when I wish things could have been different! I keep praying. Hugs, Devastated
Haven't been around for quite a while now, but today I wanted to let everyone know, especially Distraught Mom, the progress I've made. The good news is I've finally learned how to say "and what part of this problem do you feel is my responsibility" although my Son hates me when I say this, I have finally learned, and ocassionally, feel good about learning to say "NO." I still have guilt when he wants me to agree with him and I tell him like it is. I have no problem telling him that his life is in his hands and it is his responsiblity to get back on his feet. I tell him he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start getting the help he needs. He doesn't call and insult me much anymore because I've learned to hang up! I don't know that his behavior is any better now, but at least one of us is learning! I feel pretty well most of the time, but of course, there are the nights when I wish things could have been different! I keep praying. Hugs, Devastated
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hurray for Devastated!!!!
I know what a big step this has been for you and want to say congratulations.
Sadly, they may or may not change their behaviour, but we can change our reaction to it. We do not have to participate in their bad days, their bad moods, or their problems. We let go and take no ownership of any of these things.
And we take back our self-respect and sanity.
My prayers are with you Devastated.
I know what a big step this has been for you and want to say congratulations.
Sadly, they may or may not change their behaviour, but we can change our reaction to it. We do not have to participate in their bad days, their bad moods, or their problems. We let go and take no ownership of any of these things.
And we take back our self-respect and sanity.
My prayers are with you Devastated.
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Accolades!
Thanks everyone for the accolades! I needed them today after 15 phone calls last night (2 answered). I answered the first call and it started out the same way and ended the same way. The second call was to apologize for the first and then he was off again telling me that it was my fault he is where he is. I let him talk and then replied, please don't waste your money calling me with all this negativity but do call me when you have something positive to say and then I hung up. He was furious with me and he left messages telling me it is because he is bipolar and has this disease. He said that before and my reply to this was..bipolar is treatable and to stop using it as an excuse for bad even criminal behavior. He doesn't like me very much about now!! It's ok, I don't think he ever liked me! I still love him and that's all that matters.. I am feeling pretty good about how I'm reacting to his misery now. Thanks to all of you!!! Hugs, Devastated
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Posts: n/a
Devastated,
I do this for a living. It's just harder with my son because I'm emotionally tied in.
Behavior modification. This weekend at work I had one of my new clients start his behaviors. It was time to put the behavior manipulation into practice. He came out on the couch after bedtime and said he was sleeping there. I kept telling him to go to bed and he kept refusing. It is very important to choose the battle and make sure you win. I felt that this one needed to be won or he would be sleeping on the couch every night.
I kept loudly telling him to go to bed so he couldn't fall asleep. He got mad and jumped up and said he was going AWOL. He ran out the front door barefoot in PJ's. I looked at him and said goodbye and closed the door behind him. I was able to watch him through a window without him knowing it. He was out there watching for me and when he saw I wasn't coming knew he had to come back in. While he was out I had the other staff member turn over all the furniture so he didn't have a place to lie down. We pretended we were vacuuming. He did not grasp the fact that he could turn it back over and went to his room. He said he was staying up in his room. I just told him he had to go to sleep in his room as a tactic to let him think he was winning while in his room.
He slept through the night in his room.
Well I carried on here, but my point is that you are doing the same kind of behavior modification with your son. When he knows it's not going to work he will change his behavior. Don't give in or you'll have to start all over again and it will be harder the next time. This is only helping him.
Hugs,
MG
I do this for a living. It's just harder with my son because I'm emotionally tied in.
Behavior modification. This weekend at work I had one of my new clients start his behaviors. It was time to put the behavior manipulation into practice. He came out on the couch after bedtime and said he was sleeping there. I kept telling him to go to bed and he kept refusing. It is very important to choose the battle and make sure you win. I felt that this one needed to be won or he would be sleeping on the couch every night.
I kept loudly telling him to go to bed so he couldn't fall asleep. He got mad and jumped up and said he was going AWOL. He ran out the front door barefoot in PJ's. I looked at him and said goodbye and closed the door behind him. I was able to watch him through a window without him knowing it. He was out there watching for me and when he saw I wasn't coming knew he had to come back in. While he was out I had the other staff member turn over all the furniture so he didn't have a place to lie down. We pretended we were vacuuming. He did not grasp the fact that he could turn it back over and went to his room. He said he was staying up in his room. I just told him he had to go to sleep in his room as a tactic to let him think he was winning while in his room.
He slept through the night in his room.
Well I carried on here, but my point is that you are doing the same kind of behavior modification with your son. When he knows it's not going to work he will change his behavior. Don't give in or you'll have to start all over again and it will be harder the next time. This is only helping him.
Hugs,
MG
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
(((((DEVASTATED))))
your doing so good !!
you are turning your son's behavior
over to him and his HP !
we can be more free every time
we are able to let go and let God
and it is a great feeling !
thanks so much for sharing your progress
Not perfect-just moving in the right direction
liddy
your doing so good !!
you are turning your son's behavior
over to him and his HP !
we can be more free every time
we are able to let go and let God
and it is a great feeling !
thanks so much for sharing your progress
Not perfect-just moving in the right direction
liddy
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