Well, if I didn't think he was cheating before...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Well, if I didn't think he was cheating before...
Hey everyone,
Well, if I wasn't 95% sure he is cheating, I just moved up to 100%. We hired someone to help sheetrock the garage. After I got home today, my H was gone, and the guy said something about my husband's cousin that came by named Donna. Well guess what? Donna is the name of the person that I told you all about last week. I told him he didn't have a cousin named Donna. The guy said that she came by yesterday too. He knew where she worked, so I called and asked for Donna. I got her last name, and I looked her up in the phone book. I just drove by her house, and his car is there.
Can you believe this is happening? I am shocked. I want to run away now. This instant. I have to stay in town until Feb. 28th because my boss needs me. The two of us are in charge of an event that day, and she needs me to be here. I don't know anyone I can stay with in town. I want to leave now. I want to go to my parents (10 hours away) and never come back. I wish I didn't have to stay until the end of the month.
I hate him. I hate him with all of my heart.
I want to leave now.
My head hurts.
Well, if I wasn't 95% sure he is cheating, I just moved up to 100%. We hired someone to help sheetrock the garage. After I got home today, my H was gone, and the guy said something about my husband's cousin that came by named Donna. Well guess what? Donna is the name of the person that I told you all about last week. I told him he didn't have a cousin named Donna. The guy said that she came by yesterday too. He knew where she worked, so I called and asked for Donna. I got her last name, and I looked her up in the phone book. I just drove by her house, and his car is there.
Can you believe this is happening? I am shocked. I want to run away now. This instant. I have to stay in town until Feb. 28th because my boss needs me. The two of us are in charge of an event that day, and she needs me to be here. I don't know anyone I can stay with in town. I want to leave now. I want to go to my parents (10 hours away) and never come back. I wish I didn't have to stay until the end of the month.
I hate him. I hate him with all of my heart.
I want to leave now.
My head hurts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
sorry TG. you must be plain sick. what are you gonna do when he gets home? pretend like nothing? I don't like Donna if that helps any (sorry, I'm trying to make a joke and act like a jr high girl like he's doing.). I don't know what to say except how sorry I am.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 425
Texasgirl, I feel so badly for you. I went through that as well.
I know it won't help you much now, but believe me when I say that things happen for a reason. Someone was trying to tell you the truth so you didn't question yourself any more.
I tried lying to myself, making excuses for him, believing only what my heart and head could handle at the time, but then the truth finally came out, and I went into a complete tailspin.
Now that we have been divorced 7 years, and I am so much happier, I look back and am thankful that the truth came out finally.
Big, big hugs for you honey,
Diana
I know it won't help you much now, but believe me when I say that things happen for a reason. Someone was trying to tell you the truth so you didn't question yourself any more.
I tried lying to myself, making excuses for him, believing only what my heart and head could handle at the time, but then the truth finally came out, and I went into a complete tailspin.
Now that we have been divorced 7 years, and I am so much happier, I look back and am thankful that the truth came out finally.
Big, big hugs for you honey,
Diana
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
((texasgirl))
I'm sorry to hear this. I went through it my whole 15 year marriage - ONS while drunk (yes, I was nuts). Thank god this last time - the first non-ONS - I was in Al-Anon and could deal with it a little better. Like shaday says, it would be easier if it was a breakup because of loss of love.
I felt EXACTLY like you. All I can offer you is that 3 months later I am in such a better place. Still some pain and still some crying, but not like those first days. It does get better. The next few weeks will be tough for you. Hang in there.
I'm sorry to hear this. I went through it my whole 15 year marriage - ONS while drunk (yes, I was nuts). Thank god this last time - the first non-ONS - I was in Al-Anon and could deal with it a little better. Like shaday says, it would be easier if it was a breakup because of loss of love.
I felt EXACTLY like you. All I can offer you is that 3 months later I am in such a better place. Still some pain and still some crying, but not like those first days. It does get better. The next few weeks will be tough for you. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
If you need to leave you might try the crisis line, they might put you up till you can go to your parents. do you have your own money i hope, you could find a motel that rents by the week also. Just thoughts, but if you own your home see if best to stay, do you have a lawyer?? again just thoughts HUGS I am soo sorry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I remember the day I found out for sure and my head hurt too! It was a necessary thing for me to find out. If you can't leave, why not drop his stuff at Donnas? If only we had the ability to be composed, but we don't. My heart goes out to you. I do think you have just tapped into the emotion that will allow ou to walk away.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
I'm so sorry........same thing here with just a little twist. It really hurts; and the anger.
Luckily for me, he lives in another place.
For me , I kept it to myself for a bit. When I was ready I told him to save his energy, I knew the truth. I does feel better in a way that I could "feel" my gut and brain in conflict. I could go on with this subject for a long time, but I won't. Sending you a big hug. You did nothing to deserve this, a victim of the behavior of two very sick people. (She certainly doesn't sound like the brightest of people......."cousin Donna";really!) IMHO
Luckily for me, he lives in another place.
For me , I kept it to myself for a bit. When I was ready I told him to save his energy, I knew the truth. I does feel better in a way that I could "feel" my gut and brain in conflict. I could go on with this subject for a long time, but I won't. Sending you a big hug. You did nothing to deserve this, a victim of the behavior of two very sick people. (She certainly doesn't sound like the brightest of people......."cousin Donna";really!) IMHO
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
My heart truly goes out to you right now. How I wish I was there to just hold you and let you sob! (Goodness knows that my my best friend has held me plenty of times while I just released all the pain through major embarrassing sobs.)
I wish there was something that I could say to make this less painful for you, but I really don't have any words. I don't think there is anything to make you feel better right now. But in time, it will hurt less. That may sound cliche', but it is true. It takes awhile as you'll go through a whole grieving process. Know and remember that it's very normal to go through that - whether a person stays or leaves the relationship, a lot of losses have just been realized and it hurts like major hell. I dont think there is any pain quite like betrayal.
If it's feasible at all, I'd probably stay at a hotel if I were you. It's hard to face the person when you are feeling as you are right now. The pain is very raw.
Grieve, but take care of yourself as well. And please keep posting so I will know you're okay.
Sending you lots of hugs.
I wish there was something that I could say to make this less painful for you, but I really don't have any words. I don't think there is anything to make you feel better right now. But in time, it will hurt less. That may sound cliche', but it is true. It takes awhile as you'll go through a whole grieving process. Know and remember that it's very normal to go through that - whether a person stays or leaves the relationship, a lot of losses have just been realized and it hurts like major hell. I dont think there is any pain quite like betrayal.
If it's feasible at all, I'd probably stay at a hotel if I were you. It's hard to face the person when you are feeling as you are right now. The pain is very raw.
Grieve, but take care of yourself as well. And please keep posting so I will know you're okay.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Grateful Member!
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Shampoohorn City
Posts: 246
[QUOTE=StandingStrong]
If it's feasible at all, I'd probably stay at a hotel if I were you. It's hard to face the person when you are feeling as you are right now. The pain is very raw.
QUOTE]
Oh (TG), I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I believe SS is right, if it is feasible at all a hotel, and if possible a really nice FIVE STAR, with a spa! You need to get away for a night or two, you deserve some good sleep and to do for you, whatever it is you need, right now. Really big hug coming at you.
If it's feasible at all, I'd probably stay at a hotel if I were you. It's hard to face the person when you are feeling as you are right now. The pain is very raw.
QUOTE]
Oh (TG), I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I believe SS is right, if it is feasible at all a hotel, and if possible a really nice FIVE STAR, with a spa! You need to get away for a night or two, you deserve some good sleep and to do for you, whatever it is you need, right now. Really big hug coming at you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 367
Girlfriend,,,I like your avatar.
Texas....who said you should leave.? His stuff would be on the curb when he came home. That might be wrong advice, but from what you've told us in the past....makes sense to me.
Texas....who said you should leave.? His stuff would be on the curb when he came home. That might be wrong advice, but from what you've told us in the past....makes sense to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: texas
Posts: 35
All I can say is sorry. Mine just recently told me he has been with someone two times, but who knows how truthful they are being. Still trying to sell the house and plan on moving into an apartment, hopefully this will happen soon. Do you have any friends? Do not be afraid or ashamed to open up, there are friends who do understand and will help.
Doubletime
Doubletime
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
If you do need to leave (because YOU decide), then Clancy makes a good point - crisis line or women's shelter may have some resources for you.
If you agree with Velvet (and I am leaning that way myself), then all I can add is... stuff on the lawn should be on fire.
I am sorry you are going through this - it won't last forever, try to take it one day at a time.
If you agree with Velvet (and I am leaning that way myself), then all I can add is... stuff on the lawn should be on fire.
I am sorry you are going through this - it won't last forever, try to take it one day at a time.
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