stewing

I'm not sure how to stay close friends to the wife of an A. Any book recommendations. She'll admit hard liquor is an issue for him but that's about the limit. His antics have been wearing on me since they moved into the neighborhood a few years ago. His wife is an angel but he makes me so crazy and I don't trust him. I don't get how she can't or won't put her foot down but I'm learning by reading your posts. He just got a DUI now my husband gets to drive him to darts every week and pick up the tab as he "forgets" his$

Just some sage advice or a decent book would be a great place for me to start.
Thanks

elizabeth1979

Hi Stewing, most of us are married to, divorced from, or parents of or children of an alcoholic here.

So, Pardon my bluntness when I ask, how the neighbors drinking is affecting your life? How is his drinking making YOU crazy?
With a kind heart, I tell you, there is nobody who can make an alcoholic stop drinking if they dont want to. Putting her foot down, would scuff up her shoe and little else.

If this is a matter of how to help your friend who is married to an alcoholic, then all I can suggest is listening to her, being available if she wants to talk about it, and light on conversation if she doesnt.

stewing

wow didn't mean to hack you off.

Several couples in the area get together periodically on the weekends. Don't feel penalizing his wife for his behavior is a good idea.
caught him teaching our daughters to dirty dance by rubbing their nipples an grinding their hips( they are5,and 10 mine is 7). cornered my son on the deck and pushed him into a corner with a frontal hip thrust(son is 6). the list goes on and on but obviously I am not welcome here.
Beat of luck to you

Justme57

I agree . He wont stop til he is ready. As to what his wife does about it , it is her decision, and should not concern you at all. I cannot see how HIS drinking could make YOU crazy?
As for your husband taking him to darts, and paying whatever, let him deal with it .

All you can do, as a friend , is be there if she needs/wants to talk, and dont harp at her re her husband ,it is their business.

HUGX
Lee

elizabeth1979

Im not hacked.
I would say that his drinking is not your responsibilty, although your childrens safety is.
I think that is what the issue and focus would be if I was in your shoes.

Justme57

I just read your 2nd post Stewing, and if he had done that in my house , he would have been out quicker than he could blink. AND not welcome back.

His wife does not need to pay the penalty for his drunken behaviour

Lee

BlueMoon

stewing -
methinks you need a bit thicker skin -
NO ONE here is attacking you.
We only offer the truth AS WE KNOW IT
You DID ask for input right???
How is asking you for more details an attack???

YOU ARE welcome here!

GettingBy

It sounds pretty clear to me how the drinking is affecting her.... As for what to do... it's about boundaries. If he is doing things that make you uncomfortable, I would think that doing things as a couple might not be an option anymore. But like you said, that doesn't mean you have to punish the wife. You could still do "girl" things with her.

It's tough, I know. I'm in a similiar situation right now. I was unfortunately present for some horrible behavior from one of my husband's friends this past weekend. I've decided that it's no longer healthy for me to be around him when he's drunk/drinking. If hubby wants to hang out, that's fine... just count me out. It's about protecting myself from "icky" situations.

My 2 cents... for what they're worth!
Shannon