Kittycat

Hi everyone...........
Well..................I am in a real place. I have been seeing the A.....he is so good since AA. his programs etc. He has made such changes!!!! I am now spinning. He wants me to drop the divorce case...since neither of us have really worked at the divorce at all and the attorneys are eating our money for a snack! Well..........Ok to that. And he respects the fact that I want more time to think this whole thing through and he continues to live apart from me in another house. He is not pushing to come back , but has made it clear he wants to move forward with our life. We talked to my counsellor and he think it is way to soon in his recovery to start marriage counselling.......3 months almost of total sobriety. I am SCARED....I am afraid of hidden agendas! I am feeling very lonely these days ...depressed, but I don't let him know that. I miss him one day ....and hate the sound of his voice the next. I don't know what to think!!! I thik I am going crazeeeeeee! We have now been seperated for five months...I have no desire to look for anyone to take his place. Frankly he is so good to me when he is sober, I don't treat him nearly as kindly as he treats me. I admit I have smoldering anger for many things that took place over the years...I can't seem to let go of it. HOW do we do this...I am trying but the anger just pounds at me!
Babbling me...........I can see sorry guys!
Love Kitty
My avatar promises to get out of his Santa suite!

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Kitty.

I relate. One minute you think "inside this alcoholic is a person" and the next "inside this person is an alcoholic". Keep taking it slow.

Hugs,
Smoke

JT

Kitty,

I would also say take it slow. Enjoy the good hubby, but stay at a safe enough distance to be able to back away if the bad hubby should come to call.

Hugs,
JT

Ann

Kitty

There is no agenda - there is no time frame...just take it slow and give it time to work.

Life has no guarantees, short-term or long-term, but when we keep getting defective relationships, we may want to examine our choices.

I love Smoke's analogy - we want the "person". It's just keeping the Alcoholic/addict at bay. And we are powerless.

And we can't just live our lives "waiting" to see if they get recovery or if they relapse. That means we are ALWAYS waiting.

We need to focus on ourselves and decide what we want out of life. Often we don't even know who we are and now is a good time to find out. And this takes time too.

Things seem to be going well, Kitty and I am happy for you. Just hope you will take time to heal and to feel comfortable about your choices in this relationship.

Debbie

******{Kitty}}}}

Nothing to add to what these wise ladies have said. Take it slow and keep the focus on you. You deserve happiness.

Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Cajun girl

Kitty: I agree with all here let go of him and let him work on his recovery, enjoy the moment. What about focusing on you? Is it time to work on releasing some of your anger to free YOU up. What can you do for yourself to alleviate your fear?

Kittycat

I spoke to him this morning and he is going to see a counselor ALONE. AMEN! He has said to me many times..no matter where you go or what you do or whom you do it with...NO one can guarantee that you will be happy or that they are going to treat you right in the long run. I agreee with this....it is my fear. I have had too many alcholoic men in my life...and I guess he is goiing to have to really just about jump through hoops to prove himself. So...with that he said he willling to anything I ask to make this marriage work. Myself........I have been trough conselling for years...I know I am a fragile person...who takes on wayyyyyyy to much. I have really stopped that...starting with my kids...who are good but bleed me for money or call when the chips are down. That is another story. I am done with that.
I am really going to make the effort to treat the A better. There is no one I know who would ever do as much for me..even my own Mother...for sure my kids : )
It is my life....and I guess I have to live it someday ...right : )
Thanks for all you good words...it is amazing what a post from the group can do for your brain and soul...
Much Love.......Kitty

momof4girls

(((kitty)))

I've been where you are, done that......without Al-Anon. All my well meaning friends' advice made me even more insane. Now I have an Al-Anon sponsor to call who's got quite a few more years in the program than I have. If my AA is "acting up" as I call it, I call her and she tells me just how it is.....most times I don't want to hear what she has to say, but I need it!

The ODAT book and Courage to Change have a bunch of readings on Anger and Resentment. I have to look at these pages often cuz I can go to Anger very quickly and not want to let it go.

As others have said, we're here for you. Keep coming back....more will be revealed!

Love and blessings in the program. momof 4