Not that its any of my business....
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Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
The issue with the kids aside (of course that is what is important) but I don't find this strange at all that this is the kind of persn G. has as a roommate. Heck; Jessica is married to him (and loves him!) and won't live with him.......really, who "normal" would want to knowingly hook up with an active alcoholic except for another one or someone with their own issues and/or desperatefor a place to live.
Water finds its own level!
Water finds its own level!
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Originally Posted by StandingStrong
I'm guessing that the man is just another one of those reflections on G. G is irresponsible and you perhaps see that this man is also from what you know. Perhaps G has a pattern of picking the wrong friends or hanging out with less than desirable people. For whatever reason, I think I see it that G is supposed to be a responsible parent to the children and if he chooses to have some man move in that is or seems to be irresponsible, could put your children in a bad situation, etc. - I think the issue should lie on G himself, not the roommate.
I guess I'm wondering if maybe you are trying to deflect the issue away from G when I believe it's G that you have the issue with.
As I said, I hope I'm not out of line. I've just seen too many times where the blame for our A's gets put on other things and people when it all comes back to the A themselves.
Just some food for thought.
I guess I'm wondering if maybe you are trying to deflect the issue away from G when I believe it's G that you have the issue with.
As I said, I hope I'm not out of line. I've just seen too many times where the blame for our A's gets put on other things and people when it all comes back to the A themselves.
Just some food for thought.
YES...I'm afraid with this person living there will trigger the "irresponsible" G again.
I checked this guy out.....he is not a felon and is not a sex offender. But do I want my kids in that environment? Do I want my kids sleeping in an apartment with some 43 year old man that I know nothing about. It scares me. I will talk to G about this. Definately. The thought gives me the creeps. Maybe working where I work for so long has put a bad impression in my mind. This guy could be totally harmless.
You know, I may sound stupid, but there is still this slight bit of hope that G might come around (Although it's been thrown in my face over and over again that he's not). You all know I've been stuck in this "place" for the last few weeks.....
This is just bad news. My gut is telling me this will only make things worse for me and any hope of G turning his life around. But, he is a big boy. It is so hard to accept reality....for me anyway.
I don't know how to say what my concerns are. But I think SS pretty much nailed it....if I understand you correctly.
Originally Posted by minnie
Your concerns about G are equally valid and I am unsure why you are focussing on the unknown risk rather than the known risk.
Do I sound confused? I can't keep a straight thought in my head right now.
Maybe I'm still not very clear what I'm thinking or feeling at the moment. Could be because my sweet daughter keeps interupting me....lol
I'm really trying hard to figure out what....about this whole situation....is bothering me the most.
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Originally Posted by mallowcup
I'm one paycheck away from not having a place to live sometimes. If my brother, father, son or husband needed a place to stay, I would be glad to know that someone would take him in until he gets on his feet. Some alcoholics look for company. Some people are impoverished, maybe the man is widowed, I just wouldn't turn him into a pervert without evidence that he's done something. Everyone who needs to make changes in his or her life needs to start somewhere. There has to be a "day one".
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Again I say, it is about you and your kids. Mine are a little older than yours, but when I separated with AH, I had a very open and honest discussion with them about the issues. I did not want to keep them from a relationship with their father (selfish, because I didn't want them to resent me for it later), but I did not want to risk their safety. I made sure that they knew what the facts were (when people are addicted, they can sometimes do things that hurt the people they love. it is not the person, it is the addiction, etc. always appropriate for their age and ability to understand.) Arming them with this knowledge without blaming their father, who they love, I gave them the freedom and safety to have a way out. They have me. I will come get them anytime they want, no matter what the reason, doesn't matter if it is 3:00am or 10:00pm. They know that, and I sensed that they were very relieved when this was spelled out to them by me. My AH lives with another A, and he has been abstinent for 5 months (to my knowledge). But there are other people who are his old drinking buddies and friends of his roommate who come over there. I do not distrust any of these people (other than the normal distrust of A's), but I trust my children. You must let them know that they have power! They do not have to be put in any situation that they do not want to be put in. If you want the children to have time and a relationship with their father, you must empower them to know that they are valuable and you are available to come to their rescue, should the need arise. Maybe I am way off base with all this, but children are smart and if you let them know what is acceptable and what is not, and what their way out is, they will surprise you. Mine surprise me with their wisdom every day. They are truly remarkable.
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After all, a responsible adult doesn't get one DUI, never mind going out and getting a second. (Or a third one) Strange though that you say that he should be responsible for having his own place etc etc when G has barely been keeping a roof over his own head. Birds of a feather and all that.
I have learned about this... only try someone in their mid 50's doing this, and still owing child support and sleeping at whatever A's house they could find. I think it's also, when you are sharing or is it squatting in someone else's place... Then you can keep more money for yourself and the drinking.
I don't have kids, so that hasn't been a concern...
I have learned about this... only try someone in their mid 50's doing this, and still owing child support and sleeping at whatever A's house they could find. I think it's also, when you are sharing or is it squatting in someone else's place... Then you can keep more money for yourself and the drinking.
I don't have kids, so that hasn't been a concern...
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
If you want the children to have time and a relationship with their father, you must empower them to know that they are valuable and you are available to come to their rescue, should the need arise.
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Originally Posted by mallowcup
Birds of a feather flock together, sometimes they do. I live with an alcoholic and I don't touch alcohol.
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Jess -
Have you met this man? Do you know his "story"? If it were me, I think that I would find a way to meet him and visit with him. You could do that when you drop the kids off for a visit. This could put your mind at ease or give you reason to feel the way you already do. Try and go into it with an open mind and then see how you feel after talking to the man.
Hugs, Jo
Have you met this man? Do you know his "story"? If it were me, I think that I would find a way to meet him and visit with him. You could do that when you drop the kids off for a visit. This could put your mind at ease or give you reason to feel the way you already do. Try and go into it with an open mind and then see how you feel after talking to the man.
Hugs, Jo
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