Is it the drinking that's the issue?

Old 02-03-2006, 04:57 AM
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Originally Posted by escape artist
alcohol is an emotional growth-stunter. so maybe if there was no alcohol, they would learn how to cope sooner and better.

I agree. And the more it is used, the more the thinking is changed on a profound level. Along with those changes seems to come the unwillingness and/or inability to deal with the ordinary give-and-take in relationships (espcially the closest where there is more interaction) and the mindset of avoiding and escaping anything out of the comfort zone. Problems pile up that way; and so does frustration.

Having seen someone close (sister) go through several detoxes I can say that the difference to the ENTIRE personality is phenomonal-----could see the difference, could hear it (and this is BEFORE working any program.....that is another major change.) After she did get into recovery, we were talking and I asked her had she relapsed (between initial detox and entering IOP about 6 months later). I told her there were about three times I had the feeling something was going on,maybe a slip.......turns out that WAS correct. All family members said independently how the could tell,too......even if they could not "explain it". The thinking is askew and selfishness fires back up.
I can see it in AH in something in his eyes, hear it in a tone in his voice,etc........though he does not appear drunk,smell it, I don't see him drinking,etc. It still "does" something that alters something basic in him that colors everything he does,thinks or says. And he is a daily drinker, so it never ever has the chance to clear his system anymore........THAT difference is really different! I have known him that way,too. ("before"; he was more mature in all ways then, even though he was 20 years or more younger in age). I am told that physically it takes about a month for alcohol to totally leave your system and for those who have been drinking heavily for a long time to expect about one month for each year of drinking before you chan really expect to see a noticable change. If that is true, how can drinking NOT be the key element?

I am sure there are some people who begin at places with more personal problems who lie,cheat,steal etc...not because of the changes but in addition to them. I am just as convinced there are those who become that way because of alcoholism, JMHO.

If your mind is hijacked by a chemical, how can it NOT effect ever thought and action you make?

Interesting discussion.
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Old 02-03-2006, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by JessicaNAJ
Sure he drank a 12 pack a day at 17, but that was not an issue for me at that time. My issues with G started before his drinking became an issue.

Reading this, I have to say,what jumped into my mind was.....are you sure? If he was drinking a 12-pack a day at 17yr, then the drinking HAS been an issue all along, it would seem. Maybe it had just not yet been identified as THE issue?
(Let's put it this way....he has been"chemically-altered" in his thinking all this time, I would guess; unless he had a long period of sobriety between 17yr and now.)

JMHO

I am just now starting to re-look at my own situation in this very light.......I was blind, and I imagine I still am, to a degree. Peeling away that onion.
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Old 02-03-2006, 06:49 AM
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Well for me, it's the behavior that goes with the addiction. The lying (before, during and after the act of drinking), the emotional highs and lows, the emotional dependency (on me), the guilt, selfishness etc.

And even in the times when he was sober, we still didn't get along all that great due to no trust at all for him due to his drinking - always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So yes, in a way it was the drinking. My x started drinking at 12 years old. He is one month shy of 40 (God willing) so his emotional level is really far behind I suspect. Like someone else here said - any discomfort - even normal relationship things like needing time apart - disagreements - was an excuse to drink.
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:09 AM
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strange as this may sound, my mother said to me once, "drugs and alcohol are probably good for some people in this world, cause if they didn't have them they might be doing more damage to the world- at least if they are unconscious, they aren't doing anything more criminal-like if they are impotent and such." sad to say, i could see her logic.
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:24 AM
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I don't get upset because of the number he consumes.

I get upset by the lack of an available partner when that number gets too high.
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:43 AM
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Anxiety and depression was a major problem for me - that was not helped by drinking. As for something spiritually wrong, some weird dark strange twist in my nature...I dont believe that for a second.
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:46 AM
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As for something spiritually wrong, some weird dark strange twist in my nature...I dont believe that for a second.
Comm'on now own own up.....
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:51 AM
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Five, what would you do with breasts if you had them?
Or would you just never leave the house

J
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Old 02-03-2006, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by bahookie
Five, what would you do with breasts if you had them?
Or would you just never leave the house

J
xxx
Sometimes I ask myself that same question.....
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Old 02-03-2006, 08:11 AM
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LOLOL!!! i was thinking the same but wasn't going to give too much away

Ach well, we'd only end up with sore shoulders.

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Old 02-03-2006, 08:29 AM
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Thanks for the chuckle, ladies!
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Old 02-03-2006, 08:47 AM
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trust me on the breast thing...it's not all it's cracked up to be....
I have to keep saying "Hey, my eyes are up here!!!!"
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Old 02-05-2006, 02:21 PM
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Dang, Minnie. You're good. You post two words and get 33 responses. That might be a new SR record.
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Old 02-05-2006, 02:30 PM
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It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

James Thurber
US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)
Needs words or can't post..... errrrr..... ZORT!!
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Old 02-05-2006, 02:35 PM
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And I forgot about it!! Sorry about that, I am still pondering my ramblings from yesterday.

Reading back over the replies is fascinating. It wasn;t a trick question, but I think it might have turned into one. I was asking from OUR point of view, but it is interesting that quite a few people took it that I was talking about the alcoholic. Perhaps a reminder of how the focus has drifted a bit.
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Old 02-05-2006, 02:40 PM
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Us, them, he, me, our, we, - who?

I took it as a relationship thing, but my perspective of that. Blah... too late to make sense.
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