jackieb

Hi - this is my first post so I will give you a brief outline, then if you need more to answer feel free to ask. My sister has been an alcoholic for over 20 years, was even on the transplant list, but removed because she drank again. She has lived out of my state for many years. Her children have totally cut her out of their lives. For some reason I struggle with what I should do. She has apologized many times, but it never sounds real and then she drinks again. She has multiple DWI's.

I guess my main question is - how can you ever trust again?? And how do you know when you can trust again. It always feels like I am waiting for the "other shoe to drop" Thanks for any help.

elizabeth1979

Hi and welcome to SR!
Lots of us here are affected by someone elses drinking.
Did she recently tell you she quit? What do you think was her reason for telling you that?

Like many here, I understand having feelings of doubt.

Please stick around!

mallowcup

Maybe it's best if you don't trust her. That only leaves you to be pleasntly suprised.

Cynay

Welcome to SR.... we are glad you found us.

Well I can tell you how I have and Im trying to create a relationship with my sister. I detach with love. She is who she is, and she is going to do what A's do. I guess what I had to figure out is .......its her life, and she can live it how she wants too. I did however have to seperate myself from her... we talk now and again, and Im polite, no trying to fix her because that is not my job. For me I would rather have my sister as much as I can, then not at all because I dont "approve" of what she is doing with her life. I love her, but have to detach from her behavior...

Im not saying that she does not have a serious problem, what Im saying is that is her problem and choice.... I decided I want "some" kind of relationship with her, so I detach and love her from a distance.

Keep reading... and hang around, we look forward to getting to know you.

jackieb

Thanks to those of you who responded. I am very glad I've found y'all. What brought everything up recently is that she said she was going to move near the city her daughters and I live in. They are grown women now and have done a better job of removing themselves from her drama than I have. She was going to move her on her disability check and food stamp check, with no driver's license, no car and no job, just thinking it would all "work out" I wrote to her and said that if she came that I wanted her and I to see a counselor if she wanted us to have a relationship because I had some areas of mistrust. She got upset with me and said that she could not make anyone trust her , etc. etc. I told her on the contrary she was the only one that could re-establish trust.

She decided not to move yet, but did not communicate anything about the mistrust or what we would do when (if) she moves about the counseling. I don't want to borrow trouble, but am I falsely encouraging her when I do not say how I feel about her crazy plans?

CodeMaster

My ex would do the same, say she quit, but caught lying, lies about everything everywhere no matter how many times I kept trying to trust her, give her the benefit of the doubt, look the other way or believe her. In hindsight, I realized it comes down to letting them do their own thing, learn on their own, and when you see proof of change by action, then you know things changed. What comes out of the mouth is useless and too often, has no logic or sense because their drunk pretending to be normal which causes all the disillusion for those around them.

Best to ya.

mallowcup

Only we know if we trust someone, she need never know if you trust her or not. I think sometimes it is best and healthiest to maintain a bit of distance. Loving contact so that she is in your life but not dictating it.