cloudy

I dreamt about my ex ..He was him again. Everything had still happened, but he was him again. He was leaving state and I told him I wanted to talk to him before he left. I was going to tell him I miss him and please stay. I woke up just before I did. In the dream his hand touched my face. It was the most wonderful feeling. I wanted to grab that hand and hold it to my face forever. (well I guess I'd get tired of it after a while lol!) Ok I guess I'm trying to be funny but it hurts. I do miss him so much and this dream of "going back" has brought about quite a few tears this morning. (kind of like Niagara Falls)

Anyway I woke up and came back to reality. It sucked. I sat there coming back to it and remembered how things left off. Just kind of totally messed up no real goodbye no nothing. I remembered what things became, why I left that day, I realized how much time has passed yet how much to me it feels like yesterday :-(

Thing is I never got to say goodbye long ago because I never knew he was leaving. And by that I mean he was gone long before I knew it, long before I ever 'left'

It's just going to take time is all. I guess I just visit each hurdle a little at a time until one day I might finally clear it.

It's a process and that's that. Good to have support that's for sure.

Thanks for listening

mallowcup

The mind is so self preservng, soothing you with sweet thoughts. It is wonderful to look back and remember the best in someone........but don't forget the worst. I thik there is always guilt that stays with us to some degree. When it ends we know there was nothing else we could have done. As time passes we question that. I think your dreams are a sign you are healing.

equus

This might be good or bad advice but if it was me I would write a letter. I'd make it clear it was a one off and didn't want any response but that I need to say goodbye.

Then I would think for a long time about what truly lies in my heart, I would try to seek the courage to be able to say what I felt and look at any reasons why that made me fearful. I would talk about it as an ending because that is what it is - if I was still doubting that I'd wait until I was sure.

In short if I wanted my goodbye then I'd just do it rather than try to not want it - if that makes sense.

** I'd never get in contact with someone who was physically or in any way that harmed me abusive.

cloudy

I think you hit it on the head Mallowcup, I really do. ((thank you))

sarahlynnl

I think this is true too cause when I got seperated from my ex. I had dreams of him coming back too. But it also made me think of the bad times too and how much I was better off without him.

So maybe our dreams do help us to recover some from the person that we aren't with anymore.

BlueMoon

I can relate to that. Some people might not "get it" but when it hurts SO MUCH - - - ya either gotta laugh or ya gotta cry. I'd rather laugh cuz crying makes my head hurt (+ my nose/eyes red) -
sometimes I even do both at once.

My X-AH left without good-byes - no real closure.
I'd wake up night after night, thinking it was him I has sleeping against when it was really just the mountain of blankets I slept with.
Maybe it was just my subconscious working to get a grasp on a new reality - ?
I could go days without thinking about him and then *BAM* have another of those dreams.

It hurts and it sucks - no getting around that part.

The hurt lessens and lessens.
Sometimes, the chance to say good-bye comes later.
18 months after AH disappeared, he wrote to me ("blahblahblahblah").
I had the chance to write and tell him - - alot of things - - but mostly, I had the chance to say good-bye.
I couldn't have done that, couldn't have said the words when it all first happened a year and a half ago.
I needed the time and yes, the pain - to realize what it is that *I* want/need.

Yeah, it's a process. Hold on and hang in there!
Blue

BigSis

Good advice before me - I especially like the writing a letter. Writing (longhand) seems to help me process feelings better even than talking with someone.

Interesting - your post reminds me of my kids talking about "using dreams" and the posts up in the Substance abuse and Alcoholism forums... your dream sounded like a form of a "using dream"... when we dream about our addiction.

I am more like the alcoholics and addicts in my life than I realize, sometimes.

sarahlynnl

Me too!

BlueMoon

YES!
As both an Al-anon and an AA - YES!
Mine feel like the same thing - whether it's about a person or alcohol or a drug -
The dream only remembers the GOOD STUFF -

cwohio

((cloudy)) - must be the "ohio blues week" huh? i feel like i know where you are coming from - never getting to say goodbye. maybe some of us need to heal a bit before we CAN say goodbye. i know i plan on writing a letter to my husband and either releasing it, burning it - whatever. but i want to be able to say goodbye in a loving, healing for myself sort of way if that makes sense.

i'm getting closer to feeling like i could do that now.