Painful evening
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 11
Painful evening
I need to share....last night was awful, by the time I feel asleep I felt totally cried out, but how many times before have I felt that I didn't have a tear left to shed. I appraoached my A, about our older son and I going to Alanon/Alateen on the same night/time. Just wanted to share it with him. And I did bring up my concern of him not going to meetings. But I told him that I was going to my meetings, therapy and continue my online to help me with my sanity. That was no longer going to take his inventory and make him/tell him he had to go to meetings. We are working a 12 step couples program together, and told him that I felt we needed to open up the book (similar to the big book from AA) other than the night we are at our meeting. I myself so want to get a sponsor couple to guide us. This past Tuesday we didn't share (usually we do) but I always feel I leave with so much. I am totally dedicated to this fellowship, but I believe we need to work the steps/program. Big mistake to try to share with him, it all blow up in my face, by the end of the conversation, he told me we had nothing in common and that he wasn't going to change, or live his life fearing that he did something wrong. I had to leave the room and went outside for a very long cry. When I returned (I need a cigarette), he was on the phone with his cousin (that hurts me so much, that when we are alone, we really have nothing to say too each other, but he can pick up the phone and talk for hours to his cousin). At one of our step meetings we were asked if we knew what each others goals/dreams/aspirations were and it is so sad to see that after being together 14 years we don't.
After about an hour, I approached him (again) and told him that his words really hurt me, I talked and talked and told him about my rage. My own addiction to love. I don't know he seems like whatever. I did ask him why he had moved in and if it was because of our sons, he said no, because of you. But this is the same person that early in the evening had told me that maybe it was a mistake for him to have moved in so soon. I told him how I felt about that little hurtful comment. I told him that I believed that we would not be together now, because if he would have stayed in our old place (where he moved in the girlfriend) and mine at mine, he would still continue using and playing all those women. I would have not stood for it, I never asked him to move in with me, he wanted me to move back in and I told him no (how can I sleep in the same house that he had that girl in, sleep in their bed, no that is not me). He was the one that told me he wanted to move in and now it comes back to me, like I did something wrong, at lease it feels that way, that pain again, of ugly words. I also told him that it was I that looked for him because he told me that he would never had looked for me again (another blow). I am so lost and confused.
Thanks for letting me share and I apologize for the very long share.
Selena
After about an hour, I approached him (again) and told him that his words really hurt me, I talked and talked and told him about my rage. My own addiction to love. I don't know he seems like whatever. I did ask him why he had moved in and if it was because of our sons, he said no, because of you. But this is the same person that early in the evening had told me that maybe it was a mistake for him to have moved in so soon. I told him how I felt about that little hurtful comment. I told him that I believed that we would not be together now, because if he would have stayed in our old place (where he moved in the girlfriend) and mine at mine, he would still continue using and playing all those women. I would have not stood for it, I never asked him to move in with me, he wanted me to move back in and I told him no (how can I sleep in the same house that he had that girl in, sleep in their bed, no that is not me). He was the one that told me he wanted to move in and now it comes back to me, like I did something wrong, at lease it feels that way, that pain again, of ugly words. I also told him that it was I that looked for him because he told me that he would never had looked for me again (another blow). I am so lost and confused.
Thanks for letting me share and I apologize for the very long share.
Selena
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi ((((((( Selena )))))))).
If your husband doesn't want to work the couples program, you can't make him. And you're right, you're not getting all the benefit you could if you worked the steps. Have you thought about finding a program just for you, like alanon or naranon? You can be getting better even if he is determined to cling to his rut. You are worth it.
Hugs,
Smoke
If your husband doesn't want to work the couples program, you can't make him. And you're right, you're not getting all the benefit you could if you worked the steps. Have you thought about finding a program just for you, like alanon or naranon? You can be getting better even if he is determined to cling to his rut. You are worth it.
Hugs,
Smoke
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