My AH says he's going to kill himself.
 

What is the proper response for this?

I spoke to mental health yesterday and they said that he should have an assessment but that it was probably just a threat based on what I had told the counselor. When I spoke with AH about this, he assured me that he did not need assessment, that he had people to call and places to go if he needed help.

We are separated but live in the same house for the time being. I am torn between what is "real" and what is "talk". Is it more of the martyr/victim/perp cycle or is it something that I should be paying attention to?

I am so detached from this~ can anyone offer a glimpse into this so I have a bearing to know which way to turn?

I realize it's a personal decision.......yadda, yadda............just need some good reality........

What can you do? If it were me, I'd do nothing.

My ex threatened suicide several times. I knew it was only a warped attempt to get my attention, and scream out for help. This was apparent in the fact she made close family members aware of her plans as well. But one time she fired a gun in the house and that got my attention big time. After getting rid of the guns, I was flooded with the shoulda, coulda, wouldas AFTER the fact. I should have called 911 and she would have been detained and evaluated. It's hard to think clearly when you're chained to a front row seat of all the drama and mayhem. Getting opinions here is a great idea to help you evaluate different options you might have.
I called the hospital mental health information line and got advice and emergency phone numbers for during and out of normal hours. The lesson I learned was to never take these threats lightly and be ready w/ phone numbers to call if it ever happened again. And if it did, I WOULD MAKE the call and not flounder over the mind spin you go through as the SO of a mentally unstable person, (like I did during the gun incident).

I am not sure what to tell you. I know how hard it must be for you. My AH has threatned to kill himself many, many times but only once did he actually slice his wrists and that was on his arms not wrists and I was there. So with him it ws only threats to try to control me or get me to come back home.

But my mother-in-law said she was going to and actually tried three times before she suceeded. In my experience only, take it for what it is worth, if they really want to do it they will.

Sorry I couldn't be more help. I just wanted somebody to respond to you while you wait for the more experienced cases.

There's a response I heard discussed re working with teenagers and I think it was excellent! This is how I remember it.

"If you really feel suicidal you need proffessional help and there's no way I can offer you that. If I begin to try the chances of me getting it wrong are too high - it's out of my depth. If you tell me now that you're going to do it I will have to contact (insert appropriate emergancy service) but that is the best I can do. You matter a great deal and no-one wants to lose you but (in the Uk) the Samaritans are better qualified than me to help, their number is (insert US suicide line number)."

Obviously with children it's a case of then declaring child protection means you can't keep confidence of the conversation. However if it was an adult friend I would also add that I would not keep confidence (keep secret) suicide threats if I felt it put their life at risk to do so.

The rest like above, a broken record because I KNOW I am NOT qualified to give the best help and won't replace it with what could be disasterous second best.

Hope that helps a little. My Mum used to threaten to be having a heart attack when disagreed with. In the end I got wise to it and would ask if she would like an ambulance, when she refused I would say it was her responsibility but if she actually passed out I'd call one anyway. It's one reason I won't deal with suicide stuff myself except for the above - I've got personal issues about the 'threat' of someone saying they will die and I think those issues make me really BAD at being understanding - it doesn't mean I don't care though, just that I won't take it on at any price.

Cant tell you what to do, but sounds like hes playing the marter.
Tell him to go talk to a professional. Its not fair that hes putting this on you, infact its down right selfish.Youve done all you can do. Dont feel guilty for anything!
Keep your chin up. Jennifer

I would call someone if this is something new for him. Of course, if the threats continue I would start (pay attention to situations/his actions when they occur) to ignore them. First husband used threats as a big manipulation tool. But take all I say with a grain of salt. When it comes to suicide threats/attempts I'm very jaded. BTDT way too many times and gotten my share of butt kicks in the process.

Every situation is obviously different, but the last time I caught AH drinking before I asked him for a divorce and asked him to leave, he told me he was drinking because he felt suicidal. In my experience, AH felt like drama=drinking and the more dramatic his excuse was, the more excusable his "relapses" were. I think you did the right thing talking to a mental health professional, there is not a lot you can do other than that.

See if this helps...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dal-44510.html

Scary situation....Hugs

My bestest buddy in the world,back in the 60,s,told me,that if ever he was put into jail,that he would kill himself.This comming from a man who was so happy,with life.He seemed to have the world by the ass,if ya know what i mean.Found it strange that he would even mention such a thing....I had this information about him,but just laughed it off.
He was put in jail,for drunk driving.I knew he would have a few drinks,but didnt know what a problem that it was for him,back then.
He did exactly as he said he would do.I felt,really guilty,that i had this information about him,and never shared it with anyone.I never believed that he was serious,never.Through recovery programs,i came through this guilt..and all my feelings.
Today for me,even if a person mentions it,they know right away that i will make that call,to the police,.Its believed that when folks mention this,that they are looking for attention.That belief has changed,today.Too many like my buddy,said they would,do this,and did.
My prayers are with both you and him.
In prayers you will know..
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!

No, No, No!, I like the squad idea in the committing suicide thread.

This is very serious stuff!

Thanks all. I have the number for mental health in my planner. I did say to him that what he said was "of concern" and if he felt that he needed a mental health assessment that I would take him. He said no.

I look at this as an attempt to drag me back into the addictive cycle - one that I refuse to go back into.

Today he is out doing his own thing so all's quiet on the homefront.

Thanks.

I think I have posted this before but, there was a girl that had known and was friends with everyone in my family. She would call different people and threaten to commit suicide they would come rushing over and stop her and send her to the hospital..she did this hundreds of times to her family and close friends including her kids...She did finally manage to do it she called someone who was not home and left a mesage that she was going to kill herself the friend came in and heard the message and rushed over but, she had already succeded. My siblings were closer to her than I was and they were all very upset as I am sure was her family and her other friends. She was a coke addict. I do not know what caused her to keep trying she was very well loved by many people but she just couldn't hang on for some reason. It was nobody's fault. The person that she called was her best friend for many years and I am sure to this day she feels regret and remorse as do the rest of the people who loved her.

I don't know what the answer is but, I am pretty sure that many people who commit suicide have tried more than once and also make threats to do it as well. It is very sad...

I weigh the consequences....

If bluffing, I will look a fool.
If true, I will feel grief and remorse forever.

I don't see how anyone could not call 911 - every time. I can live with looking like a fool.

A doctor told me once about a hypocondriac relative - even hypocondriacs get sick occassionally.

I don't see how anyone could not call 911 - every time. I can live with looking like a fool.

I can, especially when you have called 911 and the responding police officer tells you that your husband just wants to be alone in that motel room and if you don't leave him alone you'll be arrested. Then your husband goes on to finish the deed (note the word "finish" as he had already started BEFORE the police came).

Yes, an extreme case but with all the privacy laws out there when you are dealing with another adult it can be very difficult. Not all suicidal people are acting like lunatics. As a matter of fact during that experience my husband was as calm as could be and I was closer to being the lunatic. Again, take what I say with a grain of salt as when it comes to suicide I am very jaded.

I think that's it. I am sick of appearing as the fool. You just get tired of looking like a dumb@ss.

I think it's the story of the boy who cried wolf - one too many times.

He's fine today. Makes no sense to me.