www.nonalcoholic.org
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
www.nonalcoholic.org
The seriousness of enabling someone in active addiction has been ignored by me. I have spent 2 1/2 years empowering an alcoholic to kill themselves, hurt others, and continue unnacceptable behavior. I was making it easy for him to get worse.
I continued this behavior, because it was EASIER FOR ME than to stand up and say, NO I WILL NOT DO THIS ANYMORE.
I found this online that I think is just awesome. Take a look!
I continued this behavior, because it was EASIER FOR ME than to stand up and say, NO I WILL NOT DO THIS ANYMORE.
I found this online that I think is just awesome. Take a look!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Broken Arrow, OK
Posts: 42
I too found myself just going along with the flow to keep the peace. I have started to fight back so to speak and it has caused great tension in my house. I never go to the liquor store to buy his Jack any longer and I will not help him to bed when he can't walk. I don't pick up the shot glasses that pile up in his home office and I leave the beer bottle right where he left them. I don't pick up his many pills from the pharmacy either. I have taken my name off his car and his name off the house so if he gets in an accident it is all on him. ( I checked with an attorney in my state to find out if this would stand up in court, every state is different)
He is so angry at me he can hardly look at me sometimes which is just fine, and oh my the fit he throws when he finds out that I am busy going to al-anon meetings makes me laugh. But let me tell you the first few weeks were a living hell, now I just walk away when he gets mad.
Stay strong for your own piece of mind and listen to the friends you have here on this forum we will pull you through.............
He is so angry at me he can hardly look at me sometimes which is just fine, and oh my the fit he throws when he finds out that I am busy going to al-anon meetings makes me laugh. But let me tell you the first few weeks were a living hell, now I just walk away when he gets mad.
Stay strong for your own piece of mind and listen to the friends you have here on this forum we will pull you through.............
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 338
Ok I just stopped there, I have been there, to download their E-book over the summer. I thought it was a very good book. The only thing I did not like about it was what I felt to be unnecessary and negative comments about Alanon. However, "take what you like and leave the rest" worked just fine for me, and I feel their E-book did me some good :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I think that there is some very useful information on the site. We all come from different beliefs and backgrounds. I can see where the site could be more beneficial to someone in comparison to Alanon. Again, it depends on the person.
Interesting site though - thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Interesting site though - thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: uk
Posts: 11
Thank you for this link.. very interesting.
Some of the ebook certainly rings bells with me.. and i like the straight forward approach it advocates.. and the powerful and simple messsage "you either accept the alcoholic for who they are, or you leave the relationship"
This really spoke to me....
I also really interested in the section on ending relationships.. I'm just in that process, and realise that I need to take some further steps. I'm in danger of succombing to ex AH's "niceness and consideration" at the moment - he wants to "remain friends" etc etc. I was just about to give him my new mobile number, but having read this, I won't! Small steps and all that
Some of the ebook certainly rings bells with me.. and i like the straight forward approach it advocates.. and the powerful and simple messsage "you either accept the alcoholic for who they are, or you leave the relationship"
This really spoke to me....
You either accept
their drinking, lying, fooling around, irresponsibility, abusiveness, and multitude of other unacceptable behaviors or
you leave the relationship. In any relationship, you either accept the person for who they are, or you are not in a relationship
with them. If you accept who a person is, then you do not complain about their behavior. So, you only have
one question to answer and one decision to make: Is who you are compatible with who they are?
It is that simple. To think otherwise is to remain in denial. You cannot control another person. You cannot change
another person. Period. Stop trying. You are NOT responsible for the alcoholic’s recovery in any way, shape, or form.
You are only responsible for YOUR recovery. Be about it.
You can either take care of the problem now, or suffer longer and STILL take care of the problem later. Either way,
you WILL take care of it eventually, or die from the pain. Your choice.
their drinking, lying, fooling around, irresponsibility, abusiveness, and multitude of other unacceptable behaviors or
you leave the relationship. In any relationship, you either accept the person for who they are, or you are not in a relationship
with them. If you accept who a person is, then you do not complain about their behavior. So, you only have
one question to answer and one decision to make: Is who you are compatible with who they are?
It is that simple. To think otherwise is to remain in denial. You cannot control another person. You cannot change
another person. Period. Stop trying. You are NOT responsible for the alcoholic’s recovery in any way, shape, or form.
You are only responsible for YOUR recovery. Be about it.
You can either take care of the problem now, or suffer longer and STILL take care of the problem later. Either way,
you WILL take care of it eventually, or die from the pain. Your choice.
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