TomsGirl

Ok, I admit, I have yet to be with a an A that is really and truly trying to stop. But for those of you that are with one, the lying does stop once the drinking stops right? Or would you call a recoverying alcoholic just that, (a RA), rather than an alcoholic. I'm sorry, I'm confused! Yikes!

guyinNC

Thanks Aspouse. But why do alcoholics lie about things other than their drinking. Why do they lie when there is no need to lie. Does alcohol effect some part of the brain that deals with the truth?

minnie

Because they DO have a reason to lie and I believe it comes from the same place as the alcoholism. Low self-esteem.

There was a great thread about this a few months back - can anyone else remember as I only have a minute on here now?

EndOfRoadWife

I went to a counselor and he said to me "How do you tell when an alcoholic is lying?".. Then he said "When they move their lips".....Hope your kids are doing ok through all this...Hang in there!!!!

ASpouse

I wish I had the answers, I don't. Hopefully someone can link the thread that Minnie is referring to.

Guy, maybe your wife is lying about her drinking also. I've never known an alcoholic to be truthful about anything.

But the bottom line is, it's really not for us to figure out or worry about. What we need to do is make rhyme and reason of our own selves, not the alcoholic in our lives.

TomsGirl, my husband lied, stole from, cheated, stole from, lied some more when he was drinking. Once he started recovering and got to that step in his program, he became quite honest and truthful. He is living a clean life and dealing with life on lifes terms, not running away from it and trying to stay one step ahead of everything. He lives in the now for the most part, plans for his future (our future) and lives for today. Each day is easier for him. He is more thoughtful than I've ever known him to be and he does not avoid confrontations, like he used to.

There are many days he struggles, but on those days he doesn't let it get the best of him, tomorrow is another day. It's a finely choreographed balancing act. I know he struggles, but it is his struggle and I allow him to deal with it in his own way, as long as he doesn't use alcohol, which he doesn't anymore, I'm OK with letting him do it his way.

minnie

I'm not!!!! I'm not!!!!!! I am always truthful about my drinking.

ASpouse

I am such an idiot! Honest, Minnie does not lie about her drinking and Minnie, my friend, that deserved a spew alert! I just spit all over myself ........

minnie

Found it!! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...h-d-74480.html

(hope you've cleaned up, J. I just couldn't resist.)

ASpouse

I wouldn't be able to resist that either! Thanks for a much needed laugh break!

PaperDolls

My alcoholic mother was always the most honest person I know. She has been sober now for almost 4 years. She did lie all the time when she was drinking. But she is very honest now. I just spoke with her yesterday and we talked about all kinds of things including her pattern of drinking while she was trying to get sober.

So -- while she lied while she was sick (drinking) I still say she is the most honest person I know. It took her some hard work.

guyinNC

I have to admit I'm sad today. More so than last night. The news of her continued affair was no great surprise. But to lie about loving me knocked the wind out of me.

She supposedly had her surgery today, I assume she is back at her hotel room by now. I can't help but wonder what is going on in her head. To lose everything, crap all over the ones who really loved you, sit in hotel room alone longing for a man she hardly knows, who drinks, is married, no job and has more health problems than an eighty year old man.

Go figure!

ASpouse

Maybe he has no expectations of her and loves her, booze and all. It's not worth wondering about and if she ever gets sober, she won't have the answer either.

TomsGirl

sit in hotel room alone longing for a man she hardly knows, who drinks

There's the key Guy, he drinks too. Therefore she thinks she's "in love" with him but really it's just that they share the love of something in common ... booze. Plus, don't forget, many times misery loves company.

guyinNC

I like this one from the lie thread..... Thats true for me too.

Does he love her?? Very doubtful. He drinks all the time, has been married twice before, cheated on his wife.....wrote my wife bad checks, gave her fake diamonds, wouldn't even come get her after her car wreck. I could go on!

She is just a pieace of ass to him. He spend her money until it is gone, then as soon as he meets another, he kick her out. I know...my projection!!!

Hell....maybe it is true love. The love of one drunk for another!!!!!!!

EndOfRoadWife

The guy is married, so what does she really have? Doesn't sound like she has a "prize" to me...She has someone emotionally unavailable and who cheats on his wife, has a drinking problem .....Be glad you are the person you are!!! You have much more to offer

ASpouse

Reading splendra's quote, doesn't it just seem insane to you?

Believe me, I am very tenacious when I feel someone is lying to me. I will go out and try to find proof, even the slightest proof so I can shove it back in their face and prove to them they are nothing but a big fat liar! However, by the time I have my proof they don't even remember what the hell I am talking about!

Happily, I have curbed this nasty habit also.

guyinNC

Yep....he is married. His poor wife went over the edge again and is off for a 30 day rehab visit. She plans to divorce him. She supposedly has all the money.....some sort of trust fund.

My wife will move right in with him while she gone. Sick isn't it. To move into a ladies home while she is off for treatment, knowing you in part helped to push her over the edge. Can you imagine!!!

This is the type of person my wife has become.....from a program director of our church, PTA leader, good mom and wife....to bar *****, jumping around bars, DWI's, sleeping with married men.

I honestly no longer know who she is.

EndOfRoadWife

Yeah, it is sick...It reminds me of my great-grandmother who I never knew who committed suicide when my grandmother was 16 because her husband was having an affair..She hung herself and he went on to marry his mistress..So a lot of good that did? They must not have felt to guilty about it..Just try and take care of you and the kids...It will all catch up to her...It always does...

ASpouse

Your wife is also NOT responsible for pushing this other woman over the edge. It sounds as if the other woman managed to do that all on her own.

Just like you are not responsible for your wifes behavior, she is also not responsible for someone elses.

Guy, don't you see yet the insanity of alcoholism and it's far reaching tentacles?

Just because your wife was involved in church, PTA etc does not make her in any way shape or form immune from alcoholism ...... sheesh! No one is immune from the disease of alcoholism.

Many addicts/alcoholics were at one time very prestigious folks, with great jobs, lots of money, great families etc. They lost it all due to alcoholism, this is a common theme.

The first person that comes to mind is Don Imus (not because I like him, but I do listen to his radio show every day and support the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer) ...... he was a raging alcoholic/cocaine addict 20 years ago and to this day he still refers to himself as an alcoholic and I believe he still attends AA meetings occasionally.

There is no "type" of person who succumbs to this disease ...... we are all susceptible.

guyinNC

No, this poor woman was perhaps unstable and my wife did not pour alcohol down her throat. But she screwed her husband and helped wreck her marriage. Some people can't take all the pressure.

No, I find my wife guilty as charged. Home wrecker, unfaithful, lier. She I am sure does not feel guilt. She will have to face her sins one day...we all will.