brdlvr2

Well, I guess I learned my lesson Again! I met my xbf for lunch on Thursday. It went well. Then against my better judgement, I went to dinner with him last night. I admit, my feelings just weren't there anymore. Of course, he wanted to right away go back with me. Said the same old stuff that this time he's serious, that he's going to finish the whole rehab at Salvation Army this time. etc. Well, of course, I knew better, I told him that due to his past, I don't know if I'd ever go back and for sure not any time soon.

Well, today he drank and for the second and most likely last time, he got kicked out of the program. I met him to hang out today. He was acting very, very emotional. Almost like a breakdown. I never thought he was drinking. Surely he wouldn't be that stupid. He knows this was his last shot, that he was lucky they took him back in the program again, that if he messed up, he's homeless, nobody will take him in anymore. Finally, he admitted he drank: That damn vodka again. So he asked me to call his counsler, they talk, he admits he's feeling suicidle. He tells him he drank. I think they thought maybe he had a couple of beers, but when they saw him. I guess that was enough. He's been in there 30 days and just got off restriction this past week. He messed up already.

Of course, I'm sure it's my fault as I made him depressed as I didn't want him back, that I don't understand what he's going thorough.

I feel guilty that maybe I should have taken him to the hospital ( he asked at first to go there - then his mom convinced him to go back to the center) instead of back to the rehab. Maybe the hospital could have sobered him up, then he could have gone back and they wouldn't know he's been drinking. I'm upset that once again, I got drawn back into his problems, his drama, the blame for him drinking and now back on the streets. You all told me last week, it would not be just lunch and I was making a mistake. Well you All were right. It was a big mistake, a lesson learned. My progress that I made, down the tube in one day. All day was drama with him, all day ruined due to his choice to drink and make me involved in his addiction. I'm sure he will find a place to stay, he's street smarts, been there before. In fact, he's been calling all night. He always finds some low-life type to stay with if it comes to it. This sucks...

TomsGirl

(((brdlvr2))) No "I told ya so's" from me ... just hugs. But ya know, the "suckitude" will stop ... when you stop it. Be kind to yourself, you'll get back to where you were.

FormerDoormat

You're not responsible for your boyfriend's drinking or his behavior, not now or ever.

Your boyfriend didn't "make you involved in his addiction," you chose to do so. He can't control your actions any more than you can control his.

Having "just lunch" with your boyfriend and then "just dinner" with him afterwards, and "just hanging out with him" today indicates that you're not ready to change your behavior yet. It's is a form of denial. It's no different than an active alcoholic saying to him/herself: "I'll just have one drink and then I'll stop." Can't be done with an active alcoholic. Can't be done with an active co-dependent.

Pick-a-name

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you tie him to a chair and pour Vodka down his throat thru a funnel??????
I didn't think so!

He chose to drink because he is an addict.
He is a grown man; you did not MAKE him drink.....if you could do that; you could have made him NOT drink; you can't....only he can decide to do that.

((brdlvr2)) I am sorry. I know this must be hard for you, but you did not cause it. Please believe that.

ICU

It wasn't a big mistake; not if you learned a lesson. Maybe it was a step you had to take to get to the next level of understanding. Besides, progress isn't always straight forward, but rather one step forward, two steps back. Not being comfortable with the outcome of your decision to see him is your clue, your sign. Hopefully these feelings that you have now will help you to make a healthier decision for yourself the next time you are tempted to see him.

brdlvr2

Thanks guys. Deep down I know it's not my fault he drank. You are right, that's what alcoholics do - that and blame or make guilty. And yes, it was my choice to meet him. Funny, that I had a gut feeling that morning that it's not a good idea to see him, that the day would turn out bad. That I never should have seen him for lunch last week. Need to listen to that voice more. I think it's my HP talking to me and I keep stepping in the way, trying to do what may not be the right thing. I just can't believe that this addiction is so strong, that he blew yet another great chance to turn his life around. Then again, sometimes I wonder if maybe he just doesn't want it like he told me. That he wants to drink - no matter how bad his life is.

TexasGirl

I am continually surprised at just how important drinking is to mine. He said to me recently that he's never going to stop drinking. Despite that it's slowly killing him and quickly killing us! As for your "relapse," I think it's OK that you did that. Unless you had felt the pain from joining his roller coaster momentarily again, you might have wondered "what if..." the rest of your life. What if I'd gone to lunch with him? Would he have been better? Would everything have worked out. You got your answer. Nothing had changed. Sounds like great motivation for your future.

brdlvr2

TG - Yes, I think I needed to see it once again, that nothing has changed with him. To beat it in my head that he still wants to drink or escape through drink. But what I still feel "guilty" about is that while it was his choice to drink and he told me call his counselor at the center, and he admitted on the phone to the counselor that he drank, that maybe I should have just taken him to the hospital like he originally asked so he could have sobered up before going back to the center and not have gotten kicked out. Still, he knew he had to go back to the center that night and they always breathalyse you. Man, I hate this – he messes up and I’m finding ways to make it my fault for him facing the consequences of his actions.

Cynay

Yea your right....

You should have taken him to the hospital so they could sober him up, then spent the day in health food stores to find a flush for his system so he could pass the test to get back into the center.... then he could take up valuable space from someone that does not have anyone to cover up for his mistakes and probably really does not need rehab anyway.

Then next week when he got out you would already have the stuff he needed to get back into rehab??? Cuz you know he is going to call you, your the only one that he can depend on... Of course he loves you.

Seems silly when someone else puts it down on paper.... but I KNOW how hard it is when we are spining about it all... I would just get into my crazy thinking being around him.... had to be no contact for me.

Dont be so hard on yourself, it happens to the best of us.