Kitchu

Well First thanks to Danny for giving sadface this link, http://www.umass.edu/fsap/articles/alcohol.html

It sure does outline what an A goes through. It really made me cry to read symptoms like Avoid family and friends, unable to initiate action, moral deteriation, and geographical escapes, just to name a few. Then I really started to cry when I read the steps the A goes through on the way to recovery because I might not be around for that.

It really hurts because deep down i know the right thing to do is to ask him to leave. But how do you do that without enableing him or hurting him??
It is so hard now to bring up his drinking problem. He does not want to hear anything of it! This really hit home. I am such an idiot.

The first two years we were together we had a great time. Cooking for our friends, trying diiferent wines. Going out with friends. Then the next 2 years I realized he is a heavy drinker and can sometimes be embarasing. I guess the last 3 years I thought I could change him. He is in graduate school and graduates in a few months. I thougth that would make him stop drinking or atleast cut down. Boy have I learned alot from this web site.

Anyway he has taken off again. And will I get the courage to confront him and let him know what I want when he comes back? I am not ready for the rocking chair. i am still young and need a man with all their faculties in order. How do I tell him??
Kitchu

denny57

((Kitchu)) I'm sad that you are sad. It is hard to read the chart. But it also helped me understand so much. My AH of 15 years (who I asked to move out in November) is at the very bottom and it makes me cry, too. I, too, go through sadness when I think I will probably not be around for his climb back up. But I do hope that climb comes for him whether we are together or not. You will know when the time is right to do whatever you have to do.

Good luck.

TRISH1011

You need to be honest, even though it may hurt his feelings. He has stated he does not need help but he does need a wake-up call if he wants to keep you in his life. I am an alcoholic - my partner gave me threats etc. It wasn't until he was intent on carrying them out that I stood up and took notice. I am on day three after lapsing. However this was after a record breaking 32 days of sobriety. He can see that I am seriously trying. Also, I've had to go through the repurcussions of my lapse. I now have to move back home until I can prove I can go without it. This may take up to three months. But I will do it. Because I want 'us' and I want him to want it too.

mallowcup

You aren't an idiot. Never feel bad for having faith in someone and believing the best about them. As the evidence mounted you couldn't deny seeing the grip alcohol has on him. You feel locked in because you know this topic isn't up for discussion. He's made sure you will feel nauseated to even bring it up. That's just manipulation. I would keep the conversation simple.There's no sense in having a conversation where he talks you into believing you are unreasonable. Why not get some professional advice on the best way to handle this? I hear your pain. I also sense that you want him to take you seriously and you don't really want him to move,you want him to love you and change. The thing is you are right, you are too young with too much to look forward to to sit alone.

Kitchu

You all make so much sense. It hurts to read it but I know it is good advice!
Thanks for listening.
Kitchu