sadface

First of all, can someone please post the links about the stages of an alcoholic. This was posted several days ago and I cannot find it.
Second question is my husband invited me out to lunch where we talked a little bit. He stated when we are okay financially he wants to take sometime out for himself (separated-1 yr). What he means is go to a place for 2 or 3 weeks to help him understand himself. He was told they talk and meditate. He stated he misses us and there are times he wants to come home but he feels he is not ready. I mostly watched him. I did ask a few questions; like what exactly is he waiting for? What is it going to take? (when he feels he is coming home for good) How long has been since his last drink? (1 month-off and on before that). Is this a cult?(No) Anyway, I guess my question is this part of recovery? Is this for real? To me it appears he is living the life he wants and I don't know why he needs it.There is rehab (he was in 1 week) and AA meetings. I am living on my own with my son. He helps me with some money but rarely comes over, but calls me daily. I don't understand what he is looking for. Has anybody gone through something like this?

Zoey

sadface.. So sorry none of us had answers or suggestions. Can't believe you didn't at least get some HUGS of understanding. We goof sometimes.

We cannot ever know what they are thinking or what they want or need, I firmly believe they do not know what they need or want. Some days I have no idea what I need or want, if I added the alcohol I'd probably have wonderful or wild ideas that would be forgotten tomarrow.
Everything just takes time, and how I hate that, I want answers yesterday already for them or from them . Maybe try not to think about him, probably he will do whatever he wants to do which may be to hang on to drinking.
Doubt this makes sense, but wanted to send you an understanding big HUG

cwohio

sadface - sounds like he's grasping at straws to me, but what do i know. we can't "know" what's best for another person (even tho i am trying to learn that one myself). we can only do what's best for us. i've not been through anything like you posted about, but wanted to send a hug your way and let you know we care! focus on you and your son. what about al-anon for you - have you tried that?

doubletime

Hello, sadface ((Hugs)) From what I read from your post "He is already taking some time for himself" since you have been seperated for one year already! Sorry, I am in a similar situation, I am also living on my own with my son (told him to move out early Dec. because he would not get help, even offered to go to the doctor and AA meetings with him at first). Mine calls me almost daily sometimes several times a day and also when he is "plastered". Still in the stage where everything is my fault, but in his eyes it always will be my fault. They can be so selfish but we have to learn to be "self"ish ourselves and take care of ourselves (this site has helped so much). I believe they do not know what they are looking for. When my AH calls he constantly puts himself down, starts throwing things in my face or every once in awhile is nice (Dr. Jeckyl and Hyde syndrome). I plan on divorcing my AH very soon once I am financially able to. Each one of us has to do what we feel we need to.

I remember reading the post that you are talking about but do not remember where it is at will try and find it. Hugs and remember pamper and take care of yourself.


Doubletime

minnie

(((sadface)))

I found an interesting link the other day and I don't know whether it'll help http://www.treatment.org/Taps/Tap11/tap11toc.html Was the info you were looking for by Jellenik? I can't remember where it was either.

As for the other stuff, it sounds like hubby is searching for something, but doesn't know what. Sounds very familiar to me! I seem to have been doing that all my life. The fact that he is at least searching somewhere other than the bottom of a bottle would be some comfort, but not much when you are holding the fort back home. Are you going to wait until he's found what he's looking for? You could do some searching of your own whilst he's gone. Al-anon is a good place to start or maybe some counselling.

denny57

here is one i like: http://www.umass.edu/fsap/articles/alcohol.html

good luck

Pick-a-name

Hi; Here is the link I posted the other day to the Jellinek info.; is that what you were looking for?
(The Jellinek Chart Shows The Progression of the Disease of Alcoholism)
www.songdov.com/jellinek.htm

sadface

One of the links looks like the one I glanced at before. The other two didn't but seemed interesting so thanks for the links and hugs. I created a folder and from now on I will save the ones I find interesting to read when I have time. You guys are great. I agree my husband seems to be lost and doesn't know what he wants. Today, he came over and stated he is going to help me fix our house up so I can rent it. My idea was to rent it so that I can be independent from him. He encouraged me to consider refinancing it whenever possible.He came over with plans (some good ideas), cost estimates, and stated he has every intent to help me. Also that he has goals. You are right I am glad it isn't a bottle. As far as I know he has been clean from meth for 1 year now and struggling to quit alcohol (1 month now). I just listen and observe him wondering what he is searching for. I do ask questions to clarify things for me and him. He has passed the blaming stage. When he calls me, it is more of a check-in call. To see how I am, is every one okay, and what he is working on, etc... I guess I will have to wait and see what happens (actions verses words).