MissFaye

Last week I went to my first AA open meeting...(even tho I am Alanon)and last night I went to my first Alanon meeting. I felt more comfortable at the AA meeting than I did at the Alanon meeting. I guess becuse it took me inside the minds of the alcoholic and the struggles and courage it takes for them just to make it to their meetings every week. Personally I felt like I learned more from that - than the alanon. I think I'm going to look for a different alanon meeting, I wasn't comfortable at all. Am I an oddball?

prodigal

No, I doubt you're an "oddball." There are some Al-Anon meetings that feel right for a particular individual and some that don't. I attend both A.A. and Al-Anon and have found the same to be true of both. Some A.A. meetings I thoroughly enjoy and others leave me cold. Same is true with Al-Anon.

It's good to go to A.A. to begin to understand the disease of alcoholism. However, it of equal importance that you understand your own "disease" so to speak. I've been married to two alcoholics, and I spent a HUGE amount of time whining and complaining about their insane, inconsistent, just plain crazy behaviors. Then I realized I was just as nuts as they were! That's when I reached out for Al-Anon.

It is difficult to live with an alcoholic, particularly since they love to suck you into all sorts of "drama." However, Al-Anon will give you the tools to stop reacting to their insanity, deal with your own issues, and detach effectively.

MissFaye

Makes sense, thanks.

nocellphone

Part of my problem is that I was constantly in the minds of the alcoholics. Trouble is, when I do that, I leave my own mind vacant and unattended. That's when all kinds of ugly stuff gets in...

Al-Anon suggested I do two things right from my first meeting:

1) Put the focus on myself.

2) Keep coming back.

After years of doing both (and following other equally-important suggestions), I've gotten a considerable amount of my sanity back.

As a result, my life is much, much better today.

ICU

AA was the very first meeting I ever went to, in support of someone else. Shortly after that I went to my first Al-Anon mtg. I too felt more comfortable at the AA meeting. I think I was still focusing on, and trying to understand, the alcoholic in my life. Putting the focus on me and working on myself was a concept that I had not yet begun to grasp. Eventually, that began to change as I learned to put the focus on me.

Cap3

I too felt more comfortable at AA meetings.Felt more free.Felt more fellowship..Didnt then know why that was.Everytime i went to Al-anon,i felt some sort of block...Dont get me wrong.I luv Al-anon,and do believe that this program has really helped me,to see my own part in all the stuff that was going on.Enhanced my recovery.But there was that "something" that was missing,and later found out what that "something" was.Through exposer to AA,i heard my story through another.This guy that was sharring in this AA meeting called himself a binge drinker,and also called himself alcoholic.I always had it in my mind,that to be alcoholic,depended on the amounts that one drank,only to find out that its not about amounts,but rather its about HOW alcohol affects one.The first time i said,hi alcoholic,then my name at a AA meeting,i finally felt the world come of my shoulders.The weight was finally lifted with the truth.
After that going to al-anon meetings i no longer felt that "something" was missing.
Thanks for letting me share,how it all worked out for me,
God Bless,and take care!!!

mallowcup

You get togethr to talkabout your own problem, at Al-anon people gather to talk about dealing with someone else problem. There is a sense of recovery in attending an AA meeting. There is a sense of betrayal in attending an Al-anon meeting.

FriendofBill

Im a big fan of attending AA meetings, (Though bigge fan of my attending al anon, my home).

In AA I get to hear real breathing people tell me what our al anon literature tells me.

That they couldnt stop themselves, that they were ashamed of what they did to others, that they want to stop, that it is a disease.

I read that and here it in al anon, but sometimes I need to have it confirmed from the mouths of AA's.

Im just dense that way.

Webbiecat

I, too, am more comfortable at an AA meeting. It gives me more insight as to what my AH is going through, and also lets me see that there are so many people out there with stories similar to his. That lets me deal with my own issues, because I can really see how he is dealing with his.

Pick-a-name

FoB: I feel the same way..... To hear an alcoholic living recovery and telling his/her lead is a powerful lesson to me about just how overwhelming and all-consuming alcohol can be/is to an active alcoholic......how very similar the bizarre,twisted "thinking" is and also "proof" that there is a solution that works (.."if you work it!").

I also hear how letting them suffer their own consequences,etc is the most helpful thing to do. I have heard over and over how the person was so angry at wife,etc and then hits a point and she does NOT help him AT ALL so he has no choice.........then he always says he is so glad that she did that; for him but mostly for HERSELF, that she should not have ever had to endure the effects of his behavior and that usually the only regrets they have is for the way they treated their family and other loved ones while active. The other distruction (to themselves) seems to be a gift that brought them out of that way of life into something much better that they could not have found without the bad.

Maybe it is just more interesting,too. Very "exciting" tales sometimes.

I have not found an Al-anon "fit",yet...also when I went to the last open AA meetings I probably still had an even stronger mindset of hope,etc for AH. I hven't been there for awhile; I want to keep the focus into not buying the QUACK. There are two AA meetings I have been to; one is very good and helps me because there is an attitude of humility and focus on service. I went to one with my sister when she first started her IOP program. Lots of "manditory attenders"...what a difference: "QUACK-FEST!"

I imagine that could be the case with the Alanon meetings. I have been to some that had nothing to do with recovery that I could see, some that were OK,but just a lot of reading and then a group of members came to a family session at this same IOP who seemed to be more what I was hoping for (all from different groups around the county). I just need to keep trying; and adjust MY mindset probably.

Yes; so far, I find the open AA meetings of more help.... (I do "worry" sometimes that it is MY disease talking; I back off if I feel that.)

minnie

Miss Faye - open AA meetings have been enormously useful in helping me see what "real" recovery is all about. My only exposure to them has been at conventions, or for 3 weeeks last summer when we have joint meetings when our room is unavailable. Of course, I do read the Alcoholism and AA boards here which gives me the same kind of insight. Any more involvement than that and I would have run the risk of trying to get too far inside the mind of the alcoholic, when it was my own mind that I needed to explore. Yes, check out some other al-anon meetings, or even go to the same group again as it can be very different from week to week.

Mallowcup - are you currently attending Al-anon meetings? Because that doesn't sound like the meetings I attend (and have attended in other parts of the country.)

nocellphone

For you, apparently. For me, there's nothing but recovery in Al-Anon.

I attend Al-Anon 'cos I have my own problems to deal with and recover from. I don't bring other people's issues to the rooms.

nocellphone

Having been to both fellowships (but only a member of one), here's what I feel about the subject:

In AA, I'm an observer (being that I'm not an alcoholic). I can sit back and watch it like a tv show or a movie. Of course I'm interested in the topic, but I'm not so personally invested.

In Al-Anon, I might get uncomfortable 'cos the issues coming up in there are MINE. I'm not there to research someone else's disease; I'm there to participate in my own recovery from my own disease!

I've learned to accept my discomfort as a part of my growth process. I'll risk the possibility of a little discomfort for the benefit of spiritual growth.

Great topic!