Laceejoe

I just wanted to take a few minutes this evening to thank each and every one of you lovely people who extended a part of your heart to me following my father's death before Christmas. I can never adequately tell you how much it meant to me to know that so many others were willing to share their own losses with me. I'm sure that it opened some old wounds---and I guess that is what makes this place so special!! You are all so willing to give of yourselves to help those of us in need---and that is WHY I have missed all of you so much these last weeks.

Just a brief update----My daughter, who is in recovery----was such a rock through the initial days following my dads death. She supported so many people in the family who were too weak to hold themselves up, and I am so very proud of her continuing work on her recovery. She is close to 70 days sober----and that is quite an accomplishment for her. She is, however, dual-diagnosed (bi-polar)----and recently went through a manic stage. She worked around the apartment almost non-stop----and rarely slept. Though I am happy that I have a much-cleaner place to live, I am deeply saddened that she has come crashing down pretty hard and is now emotionally and physically drained!! Having a background in psychology and having worked as a Social Worker for years, I knew it was bound to happen----but is hard to watch nonetheless. She is sound asleep on the couch as I write this, and couldn't even awaken to go to her nightly AA meeting this evening!!! This is a big worry to me, as I don't want to see her start slipping backwards. She has been doing so well, but my dad's death is affecting her differently than many others in the family. Has anyone gone through something like this and possibly have some pointers??

I have had little time to take care of my own needs since all this happened----and have been unable to attend any Alanon meetings since my dad died. Mom is very needy right now, and the rest of the family seem to have their heads buried in the sand. I guess if they don't see this woman's loneliness, they don't have to deal with it. I've been giving so much of myself to her---just to show her that I truly care what she's going through. She depended so much on Dad, and with her dementia----her sorrow is just hitting her doubly hard. Please pray for her and my family----and keep sending me some much-needed love and kind words. I've missed you all so much!!! Love, LACEEJOE

Morning Glory

LACEEJOE,

I'm so glad to see you. It was so hard to watch my mother grieve. She is somewhat better now after 5 years, but still always has that sad look on her face. She used to smile all the time. It just breaks my heart. The good thing though is that she has made many new friends who are also widowed and plays cards and keeps busy. She laughs again now too.

Maybe a grief support group would be helpful to your mother when she is up to it.

I'm so glad your daughter is doing well with her recovery. What a blessing that is. I have a client who began rapid cycling after his father passed away. Death always affects each of us differently.

I am the only single member of my family so when it comes time to caretake during the night I'm always the one elected. Your mother is going to have to go through this grief stage. I wish we could save them from it, but we can't and it's probably healthy that they are getting it out instead of pretending everything is fine.

Don't put the world on your shoulders. Take care of your own needs too. Schedule time to get away from it all. I actually used to go rent a motel room a couple of blocks away for a night and not give out my phone number. I just took the risk that the world could turn without me sometimes.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Hugs,
MG

Laceejoe

Thanks, MG---I can always depend on you to say just what needs to be said!! Gosh, the sounds of a motel room alone sounds so heavenly right about now!!! God bless you for caring.