Sunlight

i'v been dating this guy 11/2 years and i'v broken off with him several times;he works alot(has a good job that gives him alot of stress;i admired him for his hard work) ,selfish(he didn't get married till he was 32 for 5 years;so i excused him for this because he has only had himself to please),he drinks alot( i cut his hair for 17 years so i knew alot about him, we were friends,only at work nothing out side of our jobs we never hung out)and he wants us to do things with his friends instead of just me.(makes me feel bad if i want to be alone with him,like i'm keeping him from seeing them)i even drank some with him,i never drank much before only once in a while
i broke it off just before Christmas, i felt so bad i called him the day after.At first he wanted back and then he wasn't sure it was going to work.he thinks i'm too sinsitive and he doesn't want to have to always watch what he says or do..we were staying in touch thru emails.i went to his house to explain my email;he had just got there we talk for awhile ;he told me all the things i'v done wrong and everytime we talk he says you've broken up with me 15 times.he wanted me to sleep with him;i told him only if we were going to try again;i didn't want to feel used;so we talked about all the things we could do different;he told me how he's always been attracted to me;it was agreat night ,ifelt so relieved ;the next morning he was so cold to me, wouldn't even kiss me;said he just didn't know i'v done this to him 15 times;i felt so used and hurt the was the last thing i thought he would do to me.i left upset;that was Sat morning ;haven't heard from him since.i need to know what are signs of an A.he has proubly drank since 13 he's 40 now
Sunlight

minnie

Hi there, Sunlight. Sorry to see you haven't had any replies yet, but I want to welcome you to SR. This is a great place for information. Hope you've had a chance to have a look around at the different boards and posts, especially the "sticky" or "power" posts at the top of each board.

I don't like to be the one to determine someone as an alcoholic, but I can work out if their behaviour is something I want in my life. I can also look and see if the behaviour I am displaying in something I am comfortable with. I have read a lot of books, starting with Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and I have also had counselling. Al-anon meetings have been a great source of support and information too.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Sunlight

Thanks minnie,
i never thought that maybe i was codepenent; i guess i was so caught up in him i couldn't see it; i always thought this relationship was so hard; i think we both love each other very much;but we can't communicate; i have never been with anyone who drank before; this will be something i will watch for;i guess all the brake ups were my heart and my head not agreeing

sunshinebluesky

another thing i have learned..................a good loving relationship,feels GOOD.and not just in the beginning.
ive been given the old "you've broken up with me 10,15 whatever amount of time "routine.....and if that IS the case,theres got to be reasons for it.
doesnt even necessarily have to be about the alcohol itself...............think about yourself. what you want,what you need,and how you deserve to have it.