Kitchu

Ok I need to vent!!
Ok my Ab/f was gone again for 2 days. This time he did not go out of town but just left. Sometimes he tells me that he rides the train for hours to clear his head. I think he is also depressed big time besides drinking too much. Anyway he came home early early this morning covered in dirt from head to toe (this is not the first time). I am worried that he is sleaping in the dirt or passing out. I know he blacks out because when I ask him where he has been he tells me, "I don't know". arg!!
From reading all the threads and learning what the partners of Alcoholics go through and what the A's go through, I really have to make a decision here. Do I want to take a chance and mary this guy hoping he will get better. Or move out and start a new life with out him. Such a hard decision. I still love him, but I do not want to enable him either.
Thanks for listening
Any comments are welcomed
K

herewegoagain

Marrying someone NEVER makes things better. Ever. Alcoholism doesn't go away on its own, either.

minnie

Take a chance? Hmm, just remember not to gamble more than you can afford to lose. And in my (and other people's) experience with an alcoholic, that could very well be everything.

JessicaNAJ

Very well put!!! I wish I read this 16 years ago.

Beautiful

Action (his) before leap (yours).

What does an active alcoholic bring to the table that you find desirable?

preciouz

MArrying him doesn't make things better. There is no chance. You need to really think about this. DO you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? Do you want to basically revolve your life around him and his needs? Doesn't your future children... if you even have any with him deserve better? Don't YOU deserve better? Yes you love him, but you do want that type of love? Don't you want someone who loves themselves enough to not hurt themselves? If he can't take care or love himself enough.. what makes you think that he can give you what you truely want? Don't make the biggest mistake you possibly can make, because your not thinking about your best interests, but his.

Kitchu

Wow! Thanks to all of you. I needed to hear this and be reminded. I chixened out today after work. I had a "good by" speech planned, and I didn't do it. Maybe I needed to hear this first.
I know I need to take a chance and fix myself for a change.
Thanks again,
Kitchu

meli2005

This is your decision ultimately, but I would not marry him if he were in this condition. Is he showing any effort to get better? That matters a lot. If not, I would count my blessings we did not get married and move on. Alcoholism is progressive and can only get better if the person affected wants to get better.


It sucks. I know you love him, I know it breaks your heart to see him like this.

Has he ever been evaulated by a psychiatrist? The reason I ask is his behaviour is very unusual just taking off like that for days at a time. Maybe he is manic or something. Just wondering if he has bipolar disorder or something of that nature.

I know this must hurt a lot, going thru this. My heart goes out to you. Here's a cyberhug!