A Whole New World!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 24
A Whole New World!
to coin an old phrase..."today is the first day of the rest of my life".
well it's over- he's gone.
i gave him the weekend to let it settle in with the kids before they had to go back to school and so he could get his things in order, i even told him he could stay last night and take his things out once the kids went to school so they wouldn't have to see daddy once again removing his belongings. he didn't touch his things and he went about the weekend as if nothing was wrong. i left for most of the weekend to give him time with the kids and because i couldn't be around him.well he decided to leave last night and he didn't take a thing with him. the plan is that he will come on tuesdays and thursdays after school and every other weekend hell come on fri, sat and sun and i will leave when he comes. he's not allowed to sleep here and the kids are not allowed to sleep out with him either( he has no where to bring them). i asked him was he sure he had everything he needed until tuesday and he just looked at me??? he doesn't understand why he can't just come by today to get what he needs? we went over the plan a hundred times. i repeatedly asked him if the plan was good for him. is response is ALWAYS silence so i assumed he got it. i think i am being more than fair by leaving my own home so that he can have a relationship with his kids. it's not easy, i mean i have friends and family that i can go to but they have thier own lives too. the hardest part is going to be being a part time mother. it's not what i want . but i know that for right now it's neither safe or healthy for me to be around him. i need time and i'm not sure he'll give it to me.
in anycase it is time to let go and let God and get on with my life. please say a prayer for me and my kids.
thanks!
well it's over- he's gone.
i gave him the weekend to let it settle in with the kids before they had to go back to school and so he could get his things in order, i even told him he could stay last night and take his things out once the kids went to school so they wouldn't have to see daddy once again removing his belongings. he didn't touch his things and he went about the weekend as if nothing was wrong. i left for most of the weekend to give him time with the kids and because i couldn't be around him.well he decided to leave last night and he didn't take a thing with him. the plan is that he will come on tuesdays and thursdays after school and every other weekend hell come on fri, sat and sun and i will leave when he comes. he's not allowed to sleep here and the kids are not allowed to sleep out with him either( he has no where to bring them). i asked him was he sure he had everything he needed until tuesday and he just looked at me??? he doesn't understand why he can't just come by today to get what he needs? we went over the plan a hundred times. i repeatedly asked him if the plan was good for him. is response is ALWAYS silence so i assumed he got it. i think i am being more than fair by leaving my own home so that he can have a relationship with his kids. it's not easy, i mean i have friends and family that i can go to but they have thier own lives too. the hardest part is going to be being a part time mother. it's not what i want . but i know that for right now it's neither safe or healthy for me to be around him. i need time and i'm not sure he'll give it to me.
in anycase it is time to let go and let God and get on with my life. please say a prayer for me and my kids.
thanks!
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
I think it is great that u are allowing him to come into the home to stay with the kids. I think it is hard for kids to be uprooted for visits with Dads especially if they are use to their homes and they are young. I feel u should be proud of yourself and your mature choices. A cheer for u!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 24
thanks reader,
it is hard though. i know it's only the first week and it's going to take some adjusting but i feel uncomfortable intruding on my friends lives. the plan is for him to leave by 9, last night it was 9:30. i'm sure my girlfriend would have preferred to have been in bed instead of entertaining me. and needless to say i was exhausted by that time , seeing i get very little sleep to begin with. i came home to find my 2 youngest wide awake watching star wars in my bed no less. by the time we all got settled in it was past 10. much to late for a seven year old who is not a morning person anyway. i'm trying not to stress over it and to stay in the day- we got through it and everyone made school on time this morning. i am going to have to set more rules again as usual. but i will keep reminding myself this is best for the kids.
it is hard though. i know it's only the first week and it's going to take some adjusting but i feel uncomfortable intruding on my friends lives. the plan is for him to leave by 9, last night it was 9:30. i'm sure my girlfriend would have preferred to have been in bed instead of entertaining me. and needless to say i was exhausted by that time , seeing i get very little sleep to begin with. i came home to find my 2 youngest wide awake watching star wars in my bed no less. by the time we all got settled in it was past 10. much to late for a seven year old who is not a morning person anyway. i'm trying not to stress over it and to stay in the day- we got through it and everyone made school on time this morning. i am going to have to set more rules again as usual. but i will keep reminding myself this is best for the kids.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Your right it is best for the kids.
If It were me I would come home 1/2 hour before the appointed time and start winding it down for them. Make your boundries and stick to them, kinda like training a puppy, they will soon get use to it.
Plus you dont have to intrude on your friends.... Often I will do things like "make a wish" its a cermanic store that you pick a piece of pottery and paint it... Pick a hard one and on YOUR days go paint, take in a movie, workout.... whatever you feel happy doing.... that way its fun for you too and you will start to look forward to your breaks.
If It were me I would come home 1/2 hour before the appointed time and start winding it down for them. Make your boundries and stick to them, kinda like training a puppy, they will soon get use to it.
Plus you dont have to intrude on your friends.... Often I will do things like "make a wish" its a cermanic store that you pick a piece of pottery and paint it... Pick a hard one and on YOUR days go paint, take in a movie, workout.... whatever you feel happy doing.... that way its fun for you too and you will start to look forward to your breaks.
Shay
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Rice, Texas
Posts: 5
Great suggestionn Cynay. I was going to say something along the same lines. If she is anything like me, there are finacial restraints so I thought up ways to keep me entertained when I was "hiding" from the ExAH on a bender at home! I would go and test drive cars (it's free and you get to smell them) I would take 5 bucks and buy 5 things at the "everythings a buck store" knowing I did not need nor want them. I got a great book and went and sat somewhere bright and safe to read. Libraries have coomputers so you can get online and do THIS! Or I would go and visit other area Al-Anon meetings that were on the nights I had to be "out of pocket". There were 5 differnt meetings in a 40 mile radius, it was fun.
Keep your chin up hon...you are in the home stretch!!
Keep your chin up hon...you are in the home stretch!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
A Scary thing to do _ I'm proud of You!!
I know that has to be a hard thing to do....to change your life so dramatically.
Its scary for me. I am now a single dad....with two beautiful girls. I always believed that paranting took two loving parents and now to have to do it on my own is scary! I hope I don't screw up!!!
But life with an active alcoholic that cheated on me and broke my heart was not an option.
We have to move on!! Way to go girl!!!
Its scary for me. I am now a single dad....with two beautiful girls. I always believed that paranting took two loving parents and now to have to do it on my own is scary! I hope I don't screw up!!!
But life with an active alcoholic that cheated on me and broke my heart was not an option.
We have to move on!! Way to go girl!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 24
thanks again everyone. i need the support. i have friends and family but they just don't get it. it's hard but i'm determined.
guy, i know you won't screw it up, one sane parent is better than two insane anyday!
i hear you about not an option for some reason the A's seem to understand they think no big deal???
you hang in there too!
guy, i know you won't screw it up, one sane parent is better than two insane anyday!
i hear you about not an option for some reason the A's seem to understand they think no big deal???
you hang in there too!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Where is your husband staying? When my kid's dad and I got divorced, I would go stay at his apartment while he stayed with the kids. For a while, we moved back and forth instead of moving the kids. I know this is tough but it sounds like you have made a good start.
Hugs, Jo
Hugs, Jo
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