I hate F'ing AA!
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
I try ignoring the bullsh*t or calmly (and I mean calmly, he will NOT get under my skin EVER again) pointing out that huge dent in the cushion where he has been sitting. I sometimes joke (not sarcastically) about how perfect we all are in our house because there are a lot of egos to contend with.
Oh, and I have agreed with him, tongue in cheek and told him he is right - and repeat what he says so he can hear it, and add my own bits - that sometimes helps. "You are right, I am a really bad mother and never spend any time at all with the kids, or help them with homework, or cook them dinner, or drive them around or clean up after them, or wash their clothes ..."
But, at the end of the day, I keep going the path to making myself happy and living a life I like, regardless of him. I am hoping he will follow, if not ... I will then decide if I will be happier on my own.
Look after yourself,
love brigid
Oh, and I have agreed with him, tongue in cheek and told him he is right - and repeat what he says so he can hear it, and add my own bits - that sometimes helps. "You are right, I am a really bad mother and never spend any time at all with the kids, or help them with homework, or cook them dinner, or drive them around or clean up after them, or wash their clothes ..."
But, at the end of the day, I keep going the path to making myself happy and living a life I like, regardless of him. I am hoping he will follow, if not ... I will then decide if I will be happier on my own.
Look after yourself,
love brigid
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
AA doesn't make people wonderful. People make AA wonderful.
(People who WORK A PROGRAM that is.)
AA (and Al-anon!) has it's share of a-holes, same as anywhere ELSE you go.
Just because you get a horse-thief sober, doesn't mean s/he's not STILL a horse-thief!
(S/he'll just remember where the horses ARE the next morning!)
Al-anon is NOT for man/husband bashing. AA is NOT for wife/woman bashing.
Both are programs of *healing*.
Blue
sober in AA for almost 14 yrs - in Al-anon for prob'ly close to 20.
(People who WORK A PROGRAM that is.)
AA (and Al-anon!) has it's share of a-holes, same as anywhere ELSE you go.
Just because you get a horse-thief sober, doesn't mean s/he's not STILL a horse-thief!
(S/he'll just remember where the horses ARE the next morning!)
Al-anon is NOT for man/husband bashing. AA is NOT for wife/woman bashing.
Both are programs of *healing*.
Blue
sober in AA for almost 14 yrs - in Al-anon for prob'ly close to 20.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 346
Thanks you guys. He has stopped his reign of terror -- they're always short lived but the aftermath is sooooo long.
One of my new year's resolutions is "Bullsh*t OUT, Fulfilling life IN." There's a good person underneath all of his spiteful poison but, as long as this behavior is permitted to continue, my children will learn this as their way of life.
I say (use best cowboy southern drawl) HELL NO!
His guilt has taken over from yesterday's outburst. I find it interesting to watch the cycle of Perpetrator, now Victim. I am reminded of my dog when he was a puppy and would run back and forth with his ears flying in the wind. I would just stand there and watch him run back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I even said that to him yesterday. I used the words Perpetrator, then Victim, then Perpetrator, then Victim.
I'm sure that didn't help my cause............LOL
One of my new year's resolutions is "Bullsh*t OUT, Fulfilling life IN." There's a good person underneath all of his spiteful poison but, as long as this behavior is permitted to continue, my children will learn this as their way of life.
I say (use best cowboy southern drawl) HELL NO!
His guilt has taken over from yesterday's outburst. I find it interesting to watch the cycle of Perpetrator, now Victim. I am reminded of my dog when he was a puppy and would run back and forth with his ears flying in the wind. I would just stand there and watch him run back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I even said that to him yesterday. I used the words Perpetrator, then Victim, then Perpetrator, then Victim.
I'm sure that didn't help my cause............LOL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
BB,page 103,,3rd edition.
After all,our problems were of our own making.
Bottles were only a symbol.
Besides,we have stopped,
fighting anybody or anything.
We have to,....Looks like your man has over-looked this part in the Big Book.
You know the truth.Beginning and end of story.
Personally for the first couple of years,going to AA,i was in a mental fog.Im alcoholic also.Everytime even today when i open my BB,up,im finding something new to me in there.its like someone is writting stuff in there,since the last time i read this book,,lol.See,alcoholics do like to blame others,lol.Truth of it all is,that when reading the BB,i had over-looked some things in there.Thats why its new to me.it takes time to heal.Its a process.Change ,its all about changing.And this is done in stages,one day at a time.There is a story in the BB,where the man is talking about his wife.All he can see is all her faults.he is asked to see only the good points in her.Eventually he did this,and their marriage was better because of this.
The alcoholics,or anyone, can tell me that the moon is pink and square.Thats on them.I know the truth.I embrace the truth.And live and let live.Kids watch and learn how i treat sick folks.How i react,or dont react...
Ya done great here,,way to go.You regonized da bull.This is "his bull",not the beautiful wondering recovery program that has help thousands,.How it works openmindessness,willingness,and honesty.He will get there in time,if he is serious about AA.
Keep on,keeping on,
my prayers for you both,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!
After all,our problems were of our own making.
Bottles were only a symbol.
Besides,we have stopped,
fighting anybody or anything.
We have to,....Looks like your man has over-looked this part in the Big Book.
You know the truth.Beginning and end of story.
Personally for the first couple of years,going to AA,i was in a mental fog.Im alcoholic also.Everytime even today when i open my BB,up,im finding something new to me in there.its like someone is writting stuff in there,since the last time i read this book,,lol.See,alcoholics do like to blame others,lol.Truth of it all is,that when reading the BB,i had over-looked some things in there.Thats why its new to me.it takes time to heal.Its a process.Change ,its all about changing.And this is done in stages,one day at a time.There is a story in the BB,where the man is talking about his wife.All he can see is all her faults.he is asked to see only the good points in her.Eventually he did this,and their marriage was better because of this.
The alcoholics,or anyone, can tell me that the moon is pink and square.Thats on them.I know the truth.I embrace the truth.And live and let live.Kids watch and learn how i treat sick folks.How i react,or dont react...
Ya done great here,,way to go.You regonized da bull.This is "his bull",not the beautiful wondering recovery program that has help thousands,.How it works openmindessness,willingness,and honesty.He will get there in time,if he is serious about AA.
Keep on,keeping on,
my prayers for you both,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
The BB on line is the first edition, so will need to find a third edition at library for Personal Stories where you will find "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict" pg 439
I think that is the one cap mentioned. It is my favorite personal story.
In last edition, I think it was renamed to "Acceptance was the answer on page 407"
Thanks cap, I had not realized that BB on line was First Edition.
I think that is the one cap mentioned. It is my favorite personal story.
In last edition, I think it was renamed to "Acceptance was the answer on page 407"
Thanks cap, I had not realized that BB on line was First Edition.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 346
Good grief. I just finished reading the FIRST edition................there are 3 more? LOL
Oh, the boy is remorseful today. Boo hoo. I am just living around him -- he is hanging around me to see if this can just be slipped under the rug. I hope someday he learns..............
(She smiles as she realizes just how ultra cool she is) Ciao' !
Oh, the boy is remorseful today. Boo hoo. I am just living around him -- he is hanging around me to see if this can just be slipped under the rug. I hope someday he learns..............
(She smiles as she realizes just how ultra cool she is) Ciao' !
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
FOB...You are so right on the pg for passage or paragraph, but i was giving the page to start the whole story on Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict. (Now "Acceptance was the answer")
i got such a kick out of him trying to fix his wife, and when he thought he was checking her in and when the doors slamed shut he was in the pshyc ward and she went home.
Every Alanon should read that one.
i got such a kick out of him trying to fix his wife, and when he thought he was checking her in and when the doors slamed shut he was in the pshyc ward and she went home.
Every Alanon should read that one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 346
I seriously think he *wants* me to check him in.
He's been looking for that elusive vacation for a while. What better way than to "grow" as a person.
This is not a joke. His upbringing was, shall we say, a place where pennies were singleBUTTedly crushed. Cheap. Cheap to the point of embarrassing to his wife and a place where his children wouldn't bring any friends home.
So, why, if you grew up and were embarrassed by that behavior, would you inflict that on your children?????????
He's been looking for that elusive vacation for a while. What better way than to "grow" as a person.
This is not a joke. His upbringing was, shall we say, a place where pennies were singleBUTTedly crushed. Cheap. Cheap to the point of embarrassing to his wife and a place where his children wouldn't bring any friends home.
So, why, if you grew up and were embarrassed by that behavior, would you inflict that on your children?????????
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