ravensnestleyan

My husband quit drinking, and smoking both pot and regular cigars two days ago. He's always had what i consider a walking addiction : kind of a play on words with walking pneumonia. He works hard and goes to school every day, and he's a great husband and father. I guess i am an enabler b/c i always felt well he's not a falling down drunk or a lazy stoner, so theres nothing to worry about. This, however will be his third attempt in the last four years to stop, an i really want him to succeed. his health is catching up with him, and i'm afraid one day very soon a doctor will tell us some tragic news about his heart or lungs. I've already decided that this time around i'm going to kind of 'do it with him' No more 'girl's night out'or alcohol in the house for me. I'm trying to look at it in a different more urgent way now. Of couse, he's a very stubborn third generation Portuguese man and wants to do this himself. concsidering his track record, however, i think he needs some help. He's having a very rough detox period right now, and I don't know what to do. I am ready to quit being a passive enabler so will someone steer me in the right direction?!

FriendofBill

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

This is the direction I sought when I could not handle someone elses alcoholism.

I hope you steer yourself to a meeting.....a dry drunk is the same as an active drunk....

good luck and welcome...keep posting!

Zoey

Welcome to SR, read as many posts as you can and the stickey's at the top.
Lots and lots to learn.
Keep coming back.

How is he doing?? Cold turkey is rough. Have you ever seen DT's??
DT's happen to some when going through withdrawal without help.
HUGS

equus

Hi and welcome to SR!!

First of all how are you both doing? You mentioned that your hubby works hard and goes to school - so maybe he hasn't yet got to the stage of severe withdrawal symptoms but none the less it's hard to make big changes in life all at once.

I stopped drinking when my hubby did, I did it for me though because I prefered one big decision to lots of little dilemas like whether I would drink in the house or in front of him etc. I've loved it!! It's reminded me of the childhood years when it never occured to me to need something to have fun!! Also I've felt more as though my actions and words match - it was the right choice for me.

My hubby isn't using AA and hasn't got much supportat the moment but he has put in the genuine effort needed to make changes and there's certainly a huge difference in him sober. He did go for help at the start too.

It's a personal viewpoint but I think terms like dry drunk are very over used - mostly to sum up anything negative despite somebody not actually drinking. Unlike alcohol addiction there's no recognition diagnostically for dry drunk. If you find it helpful in your situation to see things in terms of 'dry drunk' etc then perhaps it's working for you. I personally don't.

Whatever happens it sounds as though right now his actions are showing some real effort so don't forget to acknowledge that to yourself and maybe to him - I think we all need encouragement when we're trying to make changes.

Take care of yourself too, I think getting support really helps whether it's Al-Anon who've helped lots of people here or personal counselling which I found much needed. Don't forget that this is rough on you too so you need time to help yourself first and foremost.

meli2005

Detoxing can be very dangerous. If you feel like he is not doing well, call an ambulance and get him to a hospital where he can detox with teh aide of medications. They can point him to some further rehab choices. Withdrawing from alcohol is nothing to play with. It can be very deadly.