You would not believe
Searching and tripping
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
You would not believe
My aunt came to spend the holidays with us again this year. She's 63 years old has got 20 some years of sobriety. And I use sobriety lightly... Our first confrontation was at the grocery store where she knocked over a display and in her mind, thought it took at least 5 seconds to hit the floor... I got hell for not catching it. That evening we talked about the effects of alcohol on the brain...frying, etc. She said there was no medical documentation that any alcoholic suffered from a "fried brain." This same woman is on a 10 second delay. Literally. Say something to her and it takes that long to process. She doesn't think the 2 qts. of Jim Beam daily had any affect for the 20 year period of boozing and "she" thinks she functions normally.
At our niece and nephew's house yesterday, she kept bumping into to me as if she was pushing her lower half against my butt...so disgusting. Last year she was into pinching my nipples and twisting.
When we got home last night, she got into a farting thing. Lifting a cheek or turning her butt toward you and tooting. Hubby was making a sandwich and she came up to him and did it. She's got a smokers cough, never covers her mouth, is always digging at her teeth with her fingernails then digging into the candy and cookie contains and pushing the stuff around looking for the perfect piece. She's also a food picker. Instead of using a fork, she'll pull pieces of meat from a roast or ham instead of cutting a piece. Her excuse is that she really isn't hungry.
The kicker last night...and I say last night because I know it's going to keep going until she leaves on Thursday... hubby, son and I were sitting and eating a sandwich and watching the tube when she sat down next to me with her teeth cleaning appliances. 5 different things she uses to clean between the bridges and whatever else is in her mouth. I immediately told her not to clean her teeth sitting next to me in the living room while I was eating. She got offended and said it was no big deal. I threw my sandwich away. And sat on the floor away from her. Did she quit cleaning her teeth and picking the food out and flicking it on the floor and against her clothes...hell no!!!
I am about ready to explode. My guts are literally boiling. My head is throbbing. I told my guys that if we took her out in public she acted okay so we need to get out of the house. When we suggested going to the aquarium, she said, oh hell, I've been to one before and when you see you see them all. Everything we suggested she had no interest, had seen it or where she lived, it was better.
Oh God I'm going to need some serious support for the next three days. And here I was worried to death because our son hadn't been to a meeting in over a week because of his job. He says her being in the house is worth 2 weeks of meetings. I'm going to take a picture of her, blow it up and designate her as the poster child for sobriety.
At our niece and nephew's house yesterday, she kept bumping into to me as if she was pushing her lower half against my butt...so disgusting. Last year she was into pinching my nipples and twisting.
When we got home last night, she got into a farting thing. Lifting a cheek or turning her butt toward you and tooting. Hubby was making a sandwich and she came up to him and did it. She's got a smokers cough, never covers her mouth, is always digging at her teeth with her fingernails then digging into the candy and cookie contains and pushing the stuff around looking for the perfect piece. She's also a food picker. Instead of using a fork, she'll pull pieces of meat from a roast or ham instead of cutting a piece. Her excuse is that she really isn't hungry.
The kicker last night...and I say last night because I know it's going to keep going until she leaves on Thursday... hubby, son and I were sitting and eating a sandwich and watching the tube when she sat down next to me with her teeth cleaning appliances. 5 different things she uses to clean between the bridges and whatever else is in her mouth. I immediately told her not to clean her teeth sitting next to me in the living room while I was eating. She got offended and said it was no big deal. I threw my sandwich away. And sat on the floor away from her. Did she quit cleaning her teeth and picking the food out and flicking it on the floor and against her clothes...hell no!!!
I am about ready to explode. My guts are literally boiling. My head is throbbing. I told my guys that if we took her out in public she acted okay so we need to get out of the house. When we suggested going to the aquarium, she said, oh hell, I've been to one before and when you see you see them all. Everything we suggested she had no interest, had seen it or where she lived, it was better.
Oh God I'm going to need some serious support for the next three days. And here I was worried to death because our son hadn't been to a meeting in over a week because of his job. He says her being in the house is worth 2 weeks of meetings. I'm going to take a picture of her, blow it up and designate her as the poster child for sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
The one lodger my parents took with us from the boarding house when we moved was a guy called Cyril. Cyril picked scabs of his bald head then sucked them out from under his fingernails and spat them on the floor!! Everytime he sat down anywhere it began!
When I used to waitress and I'd get a rude customer I'd play a game with them. I'd decide whatever they did I would respond as though they were the king, I'd do my best to show the best manners and be proud of it. It helped me to see a boundary where they finished and I began, it helped me not get wrapped into a struggle - and sometimes it was fun (in a wrong way) because it could drive them POTTY!! It was like they couldn't make me notice their insulting behaviour, couldn't bug me and looked more and more stupid to neighbouring tables. It kept my sanity because it was a battle of wills they COULDN'T win!!
Just enjoy that you are you - you would hate to wake up one morning with her agenda. (We would hate it as well!!).
Oh and if all else fails spill some ketchup on her!
When I used to waitress and I'd get a rude customer I'd play a game with them. I'd decide whatever they did I would respond as though they were the king, I'd do my best to show the best manners and be proud of it. It helped me to see a boundary where they finished and I began, it helped me not get wrapped into a struggle - and sometimes it was fun (in a wrong way) because it could drive them POTTY!! It was like they couldn't make me notice their insulting behaviour, couldn't bug me and looked more and more stupid to neighbouring tables. It kept my sanity because it was a battle of wills they COULDN'T win!!
Just enjoy that you are you - you would hate to wake up one morning with her agenda. (We would hate it as well!!).
Oh and if all else fails spill some ketchup on her!
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
Well ya know guys (+ gals!) - you can get a horse-thief sober, but s/he is STILL a horse-thief!! Sobriety doesn't automatically bestow good manners (or common sense)!!
I DO hafta wonder, especially considering the age of the women mentioned, if this isn't possibly due to a medical condition that hasn't been diagnosed??? (No, I don't mean Alzheimer's.)
Well, all that said - I sure as heck don't envy you Kathy - OR Best!!! Not sure I could deal with it - even for a couple days! (I'm a major wimp!)
Blessings,
Blue
I DO hafta wonder, especially considering the age of the women mentioned, if this isn't possibly due to a medical condition that hasn't been diagnosed??? (No, I don't mean Alzheimer's.)
Well, all that said - I sure as heck don't envy you Kathy - OR Best!!! Not sure I could deal with it - even for a couple days! (I'm a major wimp!)
Blessings,
Blue
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
I'm sorry for your houseguest from hell, but your story was really funny! 
Would it help to set some firm boundaries? (such as..."we don't clean our teeth in the living room"...)
Christmas can be so stressful. Hang in there. She'll be gone soon.
Robin
Would it help to set some firm boundaries? (such as..."we don't clean our teeth in the living room"...)
Christmas can be so stressful. Hang in there. She'll be gone soon.
Robin
Ugh!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
Gelf,
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I totally understand what you mean by the 10 second delay thing. My ah has the same issue, I've never been certain if it was due to his drinking or if it was just the way he's always been. It does seem to get worse, he says I simply talk too much but it still takes him 10-20 seconds to answer me when I say his name.
I'm not too easily grossed out by anyone in person but if something really disturbs me (like any type of slasher movie that freinds and hubby love to watch) I just take my chips and soda into my bedroom or my office and chill in there until the grossness is over.
I did have an situation where one of my co-workers (I was her superior) liked to belch and it was a MEGA belch. She could say the alphabet kinda thing. Everyone was grossed out by it in the office and gave her remarks etc. One day I thought to myself how is she benefiting by doing this? I figured out that she was getting the attention she desired by shocking others around her, told everyone to please ignore her when she did the behavior and low and behold when the reaction stopped from others around her, the belching did too.
Obviously this woman you are dealing with has no manners, but how is she benefiting when at that age she should probably know better? Well, just thank God she's not staying perminantly! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
Big Hugs,
~FaithChaser
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I totally understand what you mean by the 10 second delay thing. My ah has the same issue, I've never been certain if it was due to his drinking or if it was just the way he's always been. It does seem to get worse, he says I simply talk too much but it still takes him 10-20 seconds to answer me when I say his name.
I'm not too easily grossed out by anyone in person but if something really disturbs me (like any type of slasher movie that freinds and hubby love to watch) I just take my chips and soda into my bedroom or my office and chill in there until the grossness is over.
I did have an situation where one of my co-workers (I was her superior) liked to belch and it was a MEGA belch. She could say the alphabet kinda thing. Everyone was grossed out by it in the office and gave her remarks etc. One day I thought to myself how is she benefiting by doing this? I figured out that she was getting the attention she desired by shocking others around her, told everyone to please ignore her when she did the behavior and low and behold when the reaction stopped from others around her, the belching did too.
Obviously this woman you are dealing with has no manners, but how is she benefiting when at that age she should probably know better? Well, just thank God she's not staying perminantly! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
Big Hugs,
~FaithChaser
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
My P.I.A. MIL was in a bad car accedent a few years back. the Dr said she would not make it through the night. Well by the grace of God, she did.
As much of a pain as she can be, all had the same thought... she can grab out butt all she wants, rather then us having the other option.
It changed our attitude and it also changed our recovery towards her and her issues. Boundaries and attitudes (of ours) were changed and she is a little bit more acceptable to deal with now.
This story hits home when I think about the old way we treated her at times...
The Wooden Bowl
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law,and four-year grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess We must do something about Grandfather," said the son.
I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded,"Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor life seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future. Let's be wise builders and role models.
Lord, we ask not that you move the mountains, but that You give us the strength to climb. "Life is about people connecting with people, and making a positive difference"
Take care of yourself, ...and those you love, ...today, and everyday!
As much of a pain as she can be, all had the same thought... she can grab out butt all she wants, rather then us having the other option.
It changed our attitude and it also changed our recovery towards her and her issues. Boundaries and attitudes (of ours) were changed and she is a little bit more acceptable to deal with now.
This story hits home when I think about the old way we treated her at times...
The Wooden Bowl
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law,and four-year grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess We must do something about Grandfather," said the son.
I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded,"Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor life seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future. Let's be wise builders and role models.
Lord, we ask not that you move the mountains, but that You give us the strength to climb. "Life is about people connecting with people, and making a positive difference"
Take care of yourself, ...and those you love, ...today, and everyday!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
My MIL had a habit of getting up, going downstairs, make coffee, and then get dressed for the day. My oldest boy woke up early one morning. As he enters the kitchen, she was standing in the middle of the kitchen and putting on her bra.
71 years old and my son 18 at the time. My son signed up for the Marines the very next day.
Figures that if he could live through that, he could get through boot camp with no problem *LOL*
71 years old and my son 18 at the time. My son signed up for the Marines the very next day.
Figures that if he could live through that, he could get through boot camp with no problem *LOL*
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
In the famous words of Jeff Foxworthy ....... "You might be a redneck if ......" (fill in the blank) and I think Larry the Cable Guy might say to your aunt "Git 'er done!"
You can choose your friends but not your relatives ........ s s c c aaarrryyy!
You can choose your friends but not your relatives ........ s s c c aaarrryyy!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 338
wow Best, that wooden bowl story is heartwarming and a real eye opener...I really liked that
your story right after that? hilarious! :-)
liked both of them a lot
faithchaser, that was a great job you did with the situation at work! effective in a peaceful way
((hugs gelfling!))
your story right after that? hilarious! :-)
liked both of them a lot
faithchaser, that was a great job you did with the situation at work! effective in a peaceful way
((hugs gelfling!))
Searching and tripping
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
She's now spreading her belongings around the house. She's taken over the bathroom she's supposed to share with our son. She's changed the adjustments on my computer to suit her eyes...won't wear her glasses and claims she left hers at home. Along with her robe and hair dryer and other things she's borrowing.
She's watched phantom of the opera 2 times in 3 days. Got to take HBO off my family listings. Simply because I wasn't in the mood to sit all day and watch movies...which I normally don't do, she got upset. At the 2nd watching, I sat with her, but fooled with one of the dogs and didn't watch the movie. She handed the remote to me and said, "here, you take it, you don't want me to watch it". I told her that I didn't care what she watched. I didn't care but I wasn't going to watch it. I got up and went to the computer to see she's screwed with it, setting it to how "I like it at home".
Nuts nuts nuts...I live with 2 recovering alcoholics and having another visit is pushing me over the top. I told hubby that I think this may be the last year she's invited here. I prayed for strength to get through these 5 days, but she's a lot worse than last year. Horribly so. She's the only living relative I have. But that doesn't mean I have to take a raft of sh*t from a real nut case. And as someone above mentioned, yes, I do believe there are some psychological issues also involved. She flip flops from being crazy, talking trash, and being rude to a semi-normal person. But when she was drinking, she was really psycho. So I feel I am seeing a drydrunk during those time. Along with issues.
I made her take a shower this morning and we're going out somewhere. I have no idea where, but it will be around lots of people because she acts almost human in public. And I did get on her case about coughing and not covering her mouth. Her response was that it wasn't contagious. I reminded her that she was still spreading spit all over the place. On occasion, I have seen her cover her mouth, but the monitor here at the computer is speckled.
Oh God, give me strength to get through today and tomorrow. And to think she's bugging me to build an addition onto our house so she can retire and move in with us.
She's watched phantom of the opera 2 times in 3 days. Got to take HBO off my family listings. Simply because I wasn't in the mood to sit all day and watch movies...which I normally don't do, she got upset. At the 2nd watching, I sat with her, but fooled with one of the dogs and didn't watch the movie. She handed the remote to me and said, "here, you take it, you don't want me to watch it". I told her that I didn't care what she watched. I didn't care but I wasn't going to watch it. I got up and went to the computer to see she's screwed with it, setting it to how "I like it at home".
Nuts nuts nuts...I live with 2 recovering alcoholics and having another visit is pushing me over the top. I told hubby that I think this may be the last year she's invited here. I prayed for strength to get through these 5 days, but she's a lot worse than last year. Horribly so. She's the only living relative I have. But that doesn't mean I have to take a raft of sh*t from a real nut case. And as someone above mentioned, yes, I do believe there are some psychological issues also involved. She flip flops from being crazy, talking trash, and being rude to a semi-normal person. But when she was drinking, she was really psycho. So I feel I am seeing a drydrunk during those time. Along with issues.
I made her take a shower this morning and we're going out somewhere. I have no idea where, but it will be around lots of people because she acts almost human in public. And I did get on her case about coughing and not covering her mouth. Her response was that it wasn't contagious. I reminded her that she was still spreading spit all over the place. On occasion, I have seen her cover her mouth, but the monitor here at the computer is speckled.
Oh God, give me strength to get through today and tomorrow. And to think she's bugging me to build an addition onto our house so she can retire and move in with us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by gelfling
And to think she's bugging me to build an addition onto our house so she can retire and move in with us.
We both did our best not to burst out laughing.
There isn't enough money in the universe for that to happen.
Gelf, I hope you make it through the next few days without breaking something.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Kathy
I don't mean to laugh so hard but I can't help myself *LOL*
I live it here as well.
My wife still thinks I have adjusted my coffee drinking habits for some reason other then the real reason. I only drink from my own cup that is with me all the time. I don't drink coffee that she made, I will go out and buy from the coffee shop. Some things I can't change, so I adjust.
Boundaries do work. Messages do get across. Things do change.
thing is... they don't change as fast as we would like at times.
Know your not alone and even though I am laughing like crazy here (cause crying isn't wanted right now *L*) Prayers for you are being said.
I don't mean to laugh so hard but I can't help myself *LOL*
I live it here as well.
My wife still thinks I have adjusted my coffee drinking habits for some reason other then the real reason. I only drink from my own cup that is with me all the time. I don't drink coffee that she made, I will go out and buy from the coffee shop. Some things I can't change, so I adjust.
Boundaries do work. Messages do get across. Things do change.
thing is... they don't change as fast as we would like at times.
Know your not alone and even though I am laughing like crazy here (cause crying isn't wanted right now *L*) Prayers for you are being said.
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