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Elephants Part 2

Old 12-30-2002, 05:30 AM
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JT
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Elephants Part 2

Well, things are not as they seem at the Cleaver house!! It seems that Ward has had very good reason to glare at the Beav. On Dec 8 the Beav stole his truck and came home and passed out in the driveway. Junie was asleep apparently. Ward had to help him to bed. Then he got a $40 parking ticket in the mail a couple of days ago for the same night. Or should I say morning.

Ward has also found Bud cans in the basement and his bike hidden behind the house??

Anywho...Ward never told me any of this. (I will never know how he thinks) Remember Ann, when I told you my radar was up? There have been two times when he appeared a bit buzzed, but I stored it. Why confront him?

So he has been drinking, stealing and lieing...need I say more? Pretty typical for him. No WONDER Ward was glaring at him!!!

Believe it or not....I am ok...I knew going in that it would most likely not end well. I am at work right now, and I won't be telling him to leave on the phone while I we are not at home. He would probably find a flatbed trailer and load up the house. There would be nothing but an empty lot when I got home.

The duck poo was flying last night and I must admit that I did dust off the black and white striped shirt and the whistle briefly. But when it became apparent that the Beav had stolen Wards truck, I went to bed and...get this...slept. How's that for recovery!!!

Got to go...I AM at work after all!!

Hugs to all!!
JT
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Old 12-30-2002, 05:50 AM
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JT,

Just so you'll be safe, I'm whispering this post so your boss won't hear me!

How well I understand how you are feeling....having a kid home, post rehab, waiting for the 'other shoe' to drop and, lo and behold, it did. I'm sorry all this is taking place at your house and know how you are feeling. It could be me next and, in my gut, I feel like it's just a matter of time because my daughter is so immature. I know that sounds very negative but I call it realistic.

And, good glory, do I ever understand about putting on the referee's shirt and grabbing the whistle. The problem being that sometimes someone has to blow the whistle on ME when I LOSE IT! Yikes, how's that for confession?

But I do want to brag on you and your EXCELLENT use of your Al Anon training! You went to bed and slept?? Man, oh man, you are a great example of what the 12 steps of Al Anon teaches.

Hang in there, gal. You have support and many who understand all you're going through. I hope I get to the level at which you're working your program.
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Old 12-30-2002, 10:04 AM
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JT,

I'm sorry! The disease has won again. This is just a battle and not the war. That's what I keep telling myself.

I made it easy on myself the last time I kicked my son out. I made sure he had what he needed and took him to breakfast and said goodbye as if he were here for a visit and leaving again.

I know it's harder for you this time because of the beavette. It must hurt you because of him too.

We all love you!!!! It's a tough addiction to shake. I will continue to pray for all our children.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 12-30-2002, 12:45 PM
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I'm sorry JT to hear about this latest relapse. I know what you mean about your radar being up. I have been there many times. I am praying for you and your son. I hope this quote helps:

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving." Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Old 12-30-2002, 02:04 PM
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J.T.,
You gave it a shot, and it didn't work
out. Like you have said there are no right and wrong answers-you did what you felt was best at the time.
Of course you are O.K., I would faint
if you weren't!
My oldest was here for the most part
of December. He took off twice, and
detoxed here twice. My choice, it was
X-mas. But I was never so relieved to
see him get on the bus and go home. My
recovery wasn't showing.
Hope Little Beav is O.K.-give him big
hugs from me.

Hugs,
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Old 12-30-2002, 03:51 PM
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I was afraid to reply to any thread with the word elephant on it because everytime I did, I seemed to put my foot in my mouth. But alas, I never could keep my mouth closed long enough so I'm trying again.

Sorry about the way things turned out JT. You know it has nothing to do with anything you or your husband did or could have done. It takes some of us longer than others that's all. I hope all is well with you. Stay close and take care of you.

Love ya

S
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Old 12-30-2002, 04:55 PM
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dear jt,
so sorry about the family situation at hand. ur in my prayers. that radar of yours is pretty good. i call it mom's gut feeling. take care of urself and definately sweet dreams!!
hugs from sugar
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Old 12-30-2002, 05:40 PM
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(((JT)))

All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm glad that you are okay. You were together at Christmas and no matter what, memories were made and time was spent together. I've learned to be thankful for each good day and count each good memory as a blessing. I find myself making a mental picture of putting these memories in a box as a keepsake. Corny, but works for me.

Hope things are going okay tonite. Big hugs and prayers for all of you.

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Old 12-30-2002, 05:44 PM
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****{JT}}}

You always told me to trust my instincts, and I am sure that you trust yours. That doesn't make this any less sad, but we are veterans of this war and no longer the walking wounded.

My husband has neglected to tell me things about my son too, and quite frankly I get miffed about that. I need to know the truth...I can handle the truth...won't SOMEBODY PLEASE tell the truth. .

My heart and prayers go out to you, Ward and Beav...and even bigger prayers for little Beav.

Dust off your helmet, put on your armour, and march thyself to a meeting. Meetings got us to the good place we are in today, and meetings will keep us there.

And a nice long soak in a bubble bath won't hurt either.

Give it back to your HP....He always knows what to do with it.
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Old 12-30-2002, 07:51 PM
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Hey JT,

I'm still thinking about you. Check in when you can.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 12-30-2002, 10:25 PM
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JT,
(((((((((to you))))))))))) Your such an inspiration!!

Love ya!!
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Old 12-31-2002, 07:38 AM
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Thnaks everyone,

The thing I was most upset about was the not knowing. Ward got an ear full. He said the Beav is back to playing us against each other...and I said not if we communicate!

But you know what? They are both doing what they do. Ward loves me and didn't want me to be hurt. Ward knows all...I don't know how he does it but nothing gets by him. And the Beav used it to his advantage. He knew what would happen if I knew...but Ward was keeping his secret.

I told Ward, and I am telling all of you, it is black and white for me. The Beav made a choice or choices (there are other things I was not told, too) and that takes the decisions out of my hands. It is not a matter of waffling or wondering what to do now....he made the choice for me. Executing it won't be easy but that doesn't change the outcome.

Ward thought I had my head in the clouds. That just shows how much he knows me. I told him that I work very hard and would not have taken this on if I did not feel able to handle it. Maybe he gets it now...maybe not.

The devil on my shoulder is telling me that I can make the Beav turn it around but that little devil has no power over me anymore.
I know better!

Funny story...I have been locking my purse and some other things in my car with the keys (I have one of those keypads on the side) in the garage religiously since he arrived. He will not steal from ME!! Well when Ward noticed this he hid the extra automatic door opener (which hangs on a hook by the garage door) so the Beav couldn't get in my car! Ward is a lovable old fart!!

Hugs and thanks!

JT
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Old 12-31-2002, 07:58 AM
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(((((( JT ))))))...

I know your head wasn't in the clouds, but in or under, we still get our hearts drenched in the downpour. Thinking extra big hugs your way.

Love,
Smoke
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Old 12-31-2002, 09:08 AM
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JT,

I'm really sad about the beav too. I always hope they are going to "make it this time".

That little devil on our shoulder yells all kinds of things at us. It's times like this that the yelling gets very loud. It wants us to do anything that is the oposite of surrender. Then when we surrender it yells accusations at us. So then we surrender guilt, should haves and could haves and take that little devil by the tail and throw him away.

Give Ward a hug for me.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 12-31-2002, 12:49 PM
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jt,
once again, sorry about all the stuff going on in the house. i guess ican say ur in my prayers, and i hear that " will someone please tell me the truth!!". i really hate the unsaids and lies involved in this illness. it really makes me crazy, and i really wonder why no one can tell the truth. oh well i guess other family members like ward are trying to protect u. keep trying to work on the communication thing, it's hard for families to let go of the herd of elephants and all the secrets. it sounds like u've got a good handle on the reality. best of everything to u and yours. i'll say a big prayer for beav, sorry for the crisis. have a good new year's eve, and know i'm grateful to have u out there and sharing your path.
hugs from sugar
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Old 12-31-2002, 01:06 PM
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****{JT}}}

Not much to add, except that I am still thinking about you and care. Big hugs to Ward (I gotta love that guy), and prayers for Beav. And for you JT, and brand new pair of bunny slippers

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Old 12-31-2002, 04:30 PM
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JT,

I'm with you. I think...no, I KNOW I can handle a slip or slips, but darn it, don't lie to me!

And if it makes you feel any better, did you happen to hear a 'lively' discussion going on last night between me and Mr. Hangin' In? Well, if you didn't, you must have had your belltone turned off! We ARE on the same page as far as our daughter is concerned, but his personality is so different than mine. I was trying to discuss our daughter's situation with him and he was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Of course I, on the other hand, was remaining calm, cool and collected. (Hey, you believe that? If so, I have waterfront property in Kansas I want to sell you.... )

This darn disease can make and does make everyone in our families crazy at times, even those to whom we feel the closest.

Hang in there, JT. I admire your strength!
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Old 12-31-2002, 04:47 PM
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I guess I should 'fess up. Today I was in the process of watching him pack and Ward suggested that maybe this is not the way to handle it.

I asked the Beav what he was willing to do to not get booted. We arrived at meetings every night in addition to IOP, a job...ANY job asap, he said he would turn most of his money over to get him a place of his own and I told him if one thing happens there will be no notice. So call me a wuss.

And Ward promised to be honest with me.

I feel strong enough to do this. I know I am strong enough.

It has been 8 years since he has lived with us. I have made my point. He has been homeless, in and out of jail and living in shelters without us lifting a finger. We love him and want to give him this one more chance. Our choice.

As Dr Phil would say "How's this workin' for you?" Just fine thank-you. At least for today.

This is when I am so fond of saying there are no right or wrong answers. Even if it all blows up in my face, it is still not wrong. Learn and go on.

Hugs and Happy New Year...and Hangin, Ya'll have a good one too!

JT
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Old 12-31-2002, 04:54 PM
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god bless u and keep u jt!!
hugs from sugar
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Old 12-31-2002, 05:07 PM
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this was sent on my e-mail today and i really liked it alot,jt i thought of u and since i don't know how to cut and paste, i had my son help me do this. i hope it gets there ok
hugs from sugar
this is called "forward to god"

if u like it maybe u could help me post it in general recovery or one of the other forums where it might be enjoyed.

Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.

I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

Send this to all your friends and family.
Including the person who sent it to you.
Anyone that you love and care about.
Let them know God is there for them
always even when everyone else has
betrayed you and left you.

Have a Blest Day! :-)
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