Weird call last night
 

Last night I got a phone call from my MIL(ex) inviting myself & the boys to her house for Christmas dinner. She told me that M said she wasn’t going to come but wasn’t really sure. MIL then said if M “did” show up it would be too hard on M if both I were there AND my ex-husband. My MIL then suggested if that were the case that I could just drop he boys off for a while then pick then up later. I told her we had plans and that we should schedule something for after Christmas when everyone could make it here including my stepchildren but before my oldest goes back to school. Then MIL told me that M is moving. I know this because M moved out a year ago and signed a one year lease. I told her I know and we didn’t need to talk about M. We yaked for a while about other stuff, it was nice to catch up with her.

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Is it possible that MIL has absolutely no clue that being in a room w/ M is something that might be hard on ME?!?! She knows how I feel about M as well as how I feel about my ex husband. And the thought of dropping off my boys for a while if M were there and they would not be AT ALL uncomfortable with that situation?

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After the call I realized my boundaries have become so commonplace that they are now my unconscious knee jerk reaction. I was shocked that MIL could have been so insensitive to OUR feelings. My first thought was she has changed, or possibly the stress from her situation. And then I realized MIL has always been that way. I have changed… for the better.

And isn't that a nice feeling?
I think extended family and ex-family members sometimes lose their minds at holiday time.
They get that "can't we all just get along" thing going, and want everyone to mix and mingle like life hasn't gone down the way it has.
I have always found it awkward to mix it up with the ex's side of the family.
I tried it a few times "for the kids sake".
Later, I found out that the kids didn't really care what I did, as long as it was something that made me happy.
Hanging out with the ex in-laws wasn't that.
Glad you made your plans according to what works for you, not what works for other people.

Enlightenment is a good thing -
 

Hey JM. I can't believe how insensitive people can be.... Just remember that you're #1, and I'm glad to hear you put yourself and YOUR feelings first. I'm also glad that you came to a HUGE conclusion regarding those in your past that DIDN'T look out for you. Godspeed, bro.

WE care about you and want you to be happy. It's the least we can all do after what you've done for so many of us.

Hugs,
DG

Got it all figured out _before_ the family gathering, that's way cool. Saved yourself a whole lot of pain and unhappiness. For yourself and your little ones.

Rock on.

Mike :-)

Wow, Jazz. cheers to you! That gave me inspiration I needed today to keep the focus on me and to keep working at it. Thanks!

Good job keeping those boundaries up. You did what is going to make you the happiest and that's the most important thing.
jen

Kudos to you sir. You're amazing.

Jazz, you know how I feel about this whole thing...
I just wanted you to know that I recognize the change in you
and most importantly YOU realize the change in you.
Now that you stood your ground, maybe future encouters with the MIL
will be completely different on her part. If not, just keep doing what you're doing.
You're the man!!!!!!

Hey :) Good for you!

j
xxx