Feeling Lost ...
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Feeling Lost ...
I am a newcomer to this Board and feel blessed to have found it. It helps to read other's messages and the support so generously given by so many.
Here is my situation -- my younger brother (I've always been like a second Mom to him) is an alcoholic. He went into rehab about 8 weeks ago and then came and stayed with us for 6 weeks. He had a few relapses while here at my house and I finally had to ask him to make a decision to get the support he needed in place or to move out because I also have young children at home. He decided he "was fine" and would move back home. He has been back at home now for about 3 weeks and is already back to drinking approximately between 1/2 and 1 fifth of vodka per day. He is driving drunk (occasionally) and is lying to everyone. He has now told his roommate that we are not allowed to ever talk again because he realizes we have both been talking about what we can do to help.
On Christmas Eve he left to drive up to my Dads (which is a 1 1/2 hour drive) and didn't arrive for nearly 6 hours. I was frantic as was my step-Mom, brother, and his room-mate. I found out he had stopped on the way and "meet a stranger and shared drinks & sex..." He is on such a self-destruction road and I don't know what to do.
My oldest daughter is getting married next week and we would like my brother to be there, but don't want him to be drunk. Any advice on how to handle the situation would be appreciated.
Also -- how do you set boundaries to protect yourself and your family when you still care & love the alcoholic and just want what's best for him/her? I am having a really difficult time trying to distance myself and yet, logically, I realize he has to want to make the break -- I can't do it for him. This all hurts so much -- this should be one of the happiest times in my family (daughter's wedding) but it is overshadowed by lies and the real fear that he is going to end up dead or killing someone else by drinking & driving.
Thanks --
Here is my situation -- my younger brother (I've always been like a second Mom to him) is an alcoholic. He went into rehab about 8 weeks ago and then came and stayed with us for 6 weeks. He had a few relapses while here at my house and I finally had to ask him to make a decision to get the support he needed in place or to move out because I also have young children at home. He decided he "was fine" and would move back home. He has been back at home now for about 3 weeks and is already back to drinking approximately between 1/2 and 1 fifth of vodka per day. He is driving drunk (occasionally) and is lying to everyone. He has now told his roommate that we are not allowed to ever talk again because he realizes we have both been talking about what we can do to help.
On Christmas Eve he left to drive up to my Dads (which is a 1 1/2 hour drive) and didn't arrive for nearly 6 hours. I was frantic as was my step-Mom, brother, and his room-mate. I found out he had stopped on the way and "meet a stranger and shared drinks & sex..." He is on such a self-destruction road and I don't know what to do.
My oldest daughter is getting married next week and we would like my brother to be there, but don't want him to be drunk. Any advice on how to handle the situation would be appreciated.
Also -- how do you set boundaries to protect yourself and your family when you still care & love the alcoholic and just want what's best for him/her? I am having a really difficult time trying to distance myself and yet, logically, I realize he has to want to make the break -- I can't do it for him. This all hurts so much -- this should be one of the happiest times in my family (daughter's wedding) but it is overshadowed by lies and the real fear that he is going to end up dead or killing someone else by drinking & driving.
Thanks --
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
First welcome and good for you for knowing you need support.
With regard to the wedding there is not alot you can do. I have personally tried a variety of things to control situations and they tend to backfire. If you try to exclude him he could make a worse scene than if he is included graciously. I would ask him to repect the situation but there is no guarantee that he will.
I love my son to death but I had to ask a couple of uncles to escort him out last Christmas Eve...not fun...but you would be suprised at the support I got from the family. They understood more than I had ever thought. People don't talk about us as much as we think...and they care.
About the drinking...there is nothing you can do. He will stop when he is ready and not a moment sooner. It would pay for you to stick around here, do some reading, attend some meetings and learn to take care of YOU. You can love your brother and support him when he is making an attempt at normalcy and let him go when he is not. In the end it is HIS choice what he does!!
Again welcome!!
JT
With regard to the wedding there is not alot you can do. I have personally tried a variety of things to control situations and they tend to backfire. If you try to exclude him he could make a worse scene than if he is included graciously. I would ask him to repect the situation but there is no guarantee that he will.
I love my son to death but I had to ask a couple of uncles to escort him out last Christmas Eve...not fun...but you would be suprised at the support I got from the family. They understood more than I had ever thought. People don't talk about us as much as we think...and they care.
About the drinking...there is nothing you can do. He will stop when he is ready and not a moment sooner. It would pay for you to stick around here, do some reading, attend some meetings and learn to take care of YOU. You can love your brother and support him when he is making an attempt at normalcy and let him go when he is not. In the end it is HIS choice what he does!!
Again welcome!!
JT
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Hi lisajo,
It's difficult to learn to deal with all of this. Keep posting and reading. I was in the same place when I came to the boards and the wonderful people here taught me to deal with the situation. It takes time. I don't think it would be wrong to enjoy your daughter's wedding without involving your brother. That would be the safest way to assure that it all goes smoothly. She is most important right now.
Hugs,
MG
It's difficult to learn to deal with all of this. Keep posting and reading. I was in the same place when I came to the boards and the wonderful people here taught me to deal with the situation. It takes time. I don't think it would be wrong to enjoy your daughter's wedding without involving your brother. That would be the safest way to assure that it all goes smoothly. She is most important right now.
Hugs,
MG
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Welcome
Lisajo, Not much I can add to what has been said already. Take care of yourself and learn all you can learn. Maybe it is like football .. the best defense is a good offense? Prepare yourself with knowledge so that you will be able to keep yourself and your family safe and healthy.
Once again, welcome to this board and hugs,
Sealy
Once again, welcome to this board and hugs,
Sealy
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Thank you
I returned home from a short out of town trip to find so many wonderful, supportive messages. Thank you all. I truly appreciate your friendship.
Have a blessed New Year, everyone, and I hope that 2003 brings each of you love, happiness, and all good things -
Lisa Jo
Have a blessed New Year, everyone, and I hope that 2003 brings each of you love, happiness, and all good things -
Lisa Jo
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