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New Year's Resolutions

Old 12-27-2002, 08:56 AM
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New Year's Resolutions

Somehow my resolutions seem to ricochet. I thought about making some backwards resolutions... y'know... knowing I'll wind up doing the opposite of what I resolved to do.

1) Double my cigarette consumption.
2) Gain 30 pounds.
3) Lose my temper at every slight provocation.
4) Always say "no" or "yes" first, rather than "I'll think about it."
5)Leave the catbox until the next door neighbors apply for mineral rights for the natural amonia supply.
6)Embrace clutter as a sign of freedom.
7) Believe everything.
8) Accept middle age and sit around more.
9) Count the thorns. Petals wilt anyway.
10) Sleep only on special occasions.

Sigh. Unfortunately, these look easier to keep than others I've made. I bet some of you guys have thought of better ones?

Happy New Year Hugs!
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Old 12-27-2002, 09:02 AM
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love you

Tena-tenacious-Tom Sawyer likes yours
ummm, now....another cigarette and a nap

live
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Old 12-27-2002, 09:06 AM
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NOPE!!!

I like yours just fine...I might add

Eat my weight in chocolate DAILY...That could help us achieve our goal of gaining 30 pounds.

Oh and..

Clean no toilets until even the dog refuses to drink out of it.

Love, rebel
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Old 12-27-2002, 10:14 AM
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Dog Hair!!

I am going to stop warning my father, who always wears black, that I have a blond dog.

I am going to stop shooing the dog off of the bed and start wearing navy flannels at night.

I am cutting myself loose from my Swiffer!! Let it fly!!

I am going to tell everyone who comes near to pet him all they want, scratch him behind the ears and make him shake!

I am going to lay on the couch all day and watch Trading Spaces!!
WITH the dog..

Up Max Up!!!

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Old 12-27-2002, 10:33 AM
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My resolution

Not go and get that membership to the gym. I have been vowing every New Years for 8 years now.

Stay rough around the edges. God forbid If I soften up people wouldn't know who I was ( giggles)
.

Eat truffles all day every day for lunch.
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Old 12-27-2002, 12:40 PM
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Oh I like these - and here are a few I could probably live up/down to...

1) I won't shovel snow...it'll all melt in April anyway.

2) I will let the dust bunnies under my bed turn themselves into bunny slippers.

3) I will buy shares in Clairol, and tell them to fly me into the next shareholders meeting.

4) I will teach my cat to let himself in and out, maybe give him a key.

Oh...this will really be a good year!!!! Thanks Smoke.
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Old 12-27-2002, 06:13 PM
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1. I will not fold and put my clean laundry away. I will let the cat sleep on top of the pile and feel like a queen.
2. I will continue to wash my clean laundry over and over again when the cat sleeps on top of the pile.
3. I will continue to use every coffee cup in the house and leave them in my car.
4. I will continue to throw my papers and receipts in the laundry basket so they are all neatly in the same place.
5. I will check my mail at least twice a month so it isn't returned to the post office.
6. I will not go to the dentist. I would like to see what I look like toothless.
7. I will not eat healthy because I would much rather die from a heart attack than lung disease from smoking.
8. I will not go to the eye doctor so I can't renew my drivers lisence when it expires. Then I can't work and will have to take a vacation while waiting for new glasses.
9. I will worry constantly about what other people think about me so they have full control of my life and I can relax.
10. I will continue to isolate myself in my house so the kids can enjoy their imagination thinking I'm the witch like we thought the little old lady in the white corner house was when I was a kid.
 
Old 12-27-2002, 06:53 PM
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LMAO - That was verrrryy funny MG.
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Old 12-27-2002, 08:51 PM
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JT..Ya gotta love the Swiffer. Do you have the new kind with the spray? With 2 dogs and 3 kids, I can't imagine life without my swiffer.

I hope this works, it's worth a shot

1. I will not try to organize my life, what would I do with all the
time I spend trying to find things.
2. I will not over schedule my life and commit to too much
3. When my 2 yr old has been crying and throwing a tantrum for an hour I will give him whatever he wants so he will quiet down as not to wake the baby who finally fell asleep after crying all night teething.
4. I am going to make it my goal to buy more clothes, more shoes, more coats and more jewlery than anyone in his right mind should have that had to get a Radio Shack credit card to buy Christmas presents.
5. I am going to make sure that my first reaction is to yell and scream when my family is driving me crazy.
6. I am never going to the gym again
7. I am going to do everything to excess so I have to join a new recovery program every year.
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Old 12-28-2002, 07:26 AM
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What's a SWIFFER???? Ooooh, I want one. I resolve to obtain a SWIFFER, whatever it is, and look at it lovingly in it's original packaging all year.
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Old 12-28-2002, 07:52 AM
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I think I will not file any income tax returns this year - let 'em guess!!!

I will eat ice-cream on my corn flakes, just like I let my baby nephews do - it looks like fun.

I will buy one-size-fits-all panty hose, and eat until I prove them wrong.

I will tear those funny "Do Not Remove" tags off my mattress, pillows, and sofa....just to see what happens.

I will drink water out of the tap!!!! Straight up - no filters!!

I will build a duck pond in my backyard...whoooaa Nellie!!
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Old 12-28-2002, 07:56 AM
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Um... Ann?

An acquaintance of mine tried that thing with the tax forms. I wouldn't recommend it.

Now I want a duckpond, too! Can I borrow your back-hoe?
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Old 12-28-2002, 10:52 AM
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Swiffer...at Walmart under "S"...

Definition: Long handled sweeper with a flat rotating head upon which you attach soft disposable paper cloths (sold separately) and used like a dust mop on smooth surfaced floors.

Now the Swiffer Wet Jet is similar, however you attach a bottle of liquid (sold separately) and a different kind of cloth (also sold separately) and you squirt the liquid and mop at the same time.

The Swiffer REALLY picks stuff up...like Max's hair droppings. The wet jet I have never used. I have one in a box however.

Oh and guys?? Ward has access to large equipment and men who know how to use it. Do you really want a duckpond??

Hugs
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Old 12-28-2002, 12:05 PM
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Let's see,

1. I'm letting the gray grow out,
and buy some granny glasses. I might
as well look how I feel.
2. I'm going to think about changing
job careers until I'm 62.
3. I'm not going to the free therapist
I found-what issues?
4. I'm going to keep looking at all
my junk on the patio and drive my neighbors crazy.
5. I'm going to keep stressing about
the youngsters at work, and follow them
around to make sure they know what they
are doing. Like when they put a metal
teapot in the microwave and blow it up.
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Old 12-28-2002, 12:14 PM
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LOL - Josie

Watching the young 'uns at work!!!! Me too. We are too funny!! We take the "mom" in us everywhere. At my new office, they thought I was very "cool" until I was getting ready to go home on the subway, with my boots with soles like Goodyear tires and my hat from "that 70's show".
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Old 12-28-2002, 12:24 PM
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Well, I'm sitting here with my grey growing out because of lack of time and my granny glasses on.....hmmmm......a moment of clarity.
 
Old 12-28-2002, 01:47 PM
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New Year's Resolutions

You ladies are too funny with your New Year's Resolutions!! I loved them all and had a good laugh. What? You don't know what laugh is? That's when your son asks you to help finance a car but it's too late because the stray cat had to go to the vet's instead. At least the cat loves me and shows how grateful he is by "piddling on my foot."

Resolutions??? I'm going to have to give this some thought. I sure do like some of the ones you ladies posted already..I might have to adopt them.

MG: I wonder if we grew up in the same neighborhood, we also had a lady who lived in the white house on the corner that we thought was a witch! That's funny!

I never heard of a Swiffer either!

Happy New Year

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 12-28-2002, 03:05 PM
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LMAO!!

Ann I think you're allowed to take those tags off when you get home. and now I'm going to have cornflakes and icecream for dinner but I prefer conrnflakes on my icecream instead of the other way around.

SWIFFER cont'd

They also have wet cloths now that go right on the original swiffer, no spray. I find I don't use the dry ones very much but my dogs don't shed. I don't know what I would do if I added that problem to my life too. Of course they do everything else that's enough to drive you crazy. But my family loves them. I often wonder why I'm the only one that takes care of them however.

A duck pond, huh.....it could happen.
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Old 12-28-2002, 07:14 PM
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Resolutions

This is a fun one - Let me think...

1) I will let even more neighborhood kids come and go here at all hours of the night. I will develop a credit card specifically for use at grocery stores.
2) I will hand out my ATM card and the code as if it were candy.
3) I will buy stock in Budweiser.
4) I will go into my kid's bedroom and eat popcorn, fritos, and spill several sodas on the carpet. I will then look mystified if he complains about it.
5) I will "cruise the strip" untill all hours of the evening, and not tell anyone where I am. I will play showtunes at full volume while doing so.
6) I will throw all my garbage in my car, until there is only room for me in the driver's seat. I will make lame excuses about it when one of my kids wants a ride.
7) I will borrow their vehicle, and promise to have it back, then pull a no-call no-show.
8) I will shake the hand of and congratulate every woman my husband has ever cheated with.
9) I will start hanging out with his ex-wife and learn to become exactly like her.
10) When one of my employees has a pouting fit, and throws a mini-tantrum - I will jump up and down, stomp my feet and throw an even bigger one.
11) I will refuse to communicate with anyone, for any reason - and then be completely evasive when they question me about "what's up."
12) I will blame anyone and everyone else for my problems, including the mailman (mail woman?).
13) I will learn to love computer games, and will spend as many of my waking moments as I can playing them.
14) I will form a "duck" colony, and record "quacking symphonies" also to be played at full volume while cruising the strip.
15) I will raise my grandchild, and take full responsibility for her - that way, my daughter can just show up once and awhile and have all the fun.
16) If anyone in my family circle wakes up with an intense nightmare - I will yell at them and put them down.

Gosh, I could make a list a hundred miles long!!!!
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Old 12-28-2002, 10:38 PM
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You guy's are making me laugh!!!

1. I will ride my stationary bike daily while eating the bags of chocolate candy that I got for 25 cents each on the employee bargain special. Of course I bought alot!!

2. I will continue to spend at least an hour looking for my bills to pay and then end up having to use the wrong months coupon stub to pay the morgage. By the way, I have a filing cabinet.

3. I will stand on my head and NEVER count to ten when I am really mad.

4. I will never learn how to fix things around the house in case I want to beable to use them in the near distant future.

5. I will wait to hear HIM ask for where the clean cloths are all the time. I wash everyday but he always feels like he has to tell me to do it and let me know that he needs socks washed etc.


Writing down the opposite sounds more convincing to me!!

Happy New Year to all!!!
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