JessicaNAJ

I came to SR because I was looking for information on CoDependancy. When I first visited I connected with so many of those who were here. In a world where I felt so alone, I finally found others who lived and dealt with the same issues I had.

Little did I know that my problems stemmed from G's alcoholism. I just thought I was "messed in the head" so to speak. And I was. Because for many years I dealt with manipulation and guilt and head games and on and on and on. And little did I know that I was playing the same games with G. It was all I knew...If I manipulated I could get him to do things. I could guilt him to get him to try harder (for a minute) and I could play the head games....all of this to try to get him to be someone he wasn't, to try to get him to become the person I "knew" he could be, the person I wanted him to be.

I have found so much strength from everyone here at SoberRecovery. I have learned so much about myself. And it's because of SR I have been able to slowly beat my CoDe Tendancies....okaaaay...I'm still working on it. BUT I do know that I'm not "messed in the head". And I also know that G is a person just like I am and he's going to do what he wants, when he wants and there is nothing I can do about. I can either accept it or move on...but either way, I still have to take care of me.

SR has taught me to focus on me....because I have to count first.

I just thought it would be good to have a positive thread about SR. If I remember right, it was about a month ago there was some negativity and critisism and a thread - two threads - had to be shut down. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that is why we come here. Why come to a support thread to start issues with others here? We are here to support each other....JMO

This is not a bad Forum. And I'm sure many of you will agree....this forum has saved my sanity. So please...for all the newcomers and visitors out there, why do you come to SR and what has it done for you?

robina

I've learned that no matter how bad my troubles seem, there are people out there who are suffering more than me. I've learned to "give back", which makes me feel really good, because when I first came here I was hurting so bad I could only see my own pain.

I've learned that I am part of an online community of decent, kind, and open minded people, who have all been hurt by the disease of alcoholism. I am very glad, and thankful to be here.

Thanks

TexasGirl

This is fun!
I stumbled across SR when I Googled "leave alcoholic husband?" back in February. I must have read for hours! This is the first forum I've been involved with, and I am amazed by it! I never dreamed that valid relationships could be established online. I couldn't imagine people meeting over the net and marrying. Now, I completely understand. I care so much about what happens in all of your lives, and I really believe many of you also care about what's happening in mine. It's such a blessing to have a place where even the non-sensical can make at least a bit of sense.

Now you've got me all sentimental...

pmaslan

I found this site a little over a year ago.
I was a mess.
I was engaged to man that is an alcoholic, I didn't realize how incredibly sick he was
when I met him.
I lost sight of myself and my children. My focus was him. My focus was to control his drinking and his life. I forgot about my own and my childrens happiness.
I gave and spent more money than I should have. I paid all the bills bought food and lifes neccessary items. He bought booze and more booze to the tune of $4000.00 a month. It's expensive drinking in bars 7 days a week playing the hot shot to all the other drunks there. He seemed to have found purpose to his life that way.
After 15 months of ambulance trips to the ER and 3 attempts at outpatient and 1 close call to death I finally called it quits. That was May 10, 2005. I had to let go of the man I loved and of the future I thought we were to have. Had I not found this site I would still be riding in those ambulances, cruising the bar parking lots and dragging my drunken man home...daily.
I have since moved on by the grace of God, Al-anon, self discovery, and the understanding of all here at SR.
I am much happier, my children are much happier, they have resumed their former lives that never included an alcoholic. They never diserved to be subjected to that insanity. For that I am very sorry and I pour love out to them by the ton, I think they forgive me. Still trying to forgive myself.
I have made many changes in my life that are definate improvements. I am regaining most of what I lost and then some.
I think of my ex daily. I pray for him daily. I still love him but at a distance. I stayed with him as long as I physically and mentally could. If death was to take one I swore it wasn't going to be me.
Today, I wake up knowing that what ever happens to me I am better able to deal with it.
I know that I can only take care of myself and my children. I try to empathize with those that are still in pain and yes sometimes loss sight that it takes time to get to that "happy" place. Right now it seems so clear ..what is the right thing to do and what isn't.....but I would never have found that if I hadn't found SR.
Thanks again for giving me my life back.

equus

A place to scream, and laugh, and sometimes worry. I don't really have a big before and after story, but I know along the way I've lost count of the help or the things I've learned here.

It's a community and that's something I believe in because if human beings didn't need human being the solitary confinment wouldn't be one of the world's most popular tortures!! I'm not independent, to think so would be to kid myself, I honestly believe my learning depends on other's generosity and there's plenty of that here - I think we are interdependent.

I talk to friends in real life too and I'm blessed with GOOD friends but sometimes here can give something I can't expect from them - a place where others can KNOW how you feel. As part of a post about changing jobs I wrote that I wanted to ask D if he was going to 'stay' ok - a post or two later Susane said just 'I hear ya'. I don't think that would have the same meaning from people who haven't lived with this, I don't think it's the same.

So SR matters - most of all you put up with me while I ramble away while being paid not to do a damn thing!

somebodysfool

I came to SR while researching alcoholism needing some insight to understand what the h -e- double hockey sticks was going on in my house. The progressive disease seemed to have a growth spurt, like a 13 year old boy going through puberty. Anyway, I felt desperate. Titles of some of my first posts

• Heavy Heart
• I hate feeling this desperate
• On the Bright Side (he didn't come home but was safe)
• A terrible pit in my stomach

Then I started getting stronger(detaching from the disease)

• A little reassurance needed
• Should he stay or should he go now
• On the verge of giving up
• Need some insight

Then doubt creeps in

• Mass Confusion

But I get back on track

• I think you should move out
• Just go in peace

Now a new chapter: separation and recovery...

So the journey continues, I learn, read, talk, process, progress...I wrote a paper for my Rhet 101 class defining the concept of "Taking care of Yourself" my heart feels less heavy not yet weightless. But My husband has a chance, hope and choices that he didn't see before because his mind was clouded with drugs and alcohol. And I have a chance, hope and choices that I didn't see before because my mind was clouded with fear and insecurity. SR and all the other wonderful tools I have collected are priceless. And as I go I hope to pass on what I have learned. I good cycle to be in.

J

EndOfRoadWife

I came to SR an emotional wreck, basket case, looking for answers, knowledge..Cried all the time, felt sorry for myself every day...tried and tried to change him to be the person I married..Now, I'm stronger....I focus much more on myself now...This place is great!!!!!

kitkatii

My story of why I came to SR

I too in desperation did a Google. After some time of searching I found this site and it’s become my haven for my sanity. I have spent 30 years out of 34 trying everything under the sun to stop my AH from destroying himself along with his family. I have experienced every emotion there is. I was looking for help for my AH but found I was the one who I should be looking to help. I had no where to turn until this site. Even though most of the time I just sit and read everyone’s post I still feel like I have found friends. Caring friends, knowledgeable friends, ones who are open minded enough to help guide us through our craziest of times. For this I am thankful for.

___________
Beck

lojomama

I found SR because I got online to search for anabuse. I found a thread that had this subject in it. My first intent was to find out all I could about the drug, to see if it was an answer to the "AH Problem" (my brother's suggestion). I was at my wits end trying to figure out how to "fix" him. After coming here, I have found that I'm not quite as insane as I once thought. Here there are others just like me. Talk about coming home! My personality requires conversation, not just venting, and I get both here. This place has helped me to come to my senses, and I realize that his addiction is just that...His! I don't have to try to control it, even though at times I want to. I'm starting to see the person I was before Alcoholism reared it's ugly head into my life. And, although I don't feel a real strong closeness like some do here, I'm sure that over time I will. There are such loving, caring people here that I'm compelled to return. Many thanks & hugs to all!!!! PS...the "Friday" jargone also helps me to remember to laugh!

minnie

I came...for him
I stayed...for me
I stay...for me....and to pass on what was taught to me by those that had gone before.

Minx1969

I probably was still obsessing about him even though the relationship had been over for 7 months...I know I was still hurting.

I found people who understood me, a place to vent and get solutions..

I've gained friends and a place to share my experience, strength and hope..

InHzHnds

Hi,
I am new to this. I have called the al-anon 888 number, and cant seem to find a group near by, so am looking online. Dont know where else to turn.
I have read some of the posts from Doug, and I can relate to all of it. my husband is an alcoholic, and he has said over and over he needs help, but will not get it. I dont know if it is a pride thing, or what. In one post I read it said that how can you not get angry at the choises they make in drinking and putting themselves and others at risk? What they do affects other people, and it seems that just acting normal makes them think "whew, she's not mad, I got away with it" just seems to me that is telling them it is ok that they are risking their lives, and others. I dont know how to get past that. I had gone to al-anon meeting in anther state before we moved, and i don't know if it was me (probably) or what, but I didn't seem to get much out of it and can't find one where we are living now. I have even called the aa number in the phone book to see if they had info, and the only number they have and gave me was the 888 number i have called and gotten no responds. Am at a loss as what to do as far as meetings go. I looked on a few of the pages on the net, and same thing, just a link to the capital of the state and got nowhere. We have 3 boys, and one of them (9) is saying of other things "well, dad does it" so I am terrified that he will get into this because it was "ok for dad to do it". HELP!!!

renee18

I am came to SR in June of 2004. I came here because my dad is an alcoholic. I was looking for more suport and love. I have came to find love and encouragement on this site. Since being here I have come to se my eating issues and my depression and anxiety. This site has everything I need. I especially love the chat room when I have time to get on. SR has become a place for me to share what I have a hard time sharing with others. I found out that I am not alone here on this site and that people here do truelt understand what I am going through.

Love,
Shana

cwohio

i was looking for al-anon info after going thru one of the worst alcholhol withdrawal seizure incidents with my husband. i had reached my "bottom" so to speak. i started going to al-anon and posting on this thread about the same time. also started seeing a therapist. i knew i could not live the way i was living and wanted to seek new ways to cope/get better. i thought i knew so much about the disease - ha! this site and al-anon have made me realize i didn't know squat! i think, like many others, that just knowing and hearing that i wasn't alone was a big factor in staying in recovery.

tho the road has been very bumpy and extremely painful, especially with my husband losing his battle with the disease, i know i need to continue to learn about myself. i love my friends here and have learned so much from you all. i hope we can all continue to give AND receive ESH to each other.

princess9282001

I stumbled upon SR while doing a search for adult children of alcoholics. I needed to know that there was someone out there feeling the same thing that I was and dealing with the same issues in their lives. I did and I realized that I am not alone.

StandingStrong

I came to SR as a very angry woman. I was so very angry - but was determined to live a good life, an even better life without AH if that is what it took. I was on a mission to prove (to myself mostly) that I could do this!!
I've learned a lot through this board. But what keeps me coming back? Simply realizing that whether my ah drinks or not - his drinking has affected my life and my life is forever changed because of it. Trying to learn to deal with the inner turmoil that I face on a daily basis.

*Side note - I remember coming to this board and reading the posts. And then realizing that I had tears streaming down my face. I could have wrote the post that I had been reading - it was MY life! There is no feeling in the world like finally finding someone that "gets it". While my real life family and friends try - I believe that no one can truly understand until they've lived it. The members of this board have lived portions of my life, they "Get it", and because of that, I feel so understood. There just is no words to explain what that feeling is like after having felt so alone for so long.*

reader

I came to SR when I did a search looking for basic information. There u all were, It was as if God had answered my prayers. Instead of facts, I found friends who had walked in my shoes and I finally didn't feel so alone. I never have been able to turn to my family about my troubles and aside from that, most of my family has slowly died over the years. The two I have left are in Seattle and Vermont, so a visit means the big bucks for airline tickets. As Robina has said for those that have helped me I now enjoy being able to extended the hand of understanding to the "newbies". All I know is that it is a nice feeling when the veil of shame and darkness is lifted by those u understand and our further along in there recovery. Thanks SR!!!!

Numb

I am still new here, I only have posted once or twice. But I also came looking for a way to save my AH, but through you guys I have learned that I can't save him and only he can save himself. And that I am not alone, that there are people who have been through the same things I am going through and have made it. I feel so alone sometimes but this website and people has help me know that I can build up the strength and courage to leave when my time is right.

sadface

I too came across this forum while looking for information regarding meth and alcoholism about a year ago. My sega started about 2 years ago. When I came home and recieved, a call from someone telling me my husband was having an affair. Everybody knew including my family and no one told me. The floor beneath my feet disappeared. I was falling. I was a walking zombie that first year. My husband and I separated, got back together, and again separated in December (1 year ago). A month later he confessed to me he was using meth and had decided to quit. This is when I came across this forum. While I walking around like a zombie, I didn't understand why people kept telling me to take care of myself. I was not the one with the problem and I was not the one who had to change. While reading the posts here and Melody Beattie's books, I finally understood. Like the rest of you I thought I was crazy and I now I know I am not. Everytime I feel unsure, confused, and lonely. I can read posts and understand that is part of the process. Now I have a plan and I am taking the steps to get there. Every once in a while I look back, and I come here and read post. I feel the encouragement and that I have to go forward. A co-worker and firend that I could confide in was an alcoholic and I didn't know that. She died of alcohol poison. It hurt me deeply and I felt like she gave up. She didn't seek help. I dont want to give up.I love my husband and I miss him, but I don't want that old life. There is a better life. I have never lived it but I know it is out there. To the newbies; You are not crazy, we have lived it and felt it. The process is slow, but don't give up.

Bubblegum

I was searching the Internet, to find out Imformation about Alcoholism, and asked Questions, and helped me make a few decisions in my Life. If i had't found this site, i may have moved in with my AF.. i learned that , I can't fix it, i learned i was a Codependent. i was seeing him for three yrs, i found this sight about 3 or 4 months ago, maybe longer?? anyhow. this man does not want to change, and i realized, that i care for him, but can not live with him the way he is today... so i stopped calling him, and he stopped calling me. and if he does call.. I will tell him, that i'm not leaving him, i'm taking a break from his disease.but i wish him well. its hard, but i knew in my gut, it wasn't for me.. But this site really helped me out of the fog, and confusion. I am starting to Move on, take care of me, and not feeling guilty, that i am the one whos messed up. when its him. even though i'm not seeing him anymore. I still feel the need to read threads and post sometimes, and i have told a few people about this site, and how it made me see the Light!! thanks again