Crushed1

Hi,

I'm new here and have read alot so far. Maybe someone could shed some light on my situation. I'm confused, dazed, and crushed like I've never been.

Seven years ago, I was about to leave my gf because of her drinking. We hadn't had sex in six months, and boom.. it happened, and she got pregnant. I was terrified. I asked her if she would stop drinking. She had to for the baby's sake. She said yes, I proposed, the baby boy came, we got married, everything worked out!!

The next six years were bliss. A great couple everyone said. People would say "I wish we lived next door to you, we'd have a blast. While sober, my AW is such a blast to be with. The life of the party just with her great laugh alone. Then came another child, and more money (lots of it). We didn't spend much on ourselves but we sure bought a lot of cool toys for the kids. It was great. Life was good. I loved her to bits, and she returned my affections in buckets.

Then after the dot com bust, we strugled financially for three years. She stayed sober, without ever taking more than a glass or two with supper. But Economies recover and the last two years have been very good financially. Everyone's payed up (mostly, big tax bill coming, but nothing I can't handle in a year or two), and we were starting to come into spendable cash again.

Things were looking up, and we were starting to think about another child. Then a year ago, she started having three glasses of wine with dinner, soon it was a bottle. but only at the dinner table.

But in the last four months, she'd start to get angrier. Soon the person I was about to leave seven years ago appeared, and started to drink durring the day. I found the first hidden bottle by accident, and remembered finding a taxi reciept for a bottle of booze 7 years ago. The I started looking and panicing at the same time. I found LOTS of bottles. She was at it with both hands and sinking fast. I confronted her about hidden booze, asked her to quit for the kids. She said yes "i'll quit". But didn't of course. I confided in her best friend who knew she was drinking long ago. I was blinded. Her friend called her up and spoke to her about it, to see if she could help her with this. (her friend is a professional councelor!) That didn't work. So her friend came over and confronted her with another addiction councelor and her husband (who is also a trained addiction professtional). I got the best help right??? Wrong.

Well..., now my wife says I betrayed her, she hates me, is furious, hasn't even looked at me in a month, and wants a divorce. From a great life to a nuclear explosion within two months!! And our life is over! What happened!?

To make matters worse, our children have never even seen us argue one little bit, let alone them hearing their mother spew a violent barrage of profanity the way she did. Once she started screeming, the kids were terrified and came running to me. On on each leg. When my wife threatened me, the oldest ran to the bathroom and locked himself in. My god!! Doesn't she see what she's doing to the kids??!!

I don't know know why I just wrote all this down. Guess I'm just looking for the sanity I used to have.


Don't know what I'm going to do.

babynoles

Anyone who stands in their way becomes the enemy. They don't think about the children because they can't. You "outted" her and she's mad. There is no way of getting her help if she doesn't want to. Hopefully your kids are old enough to sit down and talk to. The way you describe them they know you are their security. The only thing you can do right now is protect them the best you know how. I hope she finds help. God Bless.

robina

hello Crushed:

It feels terrible to watch a loved one suffer from this disease. The family also suffers terribly. It is so painful to watch what is happening to our loved ones.

But there is help and hope. The first thing you need to do is understand that you didn't cause this, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. This is called the "Three c's" of Al-anon.

One thing that has been very, very healing for me is to attend 2-3 Al-anon meetings a week. I get tremendous support there from people who know what I am going through.

Another thing that will help is to learn as much as possible about the disease. There is a sticky here that I found very useful:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lic-42693.html


Keep coming back, Crushed.

Robin

12345678

hey there..

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am in a simular situation myself, But my partner knows he has a problem and has entered rehab. I know from my experience so far that there are many different stages of emotions. I dont think you betrayed your wife I think that you tried to help her. But the problem with someone who has an addiction is that only they can cure themselves. From what my partner tells me there is no cure for an addiction. It is an ongoing battle for the rest of their lives. Supporting an addict is what I am finding hard. Keep you head up high. Things will work out.

guyinNC

Hi Crushed,

Same thing happened to me. My beautiful wife destroyed our lives. The drinking, rehab, DWI, an affair.

It was too much. We are now separted and I have full custody of the kids. I had to do this for me and the children. My wife continues to spiral down...I hope she reaches her bottom.

Hope...yes there is hope. One thing I have finally learned is I am sick too. Codependent!! The cure detachment. I am not there yet....not even close. But I am working on it.

Draw your line in the sand...protect your kids and yourself.

meli2005

I am sorry everything seems like it is going downhill. But you have to do teh right thing for the family and you have. Don't feel bad about what you have done in ANY Way!! She is angry because you have confronted her, she does not want to give up alcohol.