Stressed out-need to detach-HOW???
 

Well, my alcoholic girlfriend called me a few minutes ago. She was in a cheerful mood. We talked about "what such an honest person she was". Generally she is I have to admit. She just doesn't tell the whole truth, especially about where she goes and boozes it up for 2 hours. The conversation went really well but for the past hour, I have felt incredibly stressed out.
I started creating these make-up fantasies. I weave these elaborate scenarios about how it's all going to be ok and she's finally going to see the light. I know this is stupid and I know I do it to myself. I feel so desperately lonely right now. I want to detach and be rid of her sometimes. WHY AM I DOING THIS OVER THIS GIRL????? I'm just in a dark place right now and really unhappy.

Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant?

Oh, I went through the same soul-searching questions, believe me. And it was the best thing I ever did. By going to al-anon and also having the most wonderful counsellor, I figured out why I felt I needed to save my ex and what I was running away from in my own life that meant that having someone else to focus on was so important.

Keep reading. Have you looked at all of the "sticky" or "power" posts at the top of the forum? And the nar-anon one too? Information will help you and reading also takes you out of that destructive thought pattern.

You can do this.

Rookknight65 - [QUOTE]You say you KNOW this is stupid?????

Yeah I know it's stupid dizzyj. It's like an addiction I guess. I just feel compelled to go back time and time again. I want to stop because the stress and drama is just too much. The good times are really great tho and when she's sober and things are calm and we're cuddling on the couch watching tv on a quiet night, it's almost heaven. I don't need much to make me happy and I don't think a sober GF is too much to ask.

It's not Rookknight...and don't settle for less.....you deserve better...

Loving Her is not a crime
 

I know where you are coming from. So hard to not want to rescue to rescue the one you love...even when they break your heart.

We know what we need to do, detach. Easy to say isn't it! Hard to do!!!!!

Rook:

Have you read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty? It talks specifically about all the fantasies we codies come up with in our minds and how they keep us from seeing the reality of a situation and from living in the moment. You might see a lot of your own behaviors described in her book. And it might help you to understand why you behave the way you do.

It was an eye opener for me.

Thanks former doormat, A lot of people have suggested this one to me in the last couple of weeks. Think I'll hit the bookstore and pick one up this week.

Call me FD, everybody else does.