pbac

I guess I am kind of naive...We have been dating one year (yesterday) We are not really together right now though...I came home twice this summer to find him drunk but he promised he wouldn't do it again...he broke up with me Sat. after Thanksgiving and told me he had been drinking this whole time...lying to me this whole time...I don't drink at all...I feel so foolish. NOw he wants to get back together but I am scared my parents don't want me to go back and I feel like I am being torn in so many different directions...He went in a detox place for a few days and now is out and is apparently doing well and going to meetings everyday...but he thinks it's not going to be a problem again...he has no desire to drink anymore...I'm very scared...any advice?

minnie

Welcome, pbac, you've found a great community here. It must be tough to have been hit with this information, but there are many of us here who understand.

What do YOU want to do? I know that it's hard to know that sometimes and I found that going to Al-anon and having counselling (as well as coming here) helped me remember that I had choices.

Personally, I would take things very slowly and let him prove to you through his actions that he is serious about his recovery. Alcoholics are very skilled at telling us what we want to hear and we must remember to go by what they do not what they say.

Hope you stick around and read lots. The sticky posts on here and on the nar-anon forum are very helpful.

Gabe

I'll second that.
Hey pbac, glad you found us.
All you can do at this point is to see where things go from here.
A lot of that will depend on what your boyfriend does.
Minnie is right, you do have choices.
This is about what you want.
He has no desire to drink anymore.
Well, that's great.
But let me just say that if I had a thousand dollars for every person who has come out of detox with that "cloud nine" feeling, I would be typing this from my oceanfront home in Aruba.
The best thing you can do is give this some time and see how things work out.

rookknight65

Hi pbac,
I'm glad i'm not the only one here in this situation too. Don't get me wrong it sucks for us both and I'm sorry your going thru this too. My girlfriend is an alcoholic. I've been waitting for her to realize it for nearly a year now. Last week I got her to go to an AA meeting. I think she did it just to make me happy. I don't see any real commitment to change yet.
I told her we have no future together as long as she continues to drink. At this point our relationship exists thru talking on the phone 2-3 times a day and maybe lunch once a week.
At this point I would say, "just be cautious". It looks really hopeful that he's going thru the motions but youir going to have to observe him practicing what he's learned. They got to "walk the walk, not just talk the talk". I still have a girlfriend in denial that she's an alcoholic. Get into An Al-Anon group. It's a lot of relief and everyones going thru the same thing over the people they love. Keep coming here too. I've been here about 2 weeks and the people are great. Good luck.