cupowater

This Christmas since I have been so involved in the alanon ways, I am starting to remember some feelings I had as a kid. Being all excited about Christmas, just to have my father giving me that MEAN stare of his, reducing me to nothingness (and sickness. I was sick EVERY Christmas seriously! I'm sure it was nerves ) Its that elated feeling of someone giving you something, and then SWIPING the joy away right after. Thats what my SO does! (Thats what "A's" do!) And now that I realize it, it just makes me mad! My SO makes more money then I do, and buys most of the Christmas presents. And you can just bet that he brings up what he bought me a couple of months after Christmas! He even brought up the fish tank I bought for HIM one year like I have it to enjoy myself!
I just remembered this morning, one Christmas eve when we were married, and the kids were little. He had gone to the neighbors house to "Party", I was at home trying to get all the gifts wrapped and ready. I ended up putting the kids to bed alone after helping them hang their stockings, and read "The Night Before Christmas" as was our tradition. Then waiting for him to come home so we could "play Santa". Well, as you can guess, I did that alone too. He was SO hungover the next morning, and I was so mad! I had forgotten all that till today! Funny how we forget these things.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent, and see if anyone else is going through it too.

Cynay

Funny that you brought this up... I was just thinking about this.

I actually had to get down on my knees and thank God for the gifts he has given me this year. Im happy, Im excited for Christmas for the first time in SO long... and there is peace in my life and a sense of well being. Mr. R is also a part of this of course and I know you are not supose to compare, but I have and there is no comparison between last year with my ex-abf and Mr. R.

Last year on December 6th I finally had to take off the blinders and have the talk with my ex... he had been sober a month and was treating my daughter and I like crap. It was that day he told me he did not love me and wanted out. Christmas last year did not even have a tree... I had put it up and had to take it down to move. I moved into our new apt 2 weeks before Christmas and things were still a mess. My daughter flew to see her father on Christmas day and I spent the next week bawling my eyes out. My ex-abf called me on Christmas to wish me well and hoped I was happy. He was 13 stepping (had been since he started AA) and was in high spirits... which just upset me more.

I will tell you this though.... If I knew then how great my life would become I would have been thanking God then too for doing for me what I could/would not do for myself. Never doubt his plan

Minx1969

This will be my second Xmas since I joined Alanon and it will be my second peaceful Xmas. (no fights! no drama!)

L will be on a boat with his family in Germany but we will celebrate when he gets back. I am actually looking forward to having some time alone..

Last year I spent Christmas Eve with friends and Christmas day too..

I'm sure I'll go over someone's house on Christmas day this year ...but honestly I'm not too worried or worked up over it..I like my alone time..

It is so nice to finally be with someone who doesn't make me cry!

brdlvr2

I was thinking about this today myself. The first Christmas with my xbf he was in jail, the second he was in rehab, last year I left my family gathering to spend the rest of the day with him only to find him very drunk on good ol vodka.This year? He had been sober for 6 weeks. Relapsed last week and still drinking, who knows where he is. I had thought that maybe THIS year would finally be our first good one together. But that was not to be. I am sad and angry as I know in my heart and head that I cannot take him back this time, but I plan on having a great Christmas with my family and pets. Not the drama of the past few years. I won't have to leave a fun atmosphere early this year only to once again be upset and disappointed.

cupowater

Wow, brdlvr2. When you are standing on the outside looking at someone elses story, it seems so clear. Like I look at what you just said, and I could wonder why you don't just leave him alone cause it is the same story year after year, but here I am doing the same thing! The marry go round never ends!

pmaslan

yes it does....you just have to get off of it first

minnie

Oh, Patty, that has given me a new signature line
"You can't stop the merry-go-round, you can only get off."

Thank you!

cwohio

last year my hubby didn't participate in Christmas activities, he was withdrawing. i am truly thankful this year for having a non-anxious holiday even tho it is a sad one. i can't imagine what it must be like to have to deal with children in a situation like this. yep - God is good!

susane1408

This is my first Christmas that I will spend with Phil, last years was the first in our relationship but he was working away and I didn't get to see him until the 12th of January.
I was afraid that we would not have this Christmas to share together, during the most severe parts of Phil's detox I feared that I would lose him ( a fear shared by the hospital staff)
I have not shared a Christmas with a partner for 25 years.
To wake up on Christmas morning with the man that I love totally and who loves me in return cannot be expressed in words, I am more excited than I ever was as a child.
Phil took his last drink on the way to detox on 18th of July and every day since has been a blessing.
Wishing Peace this Christmas to every-one

cwohio

((susane)) wamrs my heart to read your post!