robina

You're taking positive steps - going to meetings, obtaining books, etc...
That's really hopeful, Guy.

Robin

guyinNC

A Black Lab, male 13 weeks old! Unless I can find one a little younger...but definitely a lab.

splendra

Hey Boy Scout-Believe it or not it is loving to let them go and do their thing....cause our way do work at all...


I just love labs they are so sweet...

guyinNC

An Update: Poor Acoholic wife showed up Friday night back to where she was staying. Back from a week of drinking, running from her problems...I do not want to know what else. She was half out of her mind. She said she wanted help, wantd to come home.

Saturday, I took her to local hospital ER to see if we could get her in detox. Sat there all day. She was shaking, throwing up, thin. Doctor gave her and IV with fluids and viatamins, something for the shakes and nausea. She was not sick enough to be admited. Blood Profiles showed her liver was still O.K. I took her back to where she was staying. At least she is safe, not raped or murdered. Did not have an accident.

She says she wants help. Her parents are willing to fly her home for the holidays and help her find a rehab and or counseling. Hope she chooses to accept their help.

I'm sick too. Codependent, infected by her alcoholism. I know the cure. I have to detach. I'm ready to live again. I know now our marraige is over...the wife I knew is gone. I hardly recoginize that woman in the hospital. My wife is now this new person, transformed by the power of alcohol. I hope this new person, this ghost of my wife...finds her HP and is reborn.

Sadly, I have my doubts.....

ASpouse

So do her parents. I hope what they offer helps her. All too often I see just another unsuspecting family get dragged into the insanity. You might want to tell them to seek an al anon meeting or 2 or 3 before they offer their help. My feeling, it won't work. I know, I'm a downer, sorry!

ASpouse

Can I make a suggestion? I'm sorry! I'm a dog breeder and I never ever sell puppies to folks as Christmas Gifts.

Its way too hectic of a time to bring a new puppy home. My suggestion is to wait until after the holidays, do your research and find a good breeder near you who won't charge you half as much as a pet store will. Find training classes near you where the kids and you can go to train and have a training plan. PLEASE don't buy a dog for a Christmas gift! Too many of these dogs wind up in shelters and eventually euthanized.

Please wait and find the perfect dog for your family. Puppies DO NOT make good Christmas gifts, although they are cute and cuddly.

Sorry to "poop" on your idea ... I guess I take dog ownership and dog buying quite seriously. Please rethink this idea.

robina

Hopefully, the parents know enough about alcoholism not to ennable her further.

Robin

Jazzman

Quote:

Originally Posted by guyinNC

She was not sick enough to be admitted. Blood Profiles showed her liver was still O.K.

Curious... M checked into detox twice and never was she evaluated for the purpose of determining if she was "sick enough"... All they needed was the insurance information. What kind of hospitals do they have down there?!?!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

minnie

Curiosity abounds, Guy. I have a question too.
Did she say that in response to being asked "Do you want help?", or was it a spontaneous statement? I only ask because R said to me many a time that he wanted help, but only when I asked the question. Never did he come to me and say "Hon, I need help." He is still drinking.....

Zoey

A puppy would be wonderfull, but i agree with ASpouse, Give them a gift certicicate, and you all go and find a puppy that bonds with you.
Do they both want a Lab?
A lab needs lots of exercise. Are you all willing to walk and play?
I love all dogs, but wonder if a smaller one might be better, just asking??
Have you discussed and voted maybe??

ASpouse

Sometimes Jazz the insurance companies, depending on the criteria of admission have certain rules before they admit someone to rehab.

I told my husband to buy a pint of blackberry & down it before he went into ER so his blood levels would be up, he wanted to go so bad.

BTW, I have a dog here whose name is Jazz! I almost always write "JazziGirl" ... sorry! Before you ask me, I don't know if she likes Jazz music, I'll have to try!

Gabe

That is really sad.
Around here, the symptoms that GuyinNC's wife was exhibiting would have most assuredly gotten her admitted for a 72 hour ride in detox. From there, they work out a rehab scenario that meets with insurance coverage or find a rehab that will take those with no insurance. The last rehab my ex was in was 88% populated by people with no insurance. I don't see how people are supposed to get help if they are limited by what insurance will cover. Because most people who are at the stage of needing rehab have reached a point in their lives where they don't have the benefit of health insurance.

ASpouse

I know Gabe, but looking at the flip side, so many many many alcoholics/addicts will accept the 3 day free ride, get discharged and within a few months are right back in again.

My husband said in 3 week stay, he say many of the same faces every weekend! ... Sad.

Mr. Christian

Ok Guy,

It’s at the point here to do something or get off the pot.
Here is what I think.
If, that is if you can talk with her, would she ask for help?
Is she ready for rehab? AA?

I’m sorry detaching or stopping a person that is minutes away from death are two different things I do not care what anyone says here about that.
Let me ask you this.
If you would be able to get her to a safe place, rehab, half way house can you do this?
Then you can step away and let her work on it.
But be realistic here, letting a person, another human being “DIE” no matter who they are is not God like.

minnie

I think the ER may have taken over in this situation, don't you?

ASpouse

That's just it Mr. Christian, there is always another step to take, another thing to do for the Alcoholic/addict in your life. Your scenario just doesn't work! Think about it, has it worked for you in the past 18 months? You are still doing "one last thing" for the alcoholic in your life, when does it really become THE LAST THING the enabler will do? The answer "It doesn't" until we absolutely turn away and start taking care of ourselves and not others!

Guy's description of his wife is nothing I haven't seen or heard before. I lived it, you lived it and many if not all of us here on this forum have lived it.

You talk about "do something or get off the pot", but you haven't! It's not so easy is it? You know what's right, but you can't do it yourself. The reason why is because you've been following your advice for the past 18 months or less and it simply doesn't work your way!

Damn, where's that "Smoking Gun" when I need it!

Mr. Christian

Well I’m sorry Judy, I have I do not save her from what she is going though right now.
I would stop a death though.
I’m not a bitter person bent on punishing a person either.
You must learn forgiveness also Judy if you understand that at all.
Taking a person to rehab is not doing it for them, if they are too sick to go.
I’m sorry in my time in Alanon I have seen many people take their spouse to rehab and then it’s up to them.
Detaching is one thing vows under the Lord is another.
Does “In sickness and in health” mean anything to you?

You see I have done it, I work my program, I just do not go against my vows.

ASpouse

Oh Mr. Christian, I am forgiving. What I am not is a fool. My husband was as bad, if not worse than any alcoholic here.

He got himself into rehab, I did nothing. He begged me to take him, crying sobbing in tears that he really wanted help ... I refused. He was puking and seizuring on my kitchen floor and guess what, I walked past him with my kids (so they didn't have to watch their father), tossing him the phone to make a phone call to get help.

Guess, what? He got to rehab, he got well, he worked his program and still is, ALL ON HIS OWN! I don't own his problems, he does! I am not responsible for his problems, he is! I owed him "no help" at that time. It was his choice and his responsibility to deal with it or not!

We have a solid stable marriage today and I am HAPPY that I had nothing to do with his recovery for it wouldn't mean as much to him if he had help. It means more because he did it on his own.

Forgiving, you bet I am for if I wasn't we wouldn't be where we are today! I am proud of him and support him in his recovery and he owns it .... what a wonderful fabulous feeling that must be for him don't you think?

Ah, so many folks fall back on God and the Bible to justify their actions and feelings. The pastor of my church was a great mentor and supporter of us when we were going through this. I won't get into a religious debate, but I believe God was standing by me, supporting me in my feelings for my husband during our hard time.

Watching someone in alcohol withdrawl certainly looks like they are dying and need "saving" but I've seen death in my arms and I've never seen an alcoholic that close to death and I've seen quite a few.

Look I won't change your mind and I don't want to, but your advice to Guy is just prolonging a bad situation. His wife needs help, it is HER DECISION to find it, seek it out and get it. It's not that hard. As long as she can find a phone book, help is right there!

minnie

And don't forget, Mr C, Guy's wife has been to AA meetings. She knows where the help is and I am certain that people there will know more about getting into rehab than Guy ever will. She only has to ask. And if she doesn't want to ask, then she is not ready, imho.

Mr. Christian

Good point, but if she is too weak to do so, or is as bad as he said, then aleast a call to police may save her.
Then thy will get her to a safe place.