Lolo2005

My name is Lauren. I have had a friend for 3 years and she has been thru hell and back. She has always been doing self destructive things, but they were only mild so i didnt worry to much, and besides i was nearby so i could keep an eye on her. Well now i moved out of town and she has gotten way worse. No one cares about her and shes just letting go and doing anything she wants to, even stuff thats killing her. Shes drinking every night and all night. Expirmenting with drugs. HYaving mulitple sexual partnes a night and is now dating her mom ex who is 40 years older than her. She has been raped beaten cut drugged pregnant anorexic/bulimic and now shes putting herself at serious risk for STD's. she has so many problems that i dont know how to help with one without hurting another. im the only one that seems to care about ehr and give her support. please if you have any ideas on how i can help her or how i get her to get some serious help im open to all suggestions. thank you.

Lauren

ilovefabfour

Lauren,
You didn't say how old your friend is, so that could depend on what kind of help you could steer her toward. I'm glad that she has you for a friend. You will get help and support here for how to help her. Keep coming back.

rookknight65

Hi Lolo,
I'm sorry your friend is in such a bad place right now. I guess the important thing is to try to remain non-judgemental (even if you are a little). The woman I love is an alcoholic, and while it's easy to see some of the reasons why she drinks, it's harder for me to control. Lately i'm discovering it's impossible. That's incredibly frustrating!!!!! She used to be very promiscuous when we first met, in fact, we met on-line and had sex on our first date. She has a really bad self-esteem problem and still refers to herself as a "dirty ****", even though she's a beautiful girl. We broke up in April after her drinking got out of control but remain close, we love each other, and I still somehow believe in her.
Your friend seems to be seeking validation as a person through sex and probably thinks of herself as a "dirty ****" too. It's easier to just write other people off (and ourselves) as hopeless and worthless rather than getting to the reasons for why they feel the way they do. You're really courageous for sticking by her. Just don't get caught up in the drama and sacrifice your happiness like I have been doing for over a year now.
She needs a 12-step program and therapy. If she has any friends or family left like you that care enough, prehaps an intervention is in order by a group of people who love her. I wish you the best. I hate seeing women go thru stuff like this. Keep coming back. This site is really great.

Lolo2005

an intervention might work, but it would only be me, my fiance and my mother. none of her family cares anymore. im sowrry about your ex girlfriend. its just so hard to not get caught in the drama when you care for someone so much.

Lolo2005

thank you fabfour. btw, she 18. i dont know how to even get her into somewhere to get help becuase she sees nothing wrong with how shes living. and i dont have the funds to pay for a treatment center for her. its hard because im stuck in a place where all i can do is watch and hope.

FormerDoormat

Lolo, dear, if your friend says she sees nothing wrong with the way she's living, then she's not ready to get help. She's not ready to admit that she has problems, and nothing you can do or say will convince her she needs help. The best thing you can do for her is to keep on loving her, but turn her care over to God (or your higher power). Glad you found us.

robina

It's so sad for us to see our loved ones doing such damage to themselves. She is lucky to have you for a friend. When she finally decides to change her life and get help for herself, your friendship and support will be a great help for her. Addicts who have a support system have a better chance than those who don't.

However, you can't fix her, and you can't cure her. No amount of your love and caring will take away her self destructive behaviour. She needs to come to terms with that on her own.

Possibly, you could do ask around for information and resources which you can make available to her. (AA, treatment centers, counsellors, etc..) that way, at least you would know you tried.

Robin

flower

wow that is so similar to what im dealing with right now its not even funny- but i assure you deep down she probably really does see something wrong. my best friend is 20, and has drunk too much for as long as i can remember and self harms, for many many reasons. he was insistant that it was everyone else that had a problem with what he was doing but there wasnt anything wrong with it really. it took a lot of hard work and i spoke to him about it a lot but it took him to feel like it was pretty much rock bottom before he accepted he needed to change (rock bottom came in the form of threatening me for not giving alcohol). Now he is going to counselling and trying to stop drinking, but it is still really hard and he does occationally lapse back into thinking that how he drank was fine.
i guess my point is really that opinions do change, and the best you can really do is try and help them see this and be ready to help them when they do want it.