Now it really IS Friday!
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
After God created had Adam and Eve he was talking to the both of them one day about sex and mentioned that he only had two creations left in his bag of creations. Adam spoke up first and asked God what he had left. God replied, “The ability to write your name in the snow while you pee”. Adam said “I’ll take it!” and ran off playfully with his new ability. Eve said “What’s left?”. God replied, “Multiple orgasms”.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
hmmmm......wonder what jazz wants for Christmas!
kathy - you have to go to photobucket or imageshack - copy your picture and save it. then you can "find it on your harddrive and "host it" at one of the sites. you can then copy the html link.
www.photobucket.com is one link.
kathy - you have to go to photobucket or imageshack - copy your picture and save it. then you can "find it on your harddrive and "host it" at one of the sites. you can then copy the html link.
www.photobucket.com is one link.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lincolnshire, England
Posts: 464
A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
How many men does it take to change a roll of paper? We don't know. It has never happened.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones left over are handicapped.
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
How many men does it take to change a roll of paper? We don't know. It has never happened.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones left over are handicapped.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lincolnshire, England
Posts: 464
Men's secret language
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1. "I'M GOING FISHING":
Translated:I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
4. "UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST . . . I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."
10. "I DUNNO . . . I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE ROSES. . ."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
15. "I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse."
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.
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1. "I'M GOING FISHING":
Translated:I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
4. "UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST . . . I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."
10. "I DUNNO . . . I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE ROSES. . ."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
15. "I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse."
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.
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