post in wrong place!!
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 103
post in wrong place!!
I just posted to JoJo's post about life after living with an addict. Probably should have posted separately since JoJo's post was full of hope.!!!!!!! Sometimes you just post in the wrong place.......
Thanks again JoJo.
(my favorite guy, talk about hope)
Thanks again JoJo.
(my favorite guy, talk about hope)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 103
thanks
Thanks to all of you for your messages. I so appreciate it.
I have had a plan, actually, and have been working on it. But lately, since his sister was dying, he was a complete mess, and I have been unable to find a good job, things got so, so bad that I just shut down, went ino my own isolation...just so EXHAUSTED.
I have seen an attorney and can set things in motion at any time (except I need to pay his retainer!!!) I am not ready to leave until my plan is in better shape, which I have said about 100 times before. Lately I feel like that is just not going to happen the way it needs to for me to leave-- have some money behind me and able to be on my own. He is angry about money all the time so it is hard for me to save anything. On the other hand, I think it's quite possible that I will have to leave when I am not ready.
I am going away for a certificate program next week, to help me get a little more ahead in my career. DH is not happy because it is expensive. I hope it is worth it and will help me out. Being away from him will be good!
Thanks, and I will continue to come back here...
I have had a plan, actually, and have been working on it. But lately, since his sister was dying, he was a complete mess, and I have been unable to find a good job, things got so, so bad that I just shut down, went ino my own isolation...just so EXHAUSTED.
I have seen an attorney and can set things in motion at any time (except I need to pay his retainer!!!) I am not ready to leave until my plan is in better shape, which I have said about 100 times before. Lately I feel like that is just not going to happen the way it needs to for me to leave-- have some money behind me and able to be on my own. He is angry about money all the time so it is hard for me to save anything. On the other hand, I think it's quite possible that I will have to leave when I am not ready.
I am going away for a certificate program next week, to help me get a little more ahead in my career. DH is not happy because it is expensive. I hope it is worth it and will help me out. Being away from him will be good!
Thanks, and I will continue to come back here...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Idget
Of course, read the stickies at the top of the boards, and other threads here as well. Post here, ask questions, vent, etc. We're here for you, so in that respect you already have people in your life that 'do' understand.
There, does breaking it down in these suggested steps help make it seem a little bit more attainable?
And you really never are truly alone. There is your HP and you. You are you're greatest asset....you just don't realize it yet.
Hope to see you back here on a regular basis.
Yes, the steps help! I have been to counseling and it has helped, I think I just am completely overwhelmed now. Dealing with his adult kids (who are here now) always makes it even worse, because they support his drinking.
I'll be back!
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Rara -
I left when I was 57 without a pot to pee in!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did have a wonderful daughter who showed up to get me from 600 miles away to take me home with her. I lived with her family for 4 months until I got a place of my own. I was able to help out by watching my grandkids during the summer instead of them having to pay for daycare. It made me feel good to be able to help them as they were helping me. All I had was my income from social security disability. I had lost my home and just about everything else because of his drinking and my not being able to work. I am very fortunate because the city I live in has really decent HUD housing. I have gotten a job where I work 12 hours a week that helps with a few extras. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith that things will work out somehow. If you can stay with your parents for a while until you get your ducks in a row, why not? You could even be a help to them during that time. Maybe if you look at it that way, it will make it easier for you to stay with them because the would both reap the benefits of your being there. It might even make them feel good that they are able to be there for you. I truly think that so much depends on the attitude you have going into something new or different. You'll get where you want to be. I know you will.
Hugs, Jo
I left when I was 57 without a pot to pee in!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did have a wonderful daughter who showed up to get me from 600 miles away to take me home with her. I lived with her family for 4 months until I got a place of my own. I was able to help out by watching my grandkids during the summer instead of them having to pay for daycare. It made me feel good to be able to help them as they were helping me. All I had was my income from social security disability. I had lost my home and just about everything else because of his drinking and my not being able to work. I am very fortunate because the city I live in has really decent HUD housing. I have gotten a job where I work 12 hours a week that helps with a few extras. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith that things will work out somehow. If you can stay with your parents for a while until you get your ducks in a row, why not? You could even be a help to them during that time. Maybe if you look at it that way, it will make it easier for you to stay with them because the would both reap the benefits of your being there. It might even make them feel good that they are able to be there for you. I truly think that so much depends on the attitude you have going into something new or different. You'll get where you want to be. I know you will.
Hugs, Jo
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 103
Jo,
I didn't know your story...that must have taken such strength. I'm sorry that you lost so much before you left, emotionally as well as financially. My husband is pretty functional (well, that depends on who lives with him), so at least I haven't had to worry about losing the house...but I wouldn't even care if we did if he got sober and we had a chance for some kind of a normal life. I really wouldn't care.
You are lucky you had your daughter. I can see why it would have been gratifying for you to help her out also. While reading your post, I could almost feel the relief you must have felt and the gratitude for your grandchildren. That is a really good thought about living with my parents. It certainly may happen. I even set up the Internet there and bought something to make the old bed comfortable. I figure I just need a reading lamp and a rug in there and I'm set for the moment. I at least know I could go there if things get even worse (they will) or when I'm ready.
They know I am considering it, so it wouldn't be a shock. My Dad really likes my DH, and was actually crying when I told him what was going on, and I haven't done it since, I felt so awful. I just feel so selfish burdening them, but yes, I could be a help to them.
Thanks again for sharing, I really appreciate it very much.
I didn't know your story...that must have taken such strength. I'm sorry that you lost so much before you left, emotionally as well as financially. My husband is pretty functional (well, that depends on who lives with him), so at least I haven't had to worry about losing the house...but I wouldn't even care if we did if he got sober and we had a chance for some kind of a normal life. I really wouldn't care.
You are lucky you had your daughter. I can see why it would have been gratifying for you to help her out also. While reading your post, I could almost feel the relief you must have felt and the gratitude for your grandchildren. That is a really good thought about living with my parents. It certainly may happen. I even set up the Internet there and bought something to make the old bed comfortable. I figure I just need a reading lamp and a rug in there and I'm set for the moment. I at least know I could go there if things get even worse (they will) or when I'm ready.
They know I am considering it, so it wouldn't be a shock. My Dad really likes my DH, and was actually crying when I told him what was going on, and I haven't done it since, I felt so awful. I just feel so selfish burdening them, but yes, I could be a help to them.
Thanks again for sharing, I really appreciate it very much.
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