equus

Ok I didn't get back tomy post last night, and I would have taken the advice had I seen it but I didn't. I had a night of broken sleep and strange dreams, this time I hung on for no reason.

I don't know what I expected from today - an assessment, probably answers but then maybe that would be sloppy in the space of an hour.

Anyway D found it helpful and she'll see him again in a month. She suggested he has social anxiety (no sh!t Sherlock!!) and has given him some things to try like ordering activities into a list and doing one thing at a time, regular excercise and making sure he keeps getting out and about. D agreed with enthusiasm (still enthusiastic when he came out!).

If I was in her shoes I would do the same, one step a a time, no knee jerk reactions, no action without basics first, recording, thinking, making sure - caution.

But from my shoes it's another month with nothing new to try, it's like D doesn't remember how often we've covered this same ground, how many times he's said he needs to excercise, how often he does already make sure he stays going out or that it's often what's led to a drink. He's come away feeling he has really solid things to work on and told me the answer isn't out there, it's in him. I know most people here would kill to hear their loved ones say that but D has always blamed himself, always said it's his fault, his arrogance even at 7 yrs of age, his cowardice, his laziness, his fault. I don't feel any relief hearing him tell me the answer won't come from help out there.

I know she has to begin from the begining, I FEEL like we're just waiting another month. I'm back at work next week, I think lack of good sleep last night's making me feel worse but right now I feel a mess, upset and scared.

Jazzman

Well if D found it helpful then that's a good thing, right? I'm reminded of my 1st wife. At times we would discuss an issue at hand and she would ask my advice. I would offer what I thought to be good advice and she would discount it as rubbish immediately. She would then ask her Father the same question and his response would ALWAYS be the exact same as mine. She would hear it from her Father and say "Yes! That's exactly what I should do"...

Always puzzled me but some times it's not what you hear but who you hear it from... Maybe this is the case here, don't know.

minnie

Grrrr!!!! Skimming the surface, yet again. At least he's enthusiastic - it would be much worse were he not.

Has he ever tried something like MoodGym? Forgive me if I'm barking up the wrong tree, but it seems like many of his problems stem from distorted thinking and programmes like that gently expose those thoughts and helps you replace them with more appropriate ones. He is right - the answers are mainly within him.

I totally understand why you feel how you do. Just remember that you have a number to call now if things go pear-shaped. And you always have us here to vent to.

equus

I know what you mean. Excercise and going out have been his suggestions - a few of the hundreds to 'sort himself out'. The going out bit he does, he's always taken that seriously and even if it's just two minutes up the road he makes himself go somewhere everyday (VERY few exceptions). The excercise bit more often winds up being another thing he slates himself for, his fault he isn't doing enough, his fault he's unfit, weak and onand on it goes! I encourage him but I don't try and force it at all, sometimes a suggestion works, sometimes it doesn't - when I'm not around to go with I don't think he's ever gone for excercise alone. The few times he's walked anywhere far have been when he's been euphoric, telling me everythings ok now and he winds up in a pub.

It IS a good thing he found it helpful - it's ME that's got my knickers in a twist. I want them to know what they don't know until they know!!

equus

D does have access to CBT sites but doesn't use them much - he does a bit. I forgot the best news is he's agreed to go on an anxiety managment course in Jan!! I was really pleased about that and SURPRISED but he's said he'll try anything to get that under control.

On the one hand I feel like it's been left to us again, on the other hand I think maybe she needs to see what happens with the basics first - caution. It's another new person and especially with D things take a while, lord knows he's still surprising the b-jzus out of me!! It will take time, it's someone new, D is a bit of a one off and I need more flippin' patience!!

This place rocks - I feel better already.

minnie

I know it seems like it's been left to you again and in some ways it has. But as you say, D doesn't always use the tools that are available e.g. the CBT sites. No-one is going to do the groundwork for him. I hope he sticks with the "I'll try anything" attitude - that is what is going to get him through this.

Glad you feel better - it helps to get it all out, doesn't it?

bahookie

Hey,
You know you're right though, don't you? Maybe the wrong answers would be found in just an hour.
Is this person sticking around now?

j
xxx

equus

This is the assessment process - 9 out of 10 people are then either dropped or refered on, she does continue to see some but very few. This is the begining of documenting a pile of loose ends and I do see why it isn't instant, even though I want it to be.

I get in a knot with this sometimes, I can go from feeling like he's not doing anything to realising just how many things he has done for the first time ever - and he can still surprise me. One thing I try to keep seperate in my mind is what websites can offer 'vs' structured assessment and treatment. I think the webmasters of reputable sites would all agree they're not meant as replacements for qualified help.

Sometimes I can forget that and think all the answers are there and blame D, while forgetting he's asked and asked for the support those sites would recommend and not got it YET! He does use the sites but sometimes finds they make him feel worse, like he's failed even more. When I'm angry what he hasn't done and what I think he should do springs to mind but when I stand back it looks different and I end up knowing he wouldn't have gone this far or got this far if he wasn't trying. Does that make sense?

Personally I think the sites are great and work best when proper face to face help is available and we're not there yet.

gelfling

sigh