JessicaNAJ

....wants me to make a list of why I'm choosing to stay married.
I honestly can't think of anything other than....hoping for a miracle.

Then she wants me to writing a list of why I want to divorce.
There is no reason there either.


Can anyone here help me get started?

I've been stuck in this same situation for a while. She asked me what was different now than the last time I saw her (4 months ago). NOTHING has changed.

Jazzman

You just wrote a list. What's wrong with discussing this list with your counselor? And don't forget to mention the nothing has changed part...

dreamcatcher

The problem your counsoler needs to address is that you are STUCK. Sometimes we get stuck. Either way we go we hit a brick wall so we stay stuck.
Stuck is safe, can't make any bad decisions if we make none at all.
Sometimes stuck give our minds time to refuel.
Before considering jumping out of the hole we look at our options, way the pros and cons. Make good decisions that YOU can support and hold up to. It is all very overwhelming and sometimes it is easier to stay stuck.
Work on what the real issue is that is keeping you stuck. That would be a start.

JessicaNAJ

That's the whole problem. I don't know what is keeping me stuck. She told me to do a pros and cons list. I told her the list would be the same. We've been seperated for more than a year and half.

Thank you Jazz.....I did tell her the "nothing has changed" part. That is when she told me to meditate (yeah right) and to try to come up with a list.

hmph...... I don't know!!!!

Pick-a-name

Maybe you just aren't ready to make a decsion. When the time is right, I think you will know. Don't allow any one else to push you. JMHO

osier59

Jessica,

You're a mom, right? Here's a different approach. Make a list of good qualities you want for your child's partner. Write about what type of marriage you want for your child.

Perhaps that will get you started.

My "aha" moment came when I realized that my young sons were learning how to treat their wives by watching how their father treated me.

Good luck with your writing.

Hugs
Barb

Minx1969

Jessica,

what about fears? Are you afraid of being alone (so you stay)? Are you afraid of not having enough money (so you stay)?

What does a good relationship look like to you? What are your needs (you may want to pick up Dr. Phil's relationship rescue..He has a good section on needs..that may help you sort it out..

Good luck.

minx

Cynay

I know how you feel about being stuck... I like Osier idea.

Ok... so you dont have answers, that is ok too. Sometimes we are just processing is all. Maybe instead of a pro and con list.... try a wish list.

If you could have prince charming ... how would that relationship look. Once you take the focus off that relationship and just work on what you want... then you can put him back in and see if there is any hope. If not, well I would start thinking about "making" your miricals happen.

reader

I know as I have gotten older want I want out of a relationship has changed. Things like doing the dishes and taking one of the kids to the doctors has replaced romance. I tell my h that he is the sexiest with the vaccumn in his hand. My first longterm relationship was just the fire & ice type. Live and learn I guess. Maybe you could write down some basic stuff to get started like the household responsibilities you expect from someone. Childcare basics stuff like that. Than try to move on to the more complex ideas. Just a thought, it is kinda like writers block once the flood gates open they may be hard to stop. Get writing! Love, Kerry

JessicaNAJ

Thank you for the great ideas to get me started!!!!

I will keep you all posted...of course