Need coaching/Input (serious)
 

I need some coaching here... My two step sons play football and I was very much involved in all their games and headed up the list of "one of their biggest fans" for 5 years. Did all the driving to and from practice and made sure they got to all the games and functions on time, with all their gear, etc.. Since they moved out of my home last summer, I have not attended one of their games. This is killing me because they always ask me if I'm going to come see them play.

Here's the deal, their Father, (who I refer to as my ex-husband) was ONE of the "other men" for a time last fall and for all I know, more than that, (which is more than likely). I harbor much resentment for him and don't really consider him a man of character or anyone I really care to socialize with in any way, shape or form. I have had to deal w/ him for brief periods recently in efforts to maintain a relationship between myself, my children and my stepchildren post separation and divorce. I also harbor much resentment because a great deal of his blatantly manipulative and meddling attempts at sabotage during my marriage w/ M caused enough damage to any hopes of a civil relationship between he and I. We basically "barely tolerate" each others presence for the sake of the kids. There's MUCH more to tell but you get the point.

My two stepsons are playing in their last game of the season tomorrow and me Ex Husband just called to invite youngest son and myself. I am not at all thrilled about the prospect of hangin out w/ my ex-husband on the side lines for 3 hours. But I also am torn about disappointing my stepsons and being a no show. My ex-husband didn’t invite me because he wants me there, he called because the kids are trying every angle to get me to come.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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What should I do?<o:p></o:p>

Go.

I know you can rise above it and it would mean so much to the boys. And to you too.

Go create some good memories.

Agree..Go...

Say some resentment prayers first..but go..

Jazz, first let me convey my sympathies for having to be in the presence of the manipulative, sabotaging ex. You are made of sturdy stuff if you can pull that off with some modicum of grace.
My vote? Go.
As a friend of mine would say...
he is inconsequential.

I would go.....but I would sit somewhere else if at all possible, he will get the hint....
( I would hope so anyway...)

I vote Go

One day those Step kids will be grown up and will be able to have a relationship with you without the ex-H being in the picture....... Your better then that, so go build those relationships.

I agree. GO You can do it. I would find an excuse to sit elsewhere also.
HUGS

Go and do not sit with the ex.
Taake a camera too! :18:

Aye!!! You know it will tickle the boys and that's what matters. Your ex be damned. Ignore the sorry piece of kaka and focus on them. I agree with Cynay...the relationships you build will last a lifetime. They'll also mature and will eventually see their old man for who and what he really is.

And have an amazing time.

Blessings

P.S. Have you considered trying to have some sort of relationship with the guys eventhough they live elsewhere? Invite them out for pizza. Take them to your place to watch movies or play video games. They played an important role in your life for 5 years. Don't let that go.

K

jazz - you have built a relationship with them and they obviously love and respect you if they begged to have you there. you know how to detach buddy - if you go it will be something they always remember, but if you don't it might be something you and they never forget!

i agree - take a camera and we want to see pics!

Guess you missed that thread too... LOL! We're very close and get together for pizza, texas hold-em and WAY too may sodas. The oldest drives and we hook up a couple times a month.

I'm going. Think I'll guilt my bro-in law into coming too, that will help greatly. Thanks guys, just need the "shove".

But you know... that ex husband of mine!!!!!!
Bastard!

what do YOU think Jazzman?

Excellent decision! And a good idea to bring someone as a buffer.

Have a great time.

J

Story of my life. A day late a dollar short.

Well - good ol' Dalai Lama reckons your enemies should be celebrated as the best teachers of tolerance and compassion!!

I reckon the step kids and you have your own relationshp and from what you've said that matters more than tempory discomfort around someone who's perhaps not that pleasant.

You mean Bastard?

"Let go of resentment"
*whack*
"Let go of resentment"
*whack*

The Dalai Lama says these people are the best teachers of compassion and tolerance.
He doesn't say we have to like them.
Nope, he sure doesn't.
You can be compassionate and tolerant while having
:skillet
fantasies.
I said so.

hehehehehehe..... No hitting!! :wiggle: