My AP and Others I am sure

Old 11-10-2005, 11:16 PM
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Angry My AP and Others I am sure

Just thought that I would post an incident that happened last week that I have been doing some thinking about. And see if my problem might be shared by others.

Here is what happened. My AP and I were on our way out of town to work and he was drinking. Which I hate to let him drink while I am the driver but had no real choice in the matter because we had to make the trip. He refused to go if I didnt allow him to drink. So I gave in. We have been having some bad problems relationship wise and have been working on them. He suddenly decided he wanted to tell me off out of the blue. This was well over half through the 4 hour drive. He asked me if I wanted to stay together and I said yes which is what I thought that he wanted. Well he proceeded to start calling me names and saying that there was no way in He-- that he wanted to be with a stupid idiot like me and even went so far as to spit on me. I took it for a while but finally gave in and yelled back. Needless to say the next few hours were miseable. I almost turned around and came home. But I didnt needed the work. Well that is the first part of this. Now comes the second part of it the one that has had me thinking and wondering how common this is.

Two days later we were home and I decided to say something about what had happened. And I told him that I didnt appreciate what he had said and done. Well his response to this is what has got me thinking...He said that it wasnt him talking it was the alcohol and that it had made him say those things and that I shouldnt believe them and let them go. Well I tried to do this and got to thinking that when someone is drunk they are more prone to say what they mean.

I think that its wrong that I am supposed to forget what was said and over look it. Especially when if it was the other way around and I said something out of anger, which I have done and said things that I didnt really mean only to regret them and say I am sorry afterwards and say that I was just angry. He wants me to overlook his words but he will refuse to overlook mine and throw them up every chance that he gets. I know that I am wrong for letting myself say things I do not mean but I should get the same overlooking as he expects from me. But oh yeah i forgot it was not him saying them it was the beer and that makes it Null and Void he didnt say them. This is a big issue with me and I am sure that its not one that I have a patent on.

Well I have rambled on again thanks for the space for me to this in your daily life.

It will all work out one way or another I guess.

Thanks
Rick
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Old 11-10-2005, 11:38 PM
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The underlaying issues inside (emotional,pain,hurt,pride,selfesteem), plus the drink, the lashing out is what you see.

Put up with it or set boundaries and hold to them.
Your boundary could have been...you drink, you stay behind. That was a choice...You made.
You can be in control of your own life and what you allow into your life.

As far as what gets said when alcohol is added... yes that is the alcohol talking. We would say things we may never say out loud with alcohol as our guide.
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Old 11-11-2005, 05:00 AM
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One word.........alcoholism.

Been there; know the feeling (UGH; so frustrating,etc,etc) .........guess that is why we can't pay attention to them and their responses; there is no rhyme or reason to what they think,say or do...it's a crap shoot they don't know or understand,either. They are under the influence of chemicals. If we do; we are under the influence of them while they are under the influence of chemicals.............
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:29 AM
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Hi Ricky...welcome to SR.

Please consider alanon meetings in your area. Get help for yourself and learn that the behavior is unacceptable. At alanon, you'll get an indepth education about the disease. There's lots of free literature too.

Blessings
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Ricky583
I think that its wrong that I am supposed to forget what was said and over look it. Especially when if it was the other way around and I said something out of anger, which I have done and said things that I didnt really mean only to regret them and say I am sorry afterwards and say that I was just angry. He wants me to overlook his words but he will refuse to overlook mine and throw them up every chance that he gets.
Been there soooooo many times. No, it's not fair, not fair at all. I'm just starting to be able to define my boundaries and voice them, it's taken me quite a while! (ok, let's be honest, a couple of years) It's also taken me a long while to realise that my place in life is not to listen to the rubbish that's chucked at me regularly.
I just wanted you to know that there are ways of dealing with this, and they are ways that make you feel a whole lot better, no matter what's going on.
I'm not a member of Alanon, but I come here, read their literature and take what I like. Have you tried Alanon? It might be for you and won't hurt!

Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
One word.........alcoholism.

Been there; know the feeling (UGH; so frustrating,etc,etc) .........guess that is why we can't pay attention to them and their responses; there is no rhyme or reason to what they think,say or do...it's a crap shoot they don't know or understand,either. They are under the influence of chemicals. If we do; we are under the influence of them while they are under the influence of chemicals.............
Yip! But I would add that an alcoholic brain doesn't necessarily need the chemicals to behave this way; even free of them the behaviours remain unless they are working a programme.
Until my partner does (if she does) I've learned that it's up to me to change the way I react to her, not get dragged in and see if I want to live like this.

As a wee aside, personally I'd have turned round and found a train station or bus stop at which to leave them.



Jane
xxxx
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