smilingeyes

I don't post often, so here's a short synopsis. My sister is the alcoholic in my life and she has a three year old son. She's a single mom, so her ability to take care of the baby has always been a concern for me, and child protective services was involved last year. I tend to get called in by a family friend to watch the little one when my sister has been drinking, and I always go.

I thought I was doing okay, detaching, living my own life - I had even moved to a new house which is 45 minutes away [I used to live only 5 minutes away]. My sister was upset at my move, and went into inpatient rehab the week I moved. She only stayed a week but then she started going regularly to AA meetings, and things seemed to be going great. I saw her this past weekend and we spent the day with the baby. I guess I was kidding myself, but it felt like 'old times.' I even thought to myself, "well, it took my moving away but at least she got sober."

I just got "the call" from the family friend and it seems that my sister "slipped" after being sober exactly 30 days. I understand how difficult it is to get sober - I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, sober over 16 years. I know I relapsed after being sober for a year, way back when.

But I guess I thought that inpatient rehab would have made THE difference in my sister's drinking. I was so hurt and angry at her timing, because it added a lot of stress to me, watching the baby and trying to move. I got over it though, because I figured 'that's what it took to get her sober.'

Now I feel like there's no hope, that I'm going back to the insanity, and I'm powerless. I don't know what to do. It was only reading all the different threads on Sober Recovery that helped me realize how co-dependent I was, and that's what gave me the strength to move. I do feel a little guilty [actually, a lot guilty] about having moved, almost as if I had 'desserted' her. And I can't believe how foolish I was to think anything had changed, after her short rehab.

I don't even know what I'm asking, but I believe that somehow my higher power wanted me to write this. Thank you.

Minx1969

hi Smilingeyes and welcome!

First of all..congratulations on your 16 years of sobriety. what a great model you are for your sister..should she chose to get sober..

Have you thought about going to a few Alanon meetings? They are great with helping us deal with our codependency?

keep posting!

Minx

FriendofBill

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

You are affected by someone elses drinking, this is where I find help and hope.

And there IS help........and always hope. Give her credit for the 30 days sober!

cloudy

Hi :-) Yeah, rehab is sometimes THE difference for some, but not everybody by any means, and especially the first time. Sure would be nice to know WHAT the heck it was exactly. You can bet it'd be on every infomercial across the world and well I'd be picking up the phone. Way to go on your 16 years, that is really great. You love your sister, and you want your nephew to be ok - that is only natural. You didn't desert anyone. I think best thing to do is definitely take care of you and offer support but no crutches. Easier said than done but definitely Alanon is a good place to start and Alanon is full of double winners because EVERYone is affected. The taking care of you, it's still about love and that's where you're coming from so give it a try and keep writing here too

love cloudy

grateful2bsober

Remember you ARE powerless over people and whether you moved or didn't your sister will not get clean until she' ready and wiiling. Do not feel guilty for living your life, just continue to support her, but from AFAR!And there is always hope! but whether you believe it or not you've always been powerless over the decisions your sis makes.Whether you chose to go back into "insanity" is on you. And I don't believe you are foolish for thinkin anything was different because it was(for a bit) your sister was able to put 30 days together and that in itself is a miracle! Just bcuz she relapsed doesn't mean that you should give up on her, I bet she has a little taste of recovery and someday will try to get it back.DON'T GIVE UP?THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE!!!

reader

Hi, Just a thought, would your sister let u raise her son until she got sober. Since she is a single mom, I would be worried about his safety. I don't know how bad the situation with your nephew is but as an aunt I would be concerned. Especially, since child protective services have been involved. I truely hope for your sister and her son she is able to maintain soberity. Keep coming back & prayers to you all! Kerry

smilingeyes

Thank you all for your responses. I went over last night and saw her and my nephew. I asked her if she had been drinking and she said no, that she didn't know what the problem was with the family friend who thought she had been drinking. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but later I saw a half finished case of beer and I found a receipt that she had bought the beer that very morning. I left her house very early this morning to come to work, and didn't speak to her.

I feel like I have nothing left to say. As most of us can attest, I have tried anger, understanding, silence, yelling -- all the reactions that people have when someone they love is an alcoholic. And as most of us can attest, nothing changes. I feel I should know better -- trying the same thing, and expecting a different result. No wonder I feel like my heart is breaking.

I will try Al-Anon again in my new neighborhood. When I lived only 5 minutes away, I was worried that someone might know me or my sister. Sometimes I feel so ashamed.

Thank you again.

cloudy

I understand your concern there, but remember if someone is there, they are there for the same reason. Confidentiality is very important to AA and Alanon. If anyone ever would break it, look out! Take care of you

((hugs))