Does he REALLY want to quit?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
Does he REALLY want to quit?
My ah came over this weekend to see the kids and we actually had a nice weekend. He was shaking so bad from withdrawl. It's so hard because I want to feel sorry for him but since he doesn't care about himself I feel it's a waste of my time to care about him. He used to be so handsome and funny and I loved how intelligent he was. He looks worse and worse every time I see him. His face is a yellowish red color, his eyes were blood shot from being so worn out. His joints ache, he didn't want to smile because he lost a front tooth (biting into something hard) He looks really bad. The wierd part is he KNOWS it, he hates drinking, he hates that he's not with his kids, he hates he's not with me. He hates the life he's living. He says he wants to quit so bad. If he wants it so bad WHY doesn't he try everything? I have learned to live healthy and me and the kids are happy. I'm not sure what my feelings are for him. I have felt so many. Right now I feel sorry for him just as one human being to another. How can you look yourself in the mirror and not say "oh my god, what in the hell happend to me?" Wouldn't you weigh it out....drinking, your looks are gone, your health is fading and you get temporary escape.....or......you learn to live a different non drinking lifestyle and have your kids and wife back, you don't have to lie anymore, you don't have to sneek drinks, you will finally have energy and strength. I don't get what I'm feeling, I know I can not help him and I hate him every time he drinks but do you all feel sorry for you ah? I want to love him again and I hear sincerity in his voice but I will not wait for him. He is on the very edge of losing everything he's ever loved. Excluding the bottle. I am so sad that I have to walk away from him soon. Support me please. I don't know exactly what I am asking. I'm confused again.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 9
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he is really good at being the victim, and you have been put in the role of always feeling sorry for him because he "can't" escape his alcoholism, when truth is, he can. He can, and he must if he wants to survive.
I personally would find it too painful to look at someone ruining themselves so terribly, and would have to consider setting a limit about spending time with an ex ah, no matter how much I loved him, until he could show some signs that he was on the road to recovery, or the road to looking into recovery, or something. Otherwise, his visits would seem to me to put a terrible burden on you. No wonder you feel confused. You deserve more peace in your life, and so do your kids.
Just my opinion, no expertise here.
I personally would find it too painful to look at someone ruining themselves so terribly, and would have to consider setting a limit about spending time with an ex ah, no matter how much I loved him, until he could show some signs that he was on the road to recovery, or the road to looking into recovery, or something. Otherwise, his visits would seem to me to put a terrible burden on you. No wonder you feel confused. You deserve more peace in your life, and so do your kids.
Just my opinion, no expertise here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: EAFB
Posts: 1
I understand what you are saying, love is a funny thing. Alcoholics make it so easy for us to feel sorry for them, they use our love as a weapon. There are some days that everything feels like it will turn out alright, then reality hits. I have yet to find the courrage to walk away. I understand and know what you are feeling. You and your children will be in my prayers.
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Alcoholism is a devastating disease. Part of him desperately wants to quit, but the disease has a terrible hold over him. Alcoholics clearly see that their lives are being ruined, and yet they continue drinking. That's why they call the disease "cunning, baffling, and powerful".
I don't have any answers. And I'm not making excuses for alcoholic behavior. All I do is try to work my program while this disease does terrible damage to my loved ones. I'm starting to believe that the only hope for the alcoholics we love is to let go, stop enabling, and allow them to find their bottom. This is very painful for us, but it may be the only chance the alcoholic has to find recovery.
Love and blessings
Robin
I don't have any answers. And I'm not making excuses for alcoholic behavior. All I do is try to work my program while this disease does terrible damage to my loved ones. I'm starting to believe that the only hope for the alcoholics we love is to let go, stop enabling, and allow them to find their bottom. This is very painful for us, but it may be the only chance the alcoholic has to find recovery.
Love and blessings
Robin
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I know its really hard, but heres my thoughts.
Does he really want to quit?
Doesn't matter as much as whether or not YOU want to be happy and sane.
Why doesnt he try everything?
He is sick and everything to an alcoholic means, everything but recovering.
Take care of yourself, please dont let me run you off..
Does he really want to quit?
Doesn't matter as much as whether or not YOU want to be happy and sane.
Why doesnt he try everything?
He is sick and everything to an alcoholic means, everything but recovering.
Take care of yourself, please dont let me run you off..
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