How do we find ourselves again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Buffalo,WV
Posts: 47
How do we find ourselves again?
How do we find ourselves again after being involved with a alcholic boyfriend. I am in the process of ending the relationship...for good I think this time. Although I really think he isn't drinking...I'm to the point I can't take the when is the next time. I'm really trying to think things through as to what I really want. I'm having a hard time finding myself through all this. I guess in some ways I want to hang on to the relationship so as not to be alone...and then I think alone is better sometimes. I always thought I was a strong person until now, I feel so weak now. I was always a happy person..and I got to thinking...when was the last time I was really happy? I don't like the changes this relationship have brought to me. How do I get myself back? Is it possible and keep him in my life or will I always be lost with him in my life. I know I have read so many times how selfish alcholics seem to always be....how you are always put last behind drinking....is there any hope?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
you know what did it for me? the only time he was committed was truly to the bottle, the joint, the yelling or the porn. he really never truly figured me into the picture unless he was hurting or busted from being an ass.
i look back now.. i was the one who was there when he had his knee replacement. he was there for the bottle when he found out that vicodin works great with vodka.. i was there when he was sick... the porn was there when i was at work.. i was there when he was lonely... and the joint was there when he was "in the mood".
call it hindsight..but its funny...now i see clearer that he was never there for me. although he would say he was.. when it came right down to it.. he wasnt. when i was mourning.. he wasnt there.. the bottle was. when i was angry..he wasnt there... but his joint was in the garage... when i was tired from working all day.. he was only too happy to go online instead of listening.
i guess we each get to that point where we may love who this person could have become.. or who they once were.. but reality is.. they choose to be sick.. if they have the knowledge of recovery and choose not to... then... all we can choose is to walk away and be happy. especially if there is no tangling alliances such as a marriage or kids.
quietsins
i look back now.. i was the one who was there when he had his knee replacement. he was there for the bottle when he found out that vicodin works great with vodka.. i was there when he was sick... the porn was there when i was at work.. i was there when he was lonely... and the joint was there when he was "in the mood".
call it hindsight..but its funny...now i see clearer that he was never there for me. although he would say he was.. when it came right down to it.. he wasnt. when i was mourning.. he wasnt there.. the bottle was. when i was angry..he wasnt there... but his joint was in the garage... when i was tired from working all day.. he was only too happy to go online instead of listening.
i guess we each get to that point where we may love who this person could have become.. or who they once were.. but reality is.. they choose to be sick.. if they have the knowledge of recovery and choose not to... then... all we can choose is to walk away and be happy. especially if there is no tangling alliances such as a marriage or kids.
quietsins
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
what do you love to do? Do it! Who do you enjoy spending time with? Call them. Who makes you laugh? Spend time with them. Learn something new! Resist the urge to isolate.
You haven't lost yourself...you just set yourself aside temporarily. You are still there...
Hugs!
You haven't lost yourself...you just set yourself aside temporarily. You are still there...
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
After many years of hoping the "problem" would get better and go away, I realized I could only rely on myself for happiness, financial security and dependable parenting for our kids. My husband has not lived with us for several years, and I noticed that I would grow stronger, have more serenity and focus during the times we would go days without contact. At first I would miss our routine of eating out on Saturdays or going to the movies ... but as time passed I learned to enjoy my quiet home and the peaceful time I could spend with my kids and realized how much healthier my new routine was. I started a home based internet business- even though I knew almost nothing about computers at the time ... so I could develop some financial independance and not be forced to work with my alcoholic husband at our original business. My internet business grew and grew ..and now is the sole source of income for our family. My husband's health began to fail due to his years of drinking and he could no longer handle the demands of manufacturing products ... so I ended up negotiating the sale of the original company by myself, contacting prospective buyers and working out the financial details .. scary yes, but I did it all by myself. Over the last few years my confidence has grown as I have spent more time on my own. I taken on more and more responsibilities as time has gone on. There have been many challenges and stresses mostly due to my husband's unpredictable behavior ... but it is nice to find out who I really am and what I am really capable of.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi Maggie,
How do we find ourselves again? By digging deep. By taking the time to really listen to our own hearts and what we need for ourselves.
"To thine own self be true" and that's so honest. We can't help a soul if we're not true to who we are. And, it's so easily done when we've put the A in our life before ourselves for so long. It's hard to imagine doing for ourselves first, huh?
But, you can and will do it. It'll take some time, but have lots of great support around you.....al anon, this board, church group, friends, family and just start doing for you.
What is it that YOU need right now? How do you want to invision yourself in a year from now?
((hugs))
How do we find ourselves again? By digging deep. By taking the time to really listen to our own hearts and what we need for ourselves.
"To thine own self be true" and that's so honest. We can't help a soul if we're not true to who we are. And, it's so easily done when we've put the A in our life before ourselves for so long. It's hard to imagine doing for ourselves first, huh?
But, you can and will do it. It'll take some time, but have lots of great support around you.....al anon, this board, church group, friends, family and just start doing for you.
What is it that YOU need right now? How do you want to invision yourself in a year from now?
((hugs))
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
(((Maggie)))
Where's the hope? I found it by going to Al-Anon meetings, reading the literature, working with my sponsor, Keeping the focus on me and my recovery. Coming to SR. Reading. Studying. Listening to speakers tapes (both Al-Anon and A.A.) daily sometimes for hours.
I came to realize that I had lived in "hsytrical misery" for most of my life. I knew no other way.
I realize today I wasn't happy because I was waiting for someone else to change into someone I thought I wanted in my life. Waiting for someone else to make me happy.
Well, I came to realize that I am truly as happy as I make up my mind to be. That is a quote from Al-Anons Just for Today bookmark made by Abraham Lincoln. I can't image a more sorriful life anyone lived that he did.
Today I know I would not be the person my H.P. created me to be IF I had not hit my bottom and started living life on lifes term.
May you find the way to your peace and serenity,
Love and prayers from one who cares.
Where's the hope? I found it by going to Al-Anon meetings, reading the literature, working with my sponsor, Keeping the focus on me and my recovery. Coming to SR. Reading. Studying. Listening to speakers tapes (both Al-Anon and A.A.) daily sometimes for hours.
I came to realize that I had lived in "hsytrical misery" for most of my life. I knew no other way.
I realize today I wasn't happy because I was waiting for someone else to change into someone I thought I wanted in my life. Waiting for someone else to make me happy.
Well, I came to realize that I am truly as happy as I make up my mind to be. That is a quote from Al-Anons Just for Today bookmark made by Abraham Lincoln. I can't image a more sorriful life anyone lived that he did.
Today I know I would not be the person my H.P. created me to be IF I had not hit my bottom and started living life on lifes term.
May you find the way to your peace and serenity,
Love and prayers from one who cares.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Buffalo,WV
Posts: 47
Thank you all so much...this has been a hard week for me. I am struggling with so many things, many of which has nothing to do with him but other things in my life. It just seems it has all come crashing down at once on me. You thoughts and prayers mean so much to me right now. I do want to be happy again, and I even hope it works out for him to be happy again. I am reading posts and checking out some online meetings, things haven't worked out for me to go to f2f meetings and doubt they will. I am trying to do the things that help me. I will go to church tomorrow to be with my church family and spend the rest of the day with my family. Thank you all and keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I can handle this.
hugs to all! Lois
hugs to all! Lois
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